Any WWE fans in the audience? (Part 1)

The Game Room
1162

Um, excuse me. How is there a Bayley Lesbo angle in any form and I don’t know about it?!?!

I thought the lesbo thing was Paige and Rosa?
Also you can’t turn Ambrose heel just yet, he too over as a crazy-face. Although I guess he could heel out and no one would really know since he already does things, but his things are silly (hot dog cart, free merch) and no really nefarious. He’ll heel it up eventually, just a matter of when.

Speaking of turns. I can tell you right now that eventually, eventually…the shield will be back together and I will mark out like a motherfucker

1163

“I thought Roman was trending! What the hell good is this Twitter shit anyway? I haven’t seen any increase in Reigns merchandise sales after those fake tweets we farm out. What do you mean there isn’t any Reigns merchandise? No wonder he isn’t over! Tell merchandising to make some Duck Faced Smirk shirts or they’re eating Beneful this week! Which one of you porcine brains overlooked the Reigns swag? Do you assholes WANT me to go bankrupt? You all secretly work for Dixie Carter, I just know it!”

1164

There’s not - I was referencing one of my other Vince rants in which he attempts to “fix” Bayley.

(Though the fact that you believed it frightens me as to how close I am to imitating Vince’s creative process.)

1165

Poe’s Law: without a clear indicator of an author’s intended sarcasm it becomes impossible to tell the difference between an expression of sincere extremism and a parody of extremism.

We’ve reached that point.

1166

Well I wouldn’t say that just yet.

Again there IS a pseudo lesbian storyline on Total Divas, and that is part of Paige’s whole gimmick when she wrestles, so I didn’t know that if, in order to forward Total Divas’s storyline, they had a Bayley cameo in a lesbian moment as well.

So don’t worry, you aren’t in Vince territory just yet

1167

I doubt that will happen any time soon, but I hope they make an extended storyline out of it.

Thus speaketh the Armchair Booker:

The Authority pulls Seth out of a main event match and tells him he can no longer be depended on to get the job done, and that it’s “best for business” if they push somebody else. Seth whines, says “But you promised me! You said I was the Future of WWE! You can’t do this to me!” and gets beat up.

Seth straggles out after Dean wins a match, begs for Dean to listen, and grovels. He says he’s sorry, says he now sees how The Authority were bad people, and that the Shield can reunite and again become the force of power feared by all. Dean grimaces, tears at his hair, looks to the audience, hears their cries, grabs the mike, pauses dramatically, mutters “You stabbed me in the back you son of a bitch!” and takes him out with Dirty Deeds.

Seth tries again with Roman Reigns. He says his mea culpas, says he realizes now he made a mistake in joining The Authority, tells Roman The Shield can rule WWE again, grovels, and appeals to him to talk reason to Ambrose. Roman reflects on this, scratches his chin and looks to the sky like he’s thinking about it, gestures to the audience to get their opinion, hears their cries, turns to Seth, extends his hand like he wants to shake on it, then suddenly spears Seth. He then grabs the mike and says over Seth’s prone body, “I don’t believe that.”

1168

Stretch it out even further. Seth tries for weeks or months while getting pummeled left and right. Then the three are finally in the ring together. Seth is making his case. Dean and Roman appear to be thinking about it and offer Seth a chance at redemption.

Then Triple H comes out to laugh at them and says it was all a test for Seth. Says he still believes Seth is the future, but he wanted to see how low he’d go when things got bad. “But I didn’t think they’d ever take YOU back!”. Offers Seth a chance to come back and earn his spot at the top again.

Seth appears to be conflicted and thinking it over. Roman and Dean look at each other, get really pissed, and both of them beat the holy hell out of Seth, leaving him laying in the ring. Maybe even carted off in an ambulance.

1169

It’s hard enough to tell with the real Vince. For example, you’ll notice how the WrestleMania 31 and WrestleMania 32 logos don’t have the number on them. For that matter, you’ll note that they’ve gone out of their way to just call the upcoming event “WrestleMania”, not “WrestleMania 31”.

The reports this week is that that’s because Vince has declared that future WrestleManias will not be referred to by number.

Because numbering them makes it sound old.

1170

Listening to The Steel Cage podcast (a bit immature, but good in its own right) their insider/smark guy is saying that from his knowledge of wrestling/instinct or whatever that the new-ish plan is to turn Reigns Heel and have him feud with Daniel Bryan.

All things considered, I don’t think I would mind a DB/RR feud. I think they would work well together. Anyone agree? Disagree?

1171

I (not really) wonder which celebrities he’s going to scare up for WM 31? “Hey, Will Ferrell and that short screamy black guy have a movie coming out called Get Hard! That’s rife with sexual connotations and applies to the hard-core nature of our sports entertainment model! Call them up and tell them we’ll double their gate if they host Wrestlemania AND DON’T SAY 31 YOU TWERP! That makes me… I mean IT sound old!”

1172

I’m thinking Florida-Georgia Line versus a returning Insane Clown Posse for the tag titles. :smiley:

1173

Daniel Bryan can have a quality match with just about anyone on the roster because he’s a master of ring psychology and knows how to play to different people’s strengths and weaknesses, so I’d say they could have a good feud (as long as it doesn’t drag on forever with no conclusion, or Reigns wins and then that’s it).

1174

Obviously, numbering has been a complete disaster for the throwegg match that shall not be named. So this is completely reasonable for Vince.

1175

NXT wasn’t too bad all things considered.

Had a title upset, a good vocal confrontation, an awesome kayfabe new character tease and Bayley!

We start the night off with a tag team bout between The Dragons and the team of whogivesashit and whogivesafuck. The match is good overall because Kallisto is a freakin firecracker (how old is he anyway?). A hidden tag confuses the poor lad and we have a Team Temporary victory. I think this might mean a Kallisto callup (Sin Cara has been strangely pushed on Superstars and Main Event), and then temp holders for…Vaudevillians?

The next match is a continuation of the number one contenders tournament. Adrian Neville vs. Tyson Kidd. A decent match. I thought it was a bit slow, not counting of course the times that Adrian is flipping around for no goddamn reason. Neville wins on a Red Arrow, but the story here isn’t the match…

As Tyson is coming out we see weird video breaks that seems odd but whatever. Then NXT’s twitter apologizes for the screw-up. But its actually a hidden promo for a new character! Solomon something-or-other. What a cool way to keep kayfabe with not ackknowledging the video thing at the time and then the apology? Wonderful!

Next up we have a strange tag-team match featuring all four ladies who are wrestling in the Divas match at Takeo4er 4: 4atal 4 way 4 ever. Bayley looked off in this match, I think she’s still easing herself back in because of her knee. It ended really really dumb tho. Charlotte is almost pinned, Bayley saves her but kinda hits her? Kinda? So they all brawl. Yawn. Whatever. Charlotte/Bayley next week as a teaser.

A Finn Balor promo that’s interrupted by Scorpion. I think if/when Itami is ever called up, he’s going to have to have a manager, his accent is really really thick. Have there been other Asian wrestlers (not managers/Mr. Fuji) who have been in WWE? Did they talk?

Baron Corbin squashed Bull again. What a sorry ending to a great rivalry.

A good KO/Sami ending. I liked that there was “no touching or I call this off” to prevent the usual contract signing shenanigans. Great mic work on both guys, I’m really impressed. Ended with the non-title match being changed to a title match.

I have no complaints overall on the show, still nice to enjoy wrestling consistently!

1176

*BAWONGAWONGGGGGG

BWANNNNHHHH*

Another action-packed episode of LU, and some interesting character development besides.

Fenix vs Mil Muertes had a novel finish, and one I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. Muertes gives Fenix a superplex, and Fenix uses the momentum to roll up Muertes for the pin.

“The Crew” in six-man tag action vs Super Fly, Argentio, and the guy who looked like the latino version of Captain America. Any time there’s that many luchas, you know there’s going to be the flesh and blood version of bowling at some point. How many times did one guy fly and knock down all the other luchas in one fell swoop? There was also a nice point where The Crew swarmed on a fallen opponent in their corner like yellow jackets doing diving strikes and stings. Nice contest of acrobatics vs street thuggery.

Finally, the dynamic of Pince Puma vs Cage vs Konnan vs Vampiro. In all the promos leading up to this episode, we saw Konnan asserting a sense of ownership over PP and being his personal tyrant. Vampiro frequently berates Konnan when doing commentary with Matt, leading us to think it’s a good vs evil issue, but this isn’t WWE. While Vampiro interviews K and PP, K doesn’t let PP say a word (the masked luchas rarely do anyway), and V gets all bowed up and wants to duke it out with K. We now see it’s because Vampiro and Konnan have had heat with each other for decades, and that Vampiro’s antipathy for him is personal.

Finally, Puma meets Cage in the ring. Puma gets thrown around, but in the end he does some throwing around. Cage gets himself DQed, gives Puma a beatdown, and Konnan enters the ring. At this point, I’m thinking he’s going to turn on Puma and raise Cage’s hand, but no. Konnan defends his young protege, even though he’s old and decrepit, and Cage makes his face a crimson mask. The mad gorilla then tears the championship belt in half! Whhaaaat? Another singular act of violence interlaced with symbolism! Or an indication that LU has a cheap belt budget. Either way, it drives home the point that Konnan, despite his abusive nature, cherishes and values Prince Puma and has his back.

LU continues to break wrestling tropes, but in a way that makes sense!

*BAWONGAWONGGGGGG

BWANNNNHHHH*

1177

OLAYYY OLAYOLAYOLAYYYY OLAYYYY OLAYYYY

It’s always a little disconcerting for me to transition from LU to NXT, because the atmospheres are so different. LU is mystical, gritty and dark, while NXT is festive, bright and colorful.

Wow, when NXT people get called up, they drop out of the limelight instantly. The moment the Lucha Dragons lost, the cameras never showed them again. We hardly know Blake and Murphy, but they seem jovial in a non-ironic way. NXT, despite its greatness, is still considered a developmental project, so sudden changes like this are to be expected.

No Natalya and no FACT! promo from Tyson, so no reason to expect him to advance in the tournament. Kidd heads back to the main roster while Neville continues to dazzle.

I saw the weird technical glitch that T-Cups referred to, but I didn’t glom that it was a promo for Solomon. Pray elucidate, STC.

The Divas tag match turned into a Bayley-Charlotte confrontation, and afterwards Bayley invokes Sami Zayn as inspiration for her new attitude. I like this storytelling, because it’s a challenge for writers to make their characters mature and change. Bayley won our hearts by being all cute and cuddly, but now she means bizness. Sasha and Becky Lynch aren’t even factors.

Another squash for Corbin over Bull Huey, and an amusing aftermath. Bull tries to threaten Corbin after the match, but Corbin just goozles his fat face. Dempsey reminds me of the pot-bellied vampire Wesley Snipes kept beating up in the first *Blade *movie. He kept coming back for revenge and getting stomped every time.

Finn and Hideo will collide next week. Will one of them turn heel, or will they just do awesome shit like Zayn/Neville?

Sami Zayn tries to get Kevin Owens to open up about his betrayal, but Owens remains aloof and boorish, which provokes Zayn into consenting to a championship match. I read an interesting commentary about Regal’s role in this confrontation, in that he’s acting for the audience. He was the first to come out and express dismay when Owens turned on Zayn, and seeks to prevent Zayn from overreacting to KO’s baiting. KO does none of the typical heel histrionics, remains a man of few words, and still establishes himself as a hateful adversary. Not everything has to be a pageant.

1178

Gotta say that the whole Stage Dive thing is kinda getting overused. WWE, NXT and LU have been using it in almost every match, sometimes multiple times per match.

1179

You know I had to actually look up that word…

So a few things piqued my interest on the glitch as it were because it wasn’t like any glitch that normally happens on a TV. It was much more frantic and much more produced, so I gchatted to Ms. Cups “Is that a new thing on Tyson’s begining?”. But we didn’t get much further than that.

Then after the show NXT tweeted “Sorry about the TV glitch” and had a link to it. Upon sending me that Ms. Cups said “It’s a promo for Solomon Crowe”. I had never heard of him but she’s really quite the insider on the biz so I took her at her word. Then I went back and looked at the glitch and if you rapid fire pause/play it you can see a weird face kinda thing and it say “Solomon” in it.

She since told me that the guy used to be Dean Ambrose’s tag-team partner back in his John Moxley days. Switchblade Conspiracy (band name!) or something like that

Honestly I have no idea where she gets her information from but damn it all if she’s ever wrong. I’m never one to brag, but she’s the best

1180

We rasslin fans iz smart!

I looked up Solomon Crowe and he has a huge indie history and has worked with a sizeable chunk of NXT’s and WWE’s roster. Wonder if they’ll draw on that like they did KO or make him the wrestling equivalent of Neo from The Matrix? Will he carry red pills? Is he going to tell everybody they’re actually hooked up to machines? Will he be seeking The Architect? Is he seeking Seth Rollins?

1181

Footnote to LU post: The mystery chica who confronted Dario Cueto in the last scene said the word “Matanza” to him before she left. It is Spanish for “slaughter” or “killing.” It was also the term for a peasant massacre in El Salvador in 1932.