Life is full of complications. Well, I am divorced and my former husband and I are still very close. There are alot of circumstances involving the divorce, but obviously we didn’t fight and still have ALOT of feelings for each other. So, with that said, I don’t deem it absolutely impossible for us to get back together. Anybody here have experience with this scenario? Positive or negative comments are welcome. And what drove you apart? What makes you think the same issues that caused the divorce won’t resurface? I can’t see my life without him, and I can’t see me moving on and feeling this way. The divorce was final March 2002. We separated August 2001. Your thoughts are needed. We have such a diverse group here, I figure at least a few other people have dealt with this.
I haven’t personally, but my older sister did this. She and my brother-in-law split up after five years of marriage, divorced and started dating again a year later. I think it was two years before they were remarried. They’ve been together…probably ten years since then. Something around there.
They’ve had some major problems in the past year, with him moving out and back in again three or four times. To be honest, the problems they’re having now are the exact same problems they had that caused them to split up in the first place. They love each other very much and have three children together (which is certainly a consideration for them), but their communication skillls leave something to be desired.
So, do you feel you’ve made significant steps in rectifying the problems that drove the wedge between you in the first place? Getting back together with an ex isn’t a new story (although getting remarried to one is a bit more odd). There was obviously something that brought you together in the first place. But there was just as obviously something that broke you apart.
Most of the problem was that he doesn’t want kids and I do. The rest of the problem is that he would never go anywhere with me. This led me to be very, very lonely. His issues were that I was meticulous about everything and he was very passive. I felt as if I did everything, and he let me because it was his nature. In the past 18 months, I have learned so much about myself. He’s learned alot too, and since then his brother has became a father for the first time. This has changed his views on children and helped him realize what he’s missing out on. He also has become alot more interested in me and going places with me. I don’t have to go by myself anymore unless I choose to, which does happen frequently. So, he’s not forced to be with me every second, but he still participates in my life and I don’t feel as if I lead a “single” married life. And I have calmed down a lot about getting it all done. In the past I have stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, just to make sure all the clothes were done, dishes washed and the house immaculate. I have really learned how to let most of it go. Ccompany can still drop anytime and I wouldn’t be embarassed, I don’t put near as much pressure on myself. I guess I just really miss him and hope it works and am really afraid that I’ll just make the same mistake. But in any relationship you are taking a huge risk. Putting your heart and soul on the line (twice) is NOT easy. I have alot of thinking and soul searching to do. These are just the basics, but at least yall will get the picture.
Thanks, Nymysys, for giving me encouragement and looking at it realistically also. These days life is just uncertain and really tough for me.
I have a co-worker that did this. They were married about three years, divorced, and remarried after about a year.
They divorced again after a few months. Her comment: “Everything that was wrong the first time was still wrong.”
Her husband had a serious alcohol problem, and although he “swore off” while they were apart, he resumed drinking after they remarried.
Obviously, your results may be different, since you don’t mention substance abuse as a factor.
Best wishes.
A friend of mine remarried her ex-husband after - get this - 28 years apart.
Last I heard, they were doing fine.
Well I haven’t, and wouldn’t, but my ex-wife’s parents remarried, then got divorced later on again. I personally think it’s crazy to try again. Then again I thought it was crazy to do the first time.
My aunt and uncle were married for about 10 years or so, divorced for 2-3 years, then remarried each other. They remained married for the rest of their lives, until my uncle died. My aunt never even dated anyone else for the 20+ remaining years of her life, so it worked for them.
They weren’t exactly the most, uh, conventional, people I ever knew, but they were happy. I believe in total, they had more than 50 years of marriage to each other, and it lasted into their 70s (respectively, my uncle being a bit older than my aunt).
My boss did. Was married for 20 or so years, was divorced for less than a year before remarrying the same person.
My uncle did this. My aunt had some emotional problems–she was anorexic–and they tried therapy, then got divorced. After more therapy, they got remarried and have been married for, gee, about 10 years or so. They seem to be pretty happy, but they’ve really worked for it.
I know a woman who married a guy, divorced him after six months, then remarried him about five years later.
The second one lasted about thirteen years. Then they got divorced again.
No word if try number 3 is in the offing, but I doubt it.
Regards,
Shodan
My aunt married for the first time and shortly after got divorced. Then she married my mother’s brother, and they were married probably 15-20 years before he died of post-surgical complications. She married a third time, and they were married about 8 years before he died of cancer. She’s now remarried her first husband, that she’d divorced about 30 years before. They seem very happy.
StG
My grandmother married her second husband. They got divorced a few years later, but continued to live together.
After a while, they got married again. A few years later, they got divorced again, but once again continued to live together.
Then they got married for a third time. I think this was the last time they did this. Her husband developed cancer and died within a year or so. They were still married at the time.
One wonders how long this cycle could have gone on…
I did. We were divorced less than a year before we decided we made a mistake. I was battling serious depression at the time and he was just an ass about the whole thing. At least I felt that way at the time. I took time to date other men and to fight my depression and discovered that there was no one I wanted to be with other than my ex. We were remarried a few months ago. I don’t have any regrets about the divorce or the remarriage. I think we needed to go through both to reach the point we are now. I think dating other people helped the most, it made me appreciate him more than anything else. Good luck.
LYra, just take it one day at a time and see where it goes. As for my ex… [Bleah!]Good Heavens, NO!![/Bleah!]
My brother remarried one of his wives. It didn’t work the second time, either.
In 1944 while my dad was in the Pacific Theater, my parents got a divorce–mom says dad asked for a divorce, dad says he doesn’t remember doing that. When he returned from his military duty in 1945, mom was engaged to another man, but dad convinced her to get remarried. In August they will celebrate their 59th wedding anniversary. It has not always been easy sailing for them, both have frankly taken turns being jerks at certain times during their marriage, but they worked at it. Now with dad 80 yrs old and mom 75, they hold hands frequently and I will come into a room to find them kissing.
Why the formality/legal paperwork of remarrying? Why not live together for a while, and see what happens? The decision to remarry may become an organic thing, growing out of what you two build together again, rather than marrying in hope, which I suspect would be the case at present.
In the old days before no-fault divorce in Australia, when the only ways to get a divorce were ‘irreconcilable differences’ or infidelity, there was a minister in the state government who separated from his wife, and obtained a divorce for the former reason, but they had remained living in the same house, but leading separate lives. After the divorce, the residential arrangements stayed in place, and they remained the best of friends.
I once heard that you shouldn’t get back together unless
A)they’ve had a personality transplant
B)you’ve had a personality transplant
C)all of the above
Now granted, several posters have brought up instances of couples reuniting and being happy. But in my opinion, if a couple had big enough issues to want to separate from each other, I feel that the same issues will pop up unless the two involved have had “personality transplants,” or have had some serious changes in their outlook on life, psyche, etc.
From the first chapter of the Koran
[2.230] So if he divorces her she shall not be lawful to him afterwards until she marries another husband; then if he divorces her there is no blame on them both if they return to each other (by marriage), if they think that they can keep within the limits of Allah, and these are the limits of Allah which He makes clear for a people who know.
OK, so you get up one morning, go downstairs, open the fridge and pour yourself a big glass of milk. You take a long drink from it, your face contorts and you pucker up. You spit it out in the sink because it is the worst thing you have ever tasted. You check the date and relise that it is two weeks out of date. After much retching and disgust you put it back in the fridge.
You get up the next day, go down stairs, look in the fridge and see the milk.
You think to yourself “maybe it will be good today"