Total hell,I was with a girl(Its so hard to call her that, she-devil is more like it), for four years. Long story short, we split, mainly because she was psycho, it wasn’t pretty. I spent the next 18 months avoiding woman and was involved in several short flings, which I quickly ended/ruined (mostly con shuns lee (I can’t figure out how to spell it). Anyways, I was making this short right? After a year and half this fruit cake calls me, I talked to her. Other things in my life went wacky and she kept calling me, she was begging me to go see her. In a drunken halucination, where I imagined her being civil and nice, I agreed. There were a few conditions, on her part it was that it was for sex only and no strings. On my part it was that it was for sex only and she had to pay for the weekend (hey I’m not a monster, I figured that after we had been together for four years she could pay for SOMETHING)
I was to meet her halfway, I got the hotel room, and she was late as usual, only by 3 hours, so I figured, “WOW she was right, she really has changed, shes now ONLY 3 hours late”. She gets there, her hair is longer, (she now looks like a witch), her ass is fatter (she claimed to have lost 50 lbs, Yeah, after gaining 100), and she is still dressed like a 14 year old,
This was susposed to be short, right?
Anyways I was sufficiently lubricated (thank you Anheuser Busch) to make it through the first night, barely, the weight didn’t bother me (I have very few standards), i just didn’t like HER.
As the weekend went on, I wanted to kill myself, the only thing that kept me going is that I was playing poor, and she was ACTUALLY spending money on me, not on some crap for her, this almost made up for the 339 dollar psychic hot line bill, the missed rent and all the other crap I bailed her out of.
By the time I left I realized several things,
- I hated/hate her
- I hated everything about her
- I could barely even kiss her because I hated the taste of her mouth: what I can do for a free meal, I should be ashamed.
I was SOOOO happy to leave, 6pack in tow. Several days later she called and asked if I felt the same thing she did?.., Nausia? Disgust? WOW you got FATness? Shave that stubble offNESS? Is that a new stretchmarkNESS? Your hair looks like crapNESS? Were they always that saggyNESS?. My mind wandered and in true guy fashion I replied “Huh”. The wonderful Ex-goddess of hell, replied “Didn’t you feel something?”.
Of couse me and my Rico-Suave self asks “Is your car running OK?”
“Its fine. Didn’t you FEEEELLLLLL something???”
“Well, there was an earthquake in California the other day, but I think I’m far enough away”
I know were this is going and I’m sort of trying to be nice.
“No giggle giggle, between US?”
UH OH double giggle, I really know where this is going now, and she doesn’t.
“Well there was this piece of latex that, um,we didn’t used to use…”
You must realize at this point I was feeling like a piece of crap, I truly can’t stand this girl, but I’m still trying to spare her feelings.
As I ran out of excuses, the least offensive thing I could say was “you promised me you wouldn’t do this”.
Several female hysteric sounds followed by a quick and curt(is that right) "I"VE got to go " SLAM
Wow, I thought, thats over. WRONG several weeks go by, then she starts calling again, work and home. I’m thinking fruity nutcase, now whats wrong with her. One day after a courage building afternoon at the local watering hole I come home and call her. Being the psycho she is she yammered on about how she had met the man of her life, he was so wonderful, and looked just like me.
Now I’m wearing the big WTF mask, and just listening.
Hes this and that etc yada yada… (I was watching sportcenter) shes quitting school, which she has yet to start after 6 years and moving to California with this guy.
I’m thinking , this was susposed to be short, Right?, “that’s nice, have fun, and god bless his soul, poor bastard.”
I figure I’ll be helpful and give her a few tips on how to best get along with a guy that looks just like me(WTF).
- you shouldn’t lie to him
- You really shouldn’t lie to him
- When you do lie to him, at least make it believable.
- After you lie to him, remember what you said, so you can repeatedly tell him the same lie.
5)Tell your friends the same lie so everybody is on the same page.
6)After you lie to everybody, convince yourself that it is the truth, so that we might have a chance of believing you.
After I gave her that advice, she got mad and told me I(ME) drink too much. What nerve, that would be like me telling her she has too much stubble(in many areas, don’t ask). How does she think I dealt with her for so long?
Then here comes the clincher, she says, “I’m late”, so I’m like “Your always late.”
“Where do you have to be?” Like I care where she has to be.
I replied cool as a cucumber with a 12 pack in it
“Cool, I’ve always wanted a kid”
That frazzled her, I do believe that I have established that she is not exactly trustworthy, ie. a LIAR.
“Your not having it”
At this point I figure lets do some exploring.
- you weren’t involved with somebody for a year and half after we broke up, (the a-hum evidence proves this to be true)
- you haven’t proven yourself trustworthy in the past.
- why does this guy have to look just like me (spooky)
After much arguing for about 6 hours it was determined that, in my mind.
A)I really do seriously dislike her.( I only wish hate on people I want to die and she is such a miserable person that I hope she has to live to deal with herself.)
B) I have more money than her, and if she really is pregnant, I will have custody.
C)My family would stand behind me in such an event, however she has sworn off her grandmother since she gave her phone number to her mom. (great family relations)
In her mind…
A) guys who look like me have no problem being in a relationship with a women for 3 weeks, who is 4 weeks pregnant.
B) guys who look like me have no problem not getting any from a girl who (as she proclaimed) is pregnant, very recently.
C) guys who look like me are (as I was told) much richer than I could ever be. (where is that rollie eye smiley)
AHHHH, I haven’t heard from her since, but I just might have to give her a call. She should be “ahum” due any time now, nut case.
Well Mr. OP, you wanted details.