Anybody Need Some Tiny Rants?

The BBQ Pit
101

Oh, don’tcha just love the folks who try to negotiate special consideration?

I have this conversation at the museum at least once a week:

Me: “It’s a guided tour.”

Tourists: “We just want to look around.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t do that. We have artifacts out in the open, so all of our tours are guided.”

Tourists: “We don’t want a tour. We just want to look around.”

Me: “That’s fine, but a guide has to come along with you.”

Tourists, impatiently: “We don’t want a guide. We just want to look around the museum.” (Sometimes, it’s said slowly, with various stresses on certain words, as if I’m either hard of hearing or I’m just too dumb to understand this simple concept.)

This is another one I’ve had a few times too often:

Me: “No, ma’am, please don’t pick up that vase!”

Her (with a bit of eye-rolling): “Oh, honey, I’m not going to break it!”

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were immune to normal human clumsiness. I charge ahead: “Ma’am, we don’t want to get hand oils on the artifacts because it can damage them.”

Her (vaguely insulted): “My hands are clean!”

102

I’m with ya, here. I suggested a small birthday part for my son, inviting our out-of-state parents (my mom, husband’s mom and step-dad, husband’s dad and step-mom). Husband has now invited every single person he’s ever met in his entire life, so my little 10-person birthday party has turned into the EVENT OF THE CENTURY, featuring custom-made food for everyone’s weird little diet quirks and a whole bunch of people I’ve never even met, and their grandchildren, cousins and next-door-neighbors-twice-removed.

You think anybody has offered to bring anything?

Hell no.

You think anyone has offered to help clean up the house or the yard, or even shift off their lazy asses to pick up their own dirty socks off the floor?

Nope.

You think everyone assumes I’ll do all the work, and make it look pretty?

You betcha.

103

Lissa and CarlyJay, those are classic examples of the worst pandemic we’ve ever had going on - people with an engorged sense of entitlement, with one of the symptoms being sure that rules apply to other people, not them.

104

I’ve already asked once in the thread itself, and I don’t want to harp but it’s still getting on my tits…

People in other countries watch Rock Star Supernova too, you know. And because of a funky little thing known as the ‘international date line’ there’s a bit of a delay between when it’s aired live in the US, and when we get it elsewhere. However the delay’s not too much more than 6-12 hours… Is it so hard to just play the spoiler game for a few hours so that the rest of us can pop in to the thread if we want to discuss what we saw the night before without having today’s show spoiled, pretty please?

105

You should have. I work for directory assistance and we aren’t supposed to hold for more than a second or 2 so if someone leaves the phone without asking or is gone for a few seconds we are required to try to get there attention and if they don’t answer, disconnect the call.

106

I am getting very depressed and unmotivated at work. I don’t have much to do, which is good because I’m not doing it. One reason is that we are switching to a new computer system which I don’t yet have access to. Also, I’m not being kept up to date on any of the changes we’re going through. Apparently I’m not important enough. I do understand that I’m the lowest rung on the ladder, however, since I answer the phones, it might be good if I knew what the fuck the clients are talking about when they call.

Excuse me, I must go stir the papers on my desk so it looks like I’ve done something productive today.

107

Some Tiny Rants before I get back to work:

Dear Mr Beemer: That 10 feet I left in front of me on the highway wasn’t for you. It was so that if traffic comes to a stop, I don’t make mince-meat out of the poor bastard in front of me. That and get sued into bankruptcy. Still, I’m awfully glad you feel that zipping in there is just what God put you on earth for. I hope that extra 10 feet got you a thrill. And maybe colon cancer.

To the Post Office: Fuck You! Its a pre-printed address label; how can you ass-monkeys fuck up delivery on That!? Not once, not twice, but 3 times in 2006 alone, you say the address doesn’t exist? The Hell you say…I’m looking at the building right now, you fuck-wits!!! (Or did David Copperfield make a 40-fucking-story building disappear…?)

To The Wife: WTF? Is it so incredibly hard to back me up when I say ‘No’ to the kids? I always back You up when you say ‘No’, even when I may not agree with you. I do it because we always agreed we’d present a united front in raising the kids. Even when I disagree with you, I bring it up later and not in front of them. Look, I don’t like saying ‘No’ in the first place, but for the good of the kids it occasionally has to be done. Thanks for undermining my parental authority.

to DaysInn: I Fucking Hate You!!! All I needed was a clean and decent business-class room for the night in the city where my relative died; one with decent internet access so I could do some work that night. You presented a nice room, near the funeral home, on your website…and it was a Bald Faced Lie!!! The glass was broken in your entry hall, but I couldn’t quite tell what calibur bullet went through it. The fucking lightbulbs were gone out of your room lamps! The AC was louder than Stock Car with a stuck accelerator. Worse, your room smelled like wet camels. How hard would it be to clean them and change the sheets? That, and your fucking wireless internet was worse than Fucking Useless as the connection kept going in and out. I’ve seen stronger signals out of Radio-shack walkie talkies!

If we had even One good consumer protection law left in this country, you’d only be able to advertise your rooms as suitable for Johns, Winos, and Highschool Students who shouldn’t be Fucking in the first place…! Go tell Paris, “That’s Not Hot” ( unless she’s shacked up in one of your own low-rent rooms) you miserable rat-bastard turd-fucking scumbags!!!

108

Freecycle mini-rant:

Now, I love Freecycle . But so, it appears, do a lot of morons (er…no, not touching it.) I’m really good at posting Promised notices immediately after I’ve promised an offer, and still, three days later, people email me to say they’ll take an item. That’s been promised for three days. Today, I had one brainiac reply to my “TAKEN” notice that he wanted the item if it was still available. No, Nimrod, it’s not still available, that’s what TAKEN means.

And, just for the record, if you cannot email me with a minimum of 70% of your words spelled correctly, using full grammar and NOT ALL CAPITL LETERS<THX, I will never, ever give you the item. Never. Ever. I would rather feed a landfill than an idiot.

109

And damn you for being so damned right. :mad:

Duvel = $6 a bottle at the only bar in town that has it regularly.

Other notable culprits: Chimay and pretty much all lambics. :frowning:

110

Dear Ratfuckers at American Medical Response:

You seem to be cashing my checks just fine, but yet my payment isn’t good enough, so you threaten to turn me over to a collection agency and then have the gall to say “well, it won’t affect your credit”. Bullshit. You think I just rolled off the turnip truck? How dumb do you think I am? Maybe you can get away with this sort of shit in the rest of the uninsured demographic, but that won’t fly here. I guess you didn’t take the hint when I said, “I’m trying to put my husband through law school, so I can’t make that big of a payment”. Guess who you’re getting a call from, shitstains?

111

I specifically came to this thread to post my two minirants, and one of them happens to involve Freecycle as well.

Dear Crazy Freecycle Bitch:
I have this item, and I was going to throw it away. Freecycle provides me with an outlet where I can advertise things that I don’t want, but others might want. This keeps it out of the landfills. It’s sort of an ecology thing, you know, so no, I will not drive 30 miles one way to bring you an item I was perfectly happy putting in the trash can. If you can’t come get it, you can’t have it. Stupid.
Dear Meth-head fuckers and the ridiculous reactionary populace of small-town Central Arkansas:
I want some lye to make soap, but all the hardware stores have pulled it off the shelves because it seems to be an ingredient in meth. Naturally, if we remove Red Devil Lye from hardware store shelves, the dope-heads will stop cooking Meth! Of course! It’s so simple! But, uh, I just went to ebay and bought four fucking pounds of it. That they will deliver by UPS to my door. Thankfully, the addicted must not have heard about ebay, so keep fighting the good fight, preciouses! :rolleyes:

112

I’m not in a very good mood today, so I’ll add a couple more and see if that makes me feel better.

My Epson printer - purchased because it was PC and Mac compatible, back when we were a mixed marriage - you basically work alright, but I’m not too concerned about the way I have to pull the cartridge against the gears to get it out to go change it (you are apparently supposed to take one out, go re-fill it, put it back in, and THEN get the other one out, even if they are both empty at the same time :rolleyes: ) , because printers are so cheap now.

Tree stump grinding professionals in my city - weasel-dick bastards. If you don’t want my money, just say so - don’t huff and sigh and give me a hard time on the phone when I make my reasonable request. We have a very unusual, hard to explain back yard - I would like to be there explaining things to you when you give a quote. I’m not asking for the moon here, you ingrown asshair - I’m available all afternoons, evenings, and weekends. You want to see a difficult customer, keep up that attitude.

Okay, what else? Oh, my job. You pay me so little, and demand so much, and cause me so much stress - you’re not worth it, you know that? I think I’m going to go back to temping. Those jobs all suck, too, but at least I know when they’re going to be over, and they pay much better.

113

What else is it that they are thinking of pulling off the shelves because people are cooking meth with it - cough syrup? Something like that? It’s beyond stupid. You can’t protect people from themselves.

114

Stupid slow email account. Why are you taking for-freakin-ever to bring up email messages? You’re not always this slow…

People who use cute fonts and colors in an email message that is just plain text. Look, you, some of us have quotas on our email accounts. That basically means that, even if your message has your mother’s matzo ball soup recipe or something else I’d like to keep around, I can’t.

People who send Word .doc files or PowerPoint .ppt files in email. Not all of us are using Windows, or want to have to open another application in addition to our email. And the .doc or .ppt files almost always turn out to be something that could have been expressed in a few lines of plain text.

People who take their dogs with them to fireworks displays. Dogs don’t enjoy the visual aspect of the fireworks, as far as I can tell, and the loud noises scare them. Leave the dogs at home- everybody will be happier.

And if they sniff make it a real pain ah-choo! for me to AH-CHOO! buy Sudafed ah-choo to control my allergies, that will keep the sniff fuckers from cooking meth AH-CHOO! :mad: There are other antihistamines out there, but they only come in a 4-hour formula, which means I wake up miserable and stuffy at some point during the night. :frowning:

115

If you are a bar and you have some decent pool tables the least you could do is make sure you have a friggin bridge!

When putting paper in to the copier and/or laser printer put in a full ream, seriously, they can take all 500 sheets, trust me.

116

Ah, you’ve met the people on this floor that don’t grasp the idea that the filing cabinet-sized thing on the side of the copier is a special bulk paper bin that can hold TEN REAMS OF PAPER IN ONE STACK. If I ever catch the person who only puts in half a ream because that’s all they can hold, I’m going to put them into the copier.

117

Yeah, I heard they also use water when making meth. I guess we’d better start stocking up on that before they restrict it, too. There are not enough roll-eyed smilies in the world to communicate the depth of exasperation I feel for these morons who think making perfectly legal items hard to get will stop people from using them for nefarious purposes.

Another rant to add-
Dear Dollar General Store Stocking Geniuses:
Cornstarch is a “seasonal” item? Because people only bake on the holidays?
:mad: Goddammit.

118

To all you people apparently unacquainted with the proper function of a doorway:

It is a means of ingress and egress. Simple, huh? It is not a good place to stand and finish off your conversation, let alone bring up three or four new topics, while the rest of us moon around not so patiently waiting for you to get out of the fucking way so we can come in or go out. There are plenty of other places you can stand around and chat. Find one.

119

The Whole Foods near me, for not having any cart corrals in their parking lot. If they went out and looked in the freaking parking lot, they’d see that this isn’t making people more willing to take their carts back to the door. No, people just leave carts around, blocking parking spaces and traffic lanes.

120

To my husband: I appreciate you being a good cook. I really do. And I appreciate your willingness – nay, eagerness – to clean the kitchen up the moment we’re done eating. Really and truly I do. I love to see the sparkling clean dishes in the drainer or the dishwasher running busily.

But do you think the stove and countertop fairy comes along and wipes down the surfaces behind you? Because after you’re “done” in the kitchen, I go in there and the stove is crusty and there’s puddles on the countertop. How hard is it to grab a sponge and wipe it all off?

And speaking of sponges, how hard is it to squeeze all the water out of the sponge when you’re through using it, instead of leaving it lying soaking wet in the sink to turn into a repository of bacterial colonies potent enough to start the next pandemic?