I remember you from the Pedophile email bait thing.
Heh, that was so good it got re-posted on other forums I’d never seen. The funny thing is that I’ve tried some baiting again recently and nobody IMs me at all. Used to be you would get about 50 people an hour IMing you if you said you were a 13 year old girl, now, none at all. Maybe I scared them all off.
Eh, if I weren’t engaged and living about a thousand miles away, I’d give you a shot. I like your posts. :).
Is there a copy of it archived anywhere? I’ve been banned from SA for over a year now, and SAAN/El Saano too. Cry 
Darlin’, if you’re ever in the Pacific NW, look me up. As a personal ad, it sucked, but it’s real similar to one I’ve written (the female version) several times whilst drunk, but had the sense not to post (or maybe the guts).
Sahved head and scary–sounds like my dream date. Or maybe my mystery date (and how many of you get taht reference?).
. . . that reference. Get the coding right and screw up the spelling, yes, that’s my like in a nutshell.
Tall…bald…goatee…
But… alas…too far South.
We did have a thread around here where you could post your honest personal ad to other dopers.
Here is a link to it, if you’d like to add yourself to it…
Okay, let’s assume relative attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most attractive. We’ll give you a 6.5. Now, women typically have more options than men as far as dating partners, so let’s assume that you will date a girl that is in the 5.75-6.5 range on the relative attractiveness scale since you’ll have to settle for a slightly less attractive woman.
Now, the let’s assume that in average relationship for couples in the 30-35 age range talks on the phone 6 times a week, sees each other 3 times per week, and has sex once every week. Of those three meetings, on average, you will pay around 75% of all related expenses (this trends toward the 65-45% range after 6 months). Let’s say that the average date costs you approximately $35 (keep in mind this is average, of course some dates will be significantly more/less; this will drop to around $30 after 6 months).
Now let’s assume that the quality of sex equals the product of each of your ratings on the relative attractiveness scale times the age of your partner divided by 25 (this factor is designed to reflect better sex as you age to account for greater experience and less inhibition, but only applies until age 50), then subtract the number of calls per week times two (to detract from the overall quality of sex percentage to account for the commitment factor).
QS = [MRA * WRA * (Age/25)] – (2 * CPW)
We’ll assume you can get a woman with a RA of 6 and your same age of 30.
[6.5 * 6 * (30/25)] – (2 * 6) = 34.8
So, your quality of sex will be approximately 34.8, but will directly vary with the RA of your partner and inversely with phone calls per week.
EXPENSES:
3 * $35 * 75% * 4 weeks = $315/month
After 6 months: 3 * $30 * 65% * 4 weeks = $234/month
MONTHLY STATS:
Sex: 4 times
Quality of sex: 34.8
Phone calls: 24
Cost: $315
If you’d like, my firm Rhinostylee & Sons can draft the documents and search for interested parties for a flat $500 fee plus a monthly charge of $1 for each quality of sex point. We guarantee a commitment within 2 weeks, and accept all major credit cards.
Looking forward to doing business . . .
Rhino, I"m female, 34, and around an 8 on your scale.
What’s my calculation and fee?
Sounds like a good business proposition you are putting forth here. 
Well, as a woman with a RA of 8, you should be able to get a man with a RA rating of at least 9. Let’s do a little number crunching.
QUALITY OF SEX:
QS = [MRA * WRA * (Age/25)] – (2 * CPW)
[8 * 9 * (34/25)] – (2 * 6) = 85.92
This is an extremely high ranking! Congratulations!
MONTHLY STATS:
Sex: 6 times (when at least one of the pair has a RA of 8, sex per week increases from 4 to 6 in the 30-35 age range).
Quality of sex: 85.92
Phone calls: 24
Cost: Since you are a woman, your expenses will be less.
3 * $35 * .25% * 4 weeks = $105/month
After 6 months: 3 * $30 * .35% * 4 weeks = $126/month
Your expenses will rise at the six month mark: we recommend “refinancing” at that juncture – Rhinostylee & Sons will gladly handle the transaction at a flat refinancing rate of $75.
The origination fee is less for women since they don’t need this service as badly as men, so we charge a flat fee of $250 plus $0.50 for every quality of sex point per month. Guaranteed commitment within 2 weeks.
BUT IF YOU ACT NOW we will wave the monthly fee in exchange for a forward commitment for our refinancing service at the 6-month mark. Should you want to stay with your original commitment beyond 6 months, there will be a $50 penalty, and the waved charges will be re-instated.
Thank you for doing business with Rhinostylee & Sons – MORE BANG FOR YOUR BUCK!
Rhino -
Truly awesome. I am awed by your mathematical ability.
LJ
Why thank you lovejoy! Yaay!