This a first draft. I am an engineering student and my writing (and sometimes communication skills) can be horrible. I am applying to masters programs in biomedical engineering. Obviously universities and names have been changed. Please feel free to offer any constructive criticism you have. I would rather hear stuff from people here than get a bunch of rejection letters. Some of the stuff, such as personal information about my family being poor, I wasn’t sure if it should go in there, but it was and still is a major driving force in my life that affects me so I couldn’t imagine leaving it out.
Also, if you think I should include more things to bring out my personality let me know. I really can’t be a whole lot more specific on what I would like to do because honestly I am not 100% sure, but I have a general idea.
I hope someone will be along to correct me if I’m wrong in this case, but I have just been going through this grad school application process as well, and my understanding was that unlike for undergraduate admissions, grad schools don’t want to hear about extracurricular activities that don’t have to do with your proposed field of study.
So I would deemphasize or even cut entirely what you mention about sports in the second paragraph. Your involvement in IEEE sounds like it would be far more important for your present purposes, so maybe you could spend the paragraph elaborating more on that.
Other than that, I think it’s pretty decent. Introductory paragraphs are normally difficult, but you do a good job of clearly stating your goals and your interests. The third and fourth paragraphs do a good job of describing your research experience. The fifth paragraph is a little generic; I know it’s hard, but maybe you could try saying things that would more uniquely apply to your specific experiences.
Hopefully some other people will be along with additional insight.
That is something I am confused about as well. I have read in some places that it’s important for YOU to come through the SOP and not just technical things that could be gotten elsewhere. This made me think it would be important for them to know that I have interests and activities besides academics. I will definitely try to emphasize the IEEE and Tau Beta Pi more though.
I will try to make the 5th parapgraph not so generic. It’s hard though because that’s truly how I feel, but maybe I can think of something a little different. Thanks for the input.
I’m probably way off base here, so please feel free to ignore my comments. They may certainly not apply to your situation.
The advice given above is good, so I just want to comment on the section where you talk about growing up poor. I DO NOT think this is inappropriate at all, but do have a question:
Will you be doing an interview with the particular school? If not, leave it in. But if so, I would personally leave it out and then bring it up in the interview…look for a chance to work it into a question you have been asked.
I have not been on any committee that was approving graduate candidates, but I did teach (part-time) at a university for almost 7 years, and I did have the opportunity to hear faculty chit-chat that was sometimes about this topic.
And, I do agree, that unless extracirricular activities have something directly to do with your major field of study, in grad school, I’d be tempted to leave those out.
But again, any “rising above circumstances” should be gotten in there, somehow.
I don’t believe the schools I am applying to have interviews. This is really the only opportunity I would have to work something of this nature in. It’s kind of tough to put things like that in words and would be much easier to articulate in person face-to-face.
I am seeking a Masters Degree in Biomedical Engineering from the XXX Graduate University with an emphasis on Functional Electrical Stimulation (FES) or Bioinstrumentation. My primary interest in FES is studing the effect of electricity on muscles. Electrical control of muscles could allow someone paralyzed or afflicted with a disease to walk or have limited mobility and limb control. I am interested in Bioinstrumentation to apply my background in Computer Engineering to develop medical devices.
I obtained a (insert class) degree in Computer Engineering from XYZ. I participated in intramural sports every semester including soccer, football, basketball, softball, ultimate frisbee, and racquetball. These sports helped to teach me the values of teamwork, discipline, and practice. I was involved in the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE) and was a member of Tau Beta Pi. I am currently in the top 2% of all Electrical and Computer Engineers at XXX.
I participated in a National Science Foundation funded Research Experience for Undergraduates (REU) program in Network and Communication Systems headed by Dr. X and Dr. Y. Dr. X was my principle advisor and we researched the survivability of optical networks. (Give dates!)
(Is this part of your REU? If so it needs to be in the same paragraph). We researched various tiered protection schemes in Next-Generation SONET (NGS) networks using the network modeling tool OPNET to simulate various loads on two network topologies: DARPANET and NSFNET. Inverse multiplexing and protection were used to determine the amount of traffic each network could safely handle. The results obtained from this research are being assembled to be presented in conferences and papers.
REU was one of the leading motivators to my desire to further my education: I worked closely with graduate students and professors (maybe simply say faculty staff) outside of class lectures. I started me to appreciate the non-curricular work they do and become excited about research. The idea of researching new areas was and is exciting and I now believe that pursuing a graduate degree will help me fulfil my goals.
I come from an extremely deprived background, with a disabled father. I am the first in my family to attend college. I have learned that with hard work, perseverance, and discipline, anything is possible (consider ‘anyone can live the American dream’).
A Masters Degree from the XXX Graduate University will allow me to study the effect of electricity on muscles, and thus to use FES or Bioinstrumentation to help those unable to use their own muscles due to disease or paralysis.
