Anyone care to see pictures of me from yesterday? (warning, a little bloody)

[Seven]

Right home from hospital

10 hours later

Neat huh? Nothing like having a small plum surgically attached to the end of your nose.

So those who are reading this might want to know whats up, here’s the gory details. This is from another thread I wrote on another message board a few days back which I’ll copy/paste because I’m currently in a percocet haze and don’t want to type it all out. The process described is accurate to the best of my knowledge from reading about the procedure and talking with my doctor. I don’t know exactly what was done because I was out cold. In any case this is not intended to be an actual step-by-step guide for those budding at home reconstructive surgeons.

Like my other surgical related threads, don’t read if talk of nose flaps and meat lima beans make you sick.

I’m having a spreader graft with a side order of standard “nose job” so I don’t end up looking like WC Fields at the end of the day.

So, here’s the process this time around (for you people playing the home game).

Of course the very first thing is to shoot Seven chock full of Versaid after the IV is in place. If you forget, he will call everyone in the hospital “f*ckers” then yank the IV from his hand. This will also allow Seven to watch a little morning show TV while he is waiting. On Versaid, Seven will find morning shows quite funny.

When ready, knock Seven out and continue on to step one.

1. Cut the back of the right ear open. Harvest cartilage from the cavum conchae.

2. Shape ear cartilage by putting it on the top of the nose and cutting it into the correct shape. It should look much like a large lima bean. When done, put in a cup or something and save for later.

3. Cut the skin between the nostrials near the tip of the nose. Seperate skin between nose and septum cartilage. Don’t be shy. Really rip that bastard back to give lots of room to work.

4. Using a chisel, cut out a groove on the top of the cartilage to make room for the new meat lima bean. Make sure there is enough room so Seven doesn’t look like he has a meat lima bean under the skin on the end of his nose.

5. Insert meat lima bean between the carved out cartilage and the peeled back nose flap. Does it fit? Good. If not, repeat step 4.

6. Once you’re sure the meat lima bean is a good fit, sew the bastard in place to the septum.

7. Fold nose flap back in place. Check to make sure air passage is not obstructed by first ear grafts from “surgery round two”. If so, peal back nose flap and trim where needed. One everything looks clear replace nose flap, make sure it is straight, sew in place.

8. Sew section of skin between the nostrials.

9. Opps. Don’t forget to sew the ear back together.

10. Once you think you’re finished, cover the nose in a plastic cast to protect it.

11. Yell at Seven to wake up.

12. Put him in a wheelchair and leave him on the curb in front of the hospital. Someone is bound to pick him up.

13. Have Seven return a few days later to remove a couple of “hold that shit in place” stitches.

14. Have Seven return 6-7 days later to remove his parrot beak cast.

The idea is the meat lima bean will support the sides of my nose from collasping even more. The second surgery I had helped, but it just didn’t cut it. This is the extreme version so this should fix it once and for all.

Because my doctor doesn’t really like the idea of making someone nose bigger (considering my nose is big enough), he said he’ll give it an extra effort to shape the nose into something that won’t look retarded. It will appear a bit wider because the meat lima bean will hold it open. But, the bump on the bridge of my nose might be gone when I wake up.

[StarvingButStrong]

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Consider yourself the recipient of about two dozen 'poor baby’s.

Excuse my curiosity, but why are you having to have this done? I’ve never heard of a nose collapsing before. IME, they just keep getting bigger the older you get. Did you accidentally sniff up a mini-black hole or something?

[Seven]

It’s a long story on why, but let’s see if I can sum it up real quick for you. As I’m on pain killers, I’m not going to be real picky about spelling. You’ll just have to wade through it.

I’ve always had breathing and ear problems. One day I got an ear infection and it lead to always feeling like I was in an airplane. Muffled hearing, pain, etc. Even after the infection had cleared.

Upon further inspection we learn there are some large masses of flesh inside my sinus area and my septum is quite mangeld and bent. The ustation tube on the left side had collasped.

First surgery involved straighting out the septum and scooping out all the weird masses of stuff in the sinus and throat area. This worked and my airways were open, the ustation tube perked back up in a month or so.

After several months it seems the sides of my nose couldn’t handle the new found airflow. When I’d inhale the sides of the nose would pull closed. Just to give you a better idea of how my nose was, one doctor compared the feel of my nostrials and fleshy parts of the nose to uncooked bacon. It had no firmness at all. So, now I’m back where I started. Pretty soon the ear problem started back up.

Surgery two involved taking the cartilage from the left ear, cutting it in two, and implanting it on both sides of the nose. About half way up between the nose and the cheek. This sort of worked, but not so good. The surgeon wanted to go this route first because it works about 80% of the time and was a fairly simple procedure.

Well, I fit into the 20% failure rate and within 6 months the nose was closing up again. It also had the added bonus of having more meat in there to obstruct the airflow. (ever get the feeling you’re walking backwards? heh heh). Because I had two surgerys within 3 months time the doctor wanted to wait a year to let everything settle down. Yesterday was one year and two weeks from surgery number 2.

This time, surgery number three, we trim back the first implants and build a meat breathe-right strip using cartilage from the other ear.

This whole thing stems from factory defaults and not a broken nose or other injury.

That about sums it up.

I really hope this works because at this point in time I’m out of ears to cut up.

[CBCD]

Wow! I’ve never seen an ear looking like that! Cool!

[Gfab912]

Seven said… "I’ve always had breathing and ear problems. "

You don’t say! Ouch! That looks nasty. I hope everything works out properly this time. Uncooked bacon… I’ll never look at it the same again. Peace.

[StarvingButStrong]

@Seven

This whole thing stems from factory defaults and not a broken nose or other injury.

Wow! See what happens when you don’t hold on to your receipt and product registration form?

I really hope this works because at this point in time I’m out of ears to cut up.

Well, I’d say you were due for good news. Good luck!

[Soul_Brother_Number_Two]

Dude you look higher than Rush Limbaugh in them pics.

Sorry about your nose blues.

[Seven]

@essvee

Dude you look higher than Rush Limbaugh in them pics.

Heh heh. Yeah. Don’t tell Rush I’m eating his drug of choice.

[The_Mermaid]

At first it looks kinda horrifying but once you get past the blood and bruising and swelling and all, it looks great! No really!

I’m surprised you don’t have 10 yards of packing in there, or a mustache sling.

With enough Percocet, almost anything is manageable.

(Off topic I know but watch your bowels while you’re taking them. Narcotics are really constipating and will turn your stool to cement. Being an RN, I just have to mention it)

[Madd_Maxx]

Good Luck, get well soon and all that positive stuff.
Be VERY glad you aren’t allergic to that Versed. I am and finding out in the ER ain’t the best way to learn it.

[Seven]

Check this out. I woke up this morning with this whole new “Raging Bull” thing going on.

[yellowval]

Wow, I’d hate to see what the other guy looks like! Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery, and enjoy that percoset while you’ve got it! (Not that I’d know. Nobody will give me any.)

[Verminary]

@Seven

<snip> one doctor compared the feel of my nostrials and fleshy parts of the nose to uncooked bacon.

For the rest of my life, I’m going to think of your battered nose whenever I cook bacon.

This is not a good thing.

(But I do hope everything heals up nicely and you’re feeling better very soon.)

[Seven]

Just for fun…

[CBCD]

@Seven

Just for fun…

http://www.tictokmen.com/home/surgery3/new-u2.jpg

Show us your ear! We want to see the ear!

[Seven]

@CBCD

Show us your ear! We want to see the ear!

It’s all puffy today

[CBCD]

Thank you for displaying your wounds.

I surely hope your percocet is gettin’ it done for you.

[Cervaise]

@Seven

http://www.tictokmen.com/home/surgery3/new-u2.jpg

Dude, that’s hilarious.

[lisacurl]

Aw, bless your heart. From the nose flap/meat lima bean/small plum discussion, I actually expected it to look a lot worse. I hope this solves your problems.

[Seven]

@The Mermaid

(Off topic I know but watch your bowels while you’re taking them. Narcotics are really constipating and will turn your stool to cement. Being an RN, I just have to mention it)

Yup. I learned this the first time round. I prepared a wide array of solutions for this problem (about 4 different products) but right now a softener seems to be doing the trick.

I got “stuck” with 3-4 days worth during my first recovery and was so uncomfortable I decided I would have many different options just in case.