Because IME there is often one, brief, shining time where most people do rise up above their own morass of mediocrity and for that brief moment, like a firefly in the night, can stand out. Who knows what drives it, or how they do it, but they do.
Then they have kids, and the next 20 years are pretty much a grey haze of mundane misery for them. Then they’re middle-aged, they get a brief 2-4 year window of the potential for life, and then the grandchildren come, they decide they’re “too old to do X, Y, or Z”, and they stop living. Then comes the sweet release of death.
They sound unpleasant, but they obviously have personality. It’s just a personality you don’t like. They also sound like 75% of the people I’ve worked with in offices. In fact, they sound so much like the people at my last job that it’s frightening. Turns out, I was the one who was “devoid of likable characteristics” because I got shut out at that place in no time. I was the one they probably complained about on the internet, although no one would ever say I didn’t have a personality, lol.
Una does make a good point: It is quite possible that some of these people who seem like they have “no personality” just have interests that are off the beaten path and don’t share their passions with outsiders readily. Back when I was about 21, I worked with a bunch of middle-aged ladies. I tended to keep to myself, and in hindsight I suspect I probably came across as cold and unfriendly. In fact, it wasn’t that I disliked them. I just had nothing in common with them!
Being single, childless, and still in possession of a uterus, I had nothing to add to their conversation when they would start swapping stories about their hysterectomies, husbands, and children (yes, they really did sit around the office chit chatting about their hysterectomies).
That’s kind of an extreme example of what might happen to someone who has an obscure interest working in an office with people who have more mainstream interests.
Additionally, a lot of these stories just sound like cases of social awkwardness to me, rather than someone who is totally incapable of fun/humor.
Social awkwardness can sometimes be a bit of a vicious cycle. You can’t make friends if you have nothing interesting to talk about, but it can be tough to find interesting things to do (that you can later talk about) if you don’t have any friends to accompany you in doing stuff in the first place.
Plus, of course, most of us get feedback from our friends to help us figure out we’re doing something that seems unpleasant or off-putting to others. If you don’t have any friends around to tell you that you’re coming across badly to other people, you never realize what you’re doing wrong and just keep alienating everyone.
However, not being able to connect with other people doesn’t mean that the person has no sense of humor or ability to enjoy fun things. On the contrary, as someone who tends to hang out with nerdy intellectual types, I’ve noticed that the people who seem like uptight nerds at first are frequently able to use their intelligence to be quite witty once they’ve relaxed.
Even though it’s funny to think of someone confusing J-Lo with Jell-O, I would recommend trying to be patient with these people when they do something that seems weird or humorless. Just like some people are clumsy dancers (for example), some people are clumsy in social settings. It doesn’t mean they’re truly all that different than you on the inside. They just aren’t as good as expressing themselves.
**lavenderviolet ** - very true, and well spoken. I want to elaborate a little on my position, and make note of my own personal defect when it comes to people who seem to have no personality on the outside, but maybe a bloom’in butterfly on the inside. I tend to get insecure when I am in situations I have little to no control over, and when someone acts so far out of social mores that I pickup on their insecurities. That may sound odd but it is the truth. I think the woman I refer to at work is triggering this in me. I don’t feel influenced by her, as I am technically her senior, but I feel a little odd when around her, and it may very well be that she is picking up on this and acting the part. Interesting to think about it like that…
Is it me that’s “dark”, as you put it, or is it the lack of light in others that is dark? Seriously - I’ve seen it all my life. After the first kid, so many people’s lives seem to end - as we know it. And it’s not that they just become inward-focused on their family - which I’m not slagging on - they seem to lose so much of their spark, and drive, etc. It’s a big joke at work, when someone announces their first kid is on the way - people say “Cancel your magazine subscriptions, stop reading, drop those night classes, and put away your hobbies, and buckle down for the Long 20 (years).” Women complain “I haven’t seen a non-kids movie in 10 years!”, “I haven’t read a book since the Clinton Administration!”, etc. And while it’s not universally true by any means, in the sample size I have to deal with, it is largely true. That’s kind of the point of the thread, our personal experiences with our co-workers, right?
I don’t know about that. Doesn’t personality require more facets, more variation, and more life than what I see? Is a life of kids, Jesus, and football really one with variety and spice that equates to a personality? Isn’t that running as one of those crap TV shows right now (“Saturday Night Lights?”)
Sorry, dude. You did state your case well. I guess the reason I didn’t mention it was because I make it a policy to read the entire thread before I reply and I kind of ended up distracted by the time I made it to the end of the second page.
Hehe, I was just kidding, I was hoping my post looked like one of those attention whore people: “Look at me! Look at me!” which kind of fit into the lacking personality theme, but figured after I posted that nobody would get it. (mostly cause I suck at trying to be subtle, and end up being too subtle)
As a matter of fact, I do work with someone completely devoid of personality. A coworker litterally spent an entire business trip with the guy and he didn’t say more than 2 words. Even in the airport, he just sat there silently staring ahead for 3 hours. He’s like a wierd mannequin we bring out with us.
Personality and interests are not the same thing. That said, the idea of people seriously talking about Jesus as anything other than a reoccuring character on South Park is utterly bizarre to me.
I work in what is essentially a fraternity house. Mostly young guys (40 or under) who like drinking, strip clubs, sports and joking around. That’s pretty typical for NYC and other large cities. People would rather build a career and go barhopping and clubbing than settle down at 23.
On the other hand, while that stuff is fun when you’re younger, it’s a fairly empty and meaningless existance. I think most people eventually want something a bit more stable than a bunch of drinking buddies and wingmen who drift in and out of their lives.
Everyone is someone else’s weirdo.
-Dilbert
Once I had a meeting with one of those people that help you with your resume. He told me to write down some interview questions I’d also like help with. One of mine was “what’s your hobbies?”
My “normal” hobbies sound like the beige list. Reading, movies; I watch very little TV. Due to being away from home so much, most of my contact with friends is by email. My complete list, I said, would get bad responses; I even once got “oh, so you’re a loner” when I mentioned trekking as the first hobby in one interview! Loner? I go in a group, we can be between 10 and 80!
The guy made some noises about not believing this and I said “what do people say when you mention kendo?”
He got a look like this :eek: only paler and said “hell, I don’t even say ‘martial arts’, much less mention swords! How do you know?”
I pointed to the sheathed and covered sinai in a corner of the room, said “I’ve done a bit myself. What do your coworkers think that is?”
He looked at it, “uh, fishing rod, actually, I go to the dojo on Fridays…”
My current diet
My last diet
Why diets don’t work for me
I can’t eat right because of the damn kids
I don’t have time to exercise because of the damn kids
I work in an office that is about 75% female. Whenever we have a pot luck or someone brings in treats, the females talk about how good/bad the food is and how we can’t eat too much of this one or that one because it will go straight to our hips.
And then – it never fails – someone will say that if you drink a diet Coke (or other soft drink) with that big fudge brownie, the diet Coke will cancel the calories in the brownie!
Everyone laughs and laughs at this joke … even though they’ve heard it hundreds of times before.
