Aphrodite offers to set you with with an adoring hottie. There is, of course, a snag.

In My Humble Opinion
1

Seriously, if you don’t like the silly hypotheticals, why are you still reading? Obsessive-compulsive disorder? Masochism?

Walking through the park one day, you come across lost schipperke puppy. No possible owner is in sight, and because you’re not a soulless monster, you immediately scoop up the little guy and take him home, feed him, and clean him up. Doing so, you notice that there’s Greek script all along his collar; when you touch the collar with your bare hands, those letters morph into the English sentence “I belong to the goddess of beauty & love and some other stuff we won’t get into. If you find me, please say “Aphrodite” and my mistress will be along lickety split.”

Intrrighed, you do as the collar says. In a burst of pyrotechnics, Athena’s less-hot-but-more-flighty-&-forthcoming sister appears. Squealing “Poochie!” Aphrodite takes the schipperke to her bosom and cuddles him, explaining that she had been taking the dog on a walk when she was distracted by a burly young mortal she just had to have sex with, and thus Poochie got misplaced.

The grateful goddess offers you a reward. As it turns out, you’re already on her radar as being unhappily single, and she has a solution in mind; thus she whips out her godly iPad (made by Hephaestus rather than Apple), manipulates a few controls, and shows you a picture of the most ravishingly beautiful woman or devastatingly handsome man (depending on your sexual orientation) you’ve ever seen.

“This is the perfect person for you,” Aphrodite says. “And not just phyiscally; they’re ideally suited for you intellectually and emotionally, and you for them. Now, there was a little hitch because they’re already married to someone else, but don’t worry; I just now turned every bit of love, respect, and affection they had for their spouse to hatred, contempt, and disgust, so they’re packing their bags right now and leaving in a rage. Anyway, if you --”

That’s where you interrupt. “Wait!” you say. “You mean you’re about to mind-rape this person and ruined their marriage? That’s–”

At this, Aphrodite scowls. Not coincidentally, the sky darkens, the earth shakes, and every bird within a hundred miles falls out of the sky dead. “Look, mortal,” she says, “I owe you a favor, so I’m repaying it. But don’t mistake me for one of your own kind. already did it, and I’m not undoing it no matter what you say. That’s not how I roll. Now, as I was saying, I’ve made this hottie fall in love with the simple idea of you; they’ll never be happy or even content with anyone BUT you now. So you have a choice. You can be smart, say, ‘Thank you, Aphrodite, and where exactly can I find my new beloved?’ and I’ll give you their digits. Or, if you’re going to be an ingrate, say, ‘No thanks,’ and I’ll pop back up to Olympus and you can try to handle your own love life. But say one more word that sounds like a criticism, and I’m turning you into a gerbil and dropping you into an alley full of feral cats.”

What do you say, and why?

2

What’s done is done. It’s not my fault it happened, and if taking her in would make her happy, then that’s the right thing to do.

Of course, now I’ll have to see how she gets along with my wife…

3

If I say no:
I’m still single.
Super-hottie will never be happy again.
SH’s ex is still dumped with no explanation why.

If I say yes:
I’m in the best relationship possible.
Super-hottie is in the best relationship possible.
SH’s ex is still dumped with no explanation why.

If Aphrodite gave me this choice before brain-zapping Super-hottie, then this would be a different story, but as it is, the only thing to be gained by saying “no” is a little bit of moral high ground – I’d look better in the eyes of the ex, who I’d never meet.

Hell with it…Thanks Aphrodite, how about that number now?

4

I can live with this. Gimme the hottie.

5

Would this in any way piss off Hera?

6

Thanks, but no thanks.

I’d rather have someone who wants me for me than because of some magic spell.

7

I would at least superficially thank her and take the number if, for no other reason, to avoid being punished for trying to do the right thing, and the harm to their relationship is already done. From there, it really would be difficult to be sure what I would do.

It’s probably most likely I plain wouldn’t call at all as being responsible for the end of their marriage, even if it’s indirectly, would make it difficult to feel as though I’d enter such a relationship with any integrity. Even someone who is perfectly compatible, without integrity and honesty, or with poor timing, it doesn’t amount to much. And, of course, if she really were a perfect match for me, all the more reason why I doubt she’d be cool with being manipulated into it, since I’d be seriously pissed off if it were done to me.

It is possible that I would call her, but I’d pretty much come straight right away. From there, it might be possible that something could happen, but I’d still need to at least feel comfortable that all three of us (particularly the poor guy who got screwed) may not be happy about how it went down, but at least are aware of it, so we can all try to recover and move on.

8

But Aphrodite’s spells are how *everyone *falls in love.

9

In this world, life isn’t worth living w/o a proper challenge.

Have At Me, you mangy fur-horkers!!!

10

Gimme them digits, please.

11

This is retardedly easy. I’d high five her and go have hot rabbit sex with my new guy.

12

I’d say “you start wars with Troy Bi****”
trusting her is like tryusting an arab, with a camel, riding your sister.

13

Now that’s a smart question. I doubt Aphrodite’s going to answer, what with the Greek gods basically being teenagers with less foresight (except Athena, I suppose).

I’d take the deal. She didn’t say they were happily married.

14

Knowing how tricksy the gods can be, I’d wonder if Aphrodite might be speaking literally here.

ETA: If Aphrodite revealed herself to me in this guise, I’d just be like "uhh . . bwuh . . . “bwuh . . . ummm” and the goddess would say, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

15

Send her on over. If I’m single it doesn’t matter, and since I’m married and Nashiitashii swings both ways, this can only work out to our mutual benefit.

16

I’d say: “Aphrodite, do you know there’s a chump on the Dope who thinks Athena is hotter than you?”

And before you know it, he has to change his username to Skald the Gerbil.

17

I wouldn’t ask that question of any god but Athena, my friend.

Well, maybe Herakles.

Probably not; Hera’s got her own stuff to do. You gotta figure that Lindsay Lohan’s spate of troubles is due to Hera being vexed with her for doing Zeus, who was probably disguised as that chick LL was with a few years ago. Anyway, as long as the couple in question didn’t get married according to Olympian rites, I’d say you’re safe as houses.

We’re talking about Aphrodite, not Hermes the Trickster, or even Inanna. She’s just speaking in slang.

Off topic – thanks for that link! I’ve been looking for that picture but couldn’t remember the name Simonet.

(bolding mine)

:mad:
I’m going to need you to acknowledge Athena’s awesomeness a BIT more vehemently, S’kat. I luvs you and all, but this is my god we’re talking about.

My instinct is to say that the ethical thing is to (politely!) decline the offer. But the thing is, Aphrodite’s already ruined the hottie’s marriage, remember? And the hottie can’t be happy in ANY relationship except with you now.

I fear the wrath of no lesser god, thankyouverymuch.

18

Hell’s bells, of course I’d take it. And I’d beg for her to bring by that adorably cute Poochie now and then for me to pet. Who’s a little snookums? Yes you are!

19

Then that’s on Aphrodite to fix, not me.

20

Bring on the hottie. I can fix what the goddess broke any other way.