Apology for a bigot

[friedo]

Hentor, I think you’re forgetting that the story is written from the point-of-view of a child growing up. As the story progresses it’s clear that the child is defining things and relationships in terms of other, simpler things until he gains the experience necessary to understand the more subtle aspects of what’s going on. This is typical behaviour for a child, and Scylla does an excellent job of explaining the reasoning of a growing kid.

Take this excerpt, for example,

Grandpa is huge and bald with a mustache. He has a gun to fight the monsters, and when he comes home he talks about the monsters. These monsters are called “niggers” and they do all kinds of terrible things. They hurt people for fun. They steal. They’re mean. They’re stupid. They’re that general kind of evil monster and though grandpa speaks specifically, I remember nothing about the specifics of what he would talk about, but as a small child I was very clear on how bad niggers were and that it was Grandpa’s job to stop them from doing all the bad things that niggers do.

This is not a paragraph written by a racist or someone who hates black people. It’s a paragraph that provides exposition, through the eyes of a child, into Grandpa’s character. It’s clear that the narrator here doesn’t understand what a “nigger” is, or what the term means. In his mind, its only definition is a bad person that his grandfather, the cop, must protect him from.

Obviously an adult would not have this perspective. But Scylla is not an adult in that paragraph. He is probably less than ten years old.

Similarly,

Of course I found out later that black people were niggers. It was explained to me by my mother, but it was still too much of a concept. There were good people and there were bad people, black and white. Nigger was my grandfather’s word for bad black people. My mother said he was wrong to say that word about anybody, because it was mean to people like Amanda and our neighbors who weren’t bad even if they didn’t hear it.

…is a clear condemnation of racism by Scylla’s mother. It’s also a very simplistic explanation. Why? Because Scylla was a kid when it happened. Children are smart, but not so smart that they can easily understand the complexities of societal relationships and the differences between overt bigotry and subtle racism. And the best Scylla’s mother can do is try to explain it in very simple terms. And it’s pretty ridiculous to indict him for trying to piece together an understanding of a complex issue based on a half-assed explanation and very limited knowledge of the world. This is what children do all the time, and it’s fortunate that Scylla is able to capture the essence of that type of experience in his writing.

[Phoenix_Akara]

Interesting story. Very well written. It reminds me of how my grandmother is. Only, she’ll use the n-word to refer to anyone who is just lazy and expects the world to give them whatever they want. White, black, Hispanic, European, she doesn’t care. For her, it’s descriptive of a type of behavior and mindset. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or whatever, but it’s her way. shrugs

Just a question, though, do any of you think, like I do, that bigotry against bigots is still just bigotry? To my mind, being biased against someone for any reason makes one no better than the Grand Imperial Wizard. But that’s my way. I’ve always been rather…wierd.

Phoenix

[Hentor_the_Barbarian]

friedo, I wholeheartedly understand the difficulties a child would have with this topic. As a child, growing up, it was confusing for me as well. The other night, I was trying to explain Trent Lott to my 7 year old son - what he said, what it meant, what the history was. When I got done, he asked me “Am I a black person?”

My problem is not with the misconceptions and beliefs during the process of growing up. I say again, my problem is where the protagonist ends up. Can you tell me where that is, and where the condemnation of racism is in the story? Specifically, does he repudiate his horrible public school perception of race? Does he mean to suggest that the opposing points of view regarding racist philosophy are “happy crap”? Does he not imply a return to that racist point of view with his final conversion (or reversion)?

[g8rguy]

Hentor, I have to say, without meaning any insult, that I have no idea where you’re getting the idea that Scylla is returning to a racist point of view. Heck, he admits that his grandfather is a mean old bigoted nasty man, perhaps worthy of hate. His point is not that racism is okay, it’s exactly what Lib said it was; that actions speak louder than words, that there’s some good and some bad in all of us, and that those who see only the bad and ignore the good are themselves contemptible. Not that grandpa is a hero, and grandpa is a racist, therefore being a racist is okay.

Of course, each person is going to get something different from any story, and that difference is what each person brings with them into the story. It’s entirely possible that most of us are seeing this story through rose colored glasses; it’s also possible that you’re seeing this story through… umm… whatever the opposite of rose colored glasses happens to be.

[irishgirl]

wonderful post Scylla.

perhaps you could tell the care staff some of the good things you remember about him, as he seems not to be able to tell them himself?
my grandmother was born in Cape Town, SA in 1916. She is white, of irish, portugese and german stock.
she has many of the prejudices you would expect.
and yet…

she has NEVER said the n word. not once.
she has had a correspondence for over 25 years with her former cook.
she has never mentioned the fact that my sister is dating a mixed race guy.
and she had tears of joy runing down her face when Mandela won the election.

people surprise you like that.

[coosa]

*Originally posted by Scylla *
**I’ve been wanting to right this for a while, and I’m not sure I got it right. If the language is offensive I apologize. I hope it’s clear what I think of my grandfathers’ attitudes, and that there can be no apology or excuse for them. **

I thought this bore repeating, as apparently a couple of posters overlooked it in their haste to respond.

[Scylla]

Thank you guys very much. There’s nothing really left for me to say. It was said for me. That feels very nice.

[zigaretten]

*Originally posted by Hentor the Barbarian *
In the eyes of the narrator, either the grandfather is a hero, or the grandfather is contemptible

Hentor, this is where we might as well have read different stories. For myself, the whole point of this story is that the narrator advanced beyond this sort of simplistic “black or white” world view. He has, by the end of the story, realized that the grandfather is neither the hero or the villain. He is, rather, like all of us, some of both and some of neither. But mostly, in spite of his flaws, he is person of dignity and value who is entitled to the same respect as an individual every person merits. To have ended this story with some platitudinous moral would have been to deny the very complexity that the author was trying to illustrate.

I believe that you are allowing yourself to become so caught up by the use of the word nigger that you are failing to see the larger message. But perhaps I (or we) just have to accept that stories, like all art, take on a life of their own, independent of their creator, and can mean different things to different people.

[headshok]

Scylla, I thought your OP was repulsive and beautiful. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but there it is.

[Blackeyes]

Truly worthy of Teemings. I thought it was wonderful, Scylla.

[Dragonblink]

Wow, Scylla. Just wow. Thank you for reminding me how difficult it is to ever define a person simply.

[Liberal]

Hentor

I don’t know when I’ve ever seen a more Neanderthal analysis of a story. You have a lot of balls saying that Scylla did not read you for comprehension. Your spin neglected the very heart of the narrative. I just hope you’re not a teacher.

---

Cranky

Yes, words can be powerful. But the power is formed in the ears, not in the mouth.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

*Originally posted by coosa *
**I thought this bore repeating, as apparently a couple of posters overlooked it in their haste to respond. **

Incorrect.

Not everyone was responding to Scylla’s allegation that there was no excuse for such bigotry.

They were responding to the idea that a black orderly who hears a man say “nigger” to them ought not to look down on him in any way because, unbeknowst to them, he had done good things in his life.

I don’t care if you’re Pope John Paul or Mother Theresa–some of us are going to think less of a person who says kyke, spic, nigger, etc.

What, am I supposed to be handed a resume outlining one’s achievements before I am allowed to react to the speech of a person?

Also, I have to add some people find those words so offensive that even if they’re used for artistic effect or explanation, they still gall. Just because people expressed discomfort at the frequency of the “n” word in a OP, it doesn’t mean they overlooked an author’s honest disclaimer.

I try not to be such a crabby bitch on the boards and I’d like to think I’m a success 60% of the time. But for the love of mike, will you please not try to get inside the head of other posters and claim knowledge them what they thought, forgot to think about, or failed to read.

Christ I’m feeling bitchy. Time to go eat some ice cream. Sorry for my cranky-ass tone.

[Scylla]

Cranky:

I guess it’s the casual dismissal that angers me, and the smugness and feelings of superiority that I sense. Anger or repulsion, would seem ok. This seems belittling and wrong.

Sorry I can’t explain it better.

[delphica]

*Originally posted by zigaretten *
To have ended this story with some platitudinous moral would have been to deny the very complexity that the author was trying to illustrate.

But let’s look at the platitudinous moral with which the story did end:

The contempt of those who stand and watch means nothing, because they are nothing.

We have some ambiguity here – in the story, the image of standing and watching comes from the people on the beach who did not assist in the attempted rescue of the young man. However, the people who have contempt for the grandfather are those who work in the nursing home. It is certainly possible that the first group, the people from the beach, also had contempt for the grandfather, but I’m not as concerned with them.

The second group, the people who work in the nursing home, are also lumped in with people who stand and watch and do nothing. Now, I’m not claiming to be a literary genius or anything, but I do think I understand that the author is extending the concept of “standing and watching” to go beyond the specific example of standing and watching that particular incident on the beach, to generally standing and watching the injustices of the world while doing nothing as one goes through life.

It is this falsity that stuns me the most – that the nursing home people are DOING NOTHING, and the even more creepy assertion that they ARE NOTHING.

The nursing home people are doing something – they are working in a nursing home and providing for the daily needs and medical care of people who cannot do for themselves. They are doing it despite the fact that some of their residents are often confused, resentful of their own diminishing abilities, who do things such as call the nursing home employees “nigger.” As the responses have shown, I think many of us can relate to having older relatives who, by definition, lived in a different generation and with a different set of circumstances that in many cases created a world view that we are not comfortable with for ourselves. I’m not contesting that point.

What I’m contesting is the idea that these employees are “nothing.” They have a difficult job, working with difficult people, and the grandfather in this story is probably not the only person using such language. They get up, go to work to earn money to support their families, get called “nigger,” and still perform their duties to make sure that proper care is given. That’s not “nothing” in my book, that’s an awful lot. I think it takes a strong person to keep doing this with the understanding that it’s going to keep happening.

Sharing this story with the employees might be nice in the sense that they might appreciate learning more about a person in their care. Sharing it with the intention that it be a lesson to them about accepting racist remarks with humility would be patronizing beyond belief.

If the author has reason to believe that the grandfather is not receiving proper care, then of course that is a legitmate complaint and a very grave issue, but one that is different than the subject of this story. The only thing I see in this story is that the author objects to their objecting to being called niggers. Gee, my heart bleeds.

[zigaretten]

delphica….

First…….Scylla doesn’t just say “the employees at the home,” he refers to “they” and “the other people……at the home” as well as “the workers at the home.” Last time I visited a nursing home the people present included staff, patients and visitors. In other words, he is talking about all of the people who now, for all practical purposes, make up his grandfather’s entire world.

Second….he doesn’t condemn them for “DOING NOTHING.” He very specifically condemns them for what they are doing……” I hear other people deride him”….” talk down to him, treat him with a contempt……” But more importantly, he condemns them for having the sort of attitude which leads to this sort of behavior.

Scylla isn’t extending the concept of “standing and watching” literally; he says that the “faces are familiar.” What he’s saying, if my reading comprehension hasn’t failed me, is that these people who now deride his grandfather have something in common with the people on the beach, but that something isn’t “standing and watching the injustices of the world while doing nothing as one goes through life.” The people on the beach represent the smug complacency of people who go through life paying lip service to “compassion” and “right behavior” but who, when the going gets tough, lack the depth of character to “dive into the water” or to make the effort to truly understand another person, even when that person’s behavior makes understanding difficult. And note that Scylla includes his own face amongst those people, and for the record I’ll include mine as well, because he isn’t talking about some small group here, he’s talking about all of us.

This story is not about someone getting substandard care in a nursing home. It’s about how we measure the worth of other people and how we are all too often willing to degrade others over trifles in order to prop up our own egos.

Is the remark that these people are “NOTHING” unjustified? Of course. But this isn’t an analytical statement, it’s just an expression of anger at injustice. And the beauty is that it simply adds another level of complexity to a story which is about complexity. After all, who the heck is Scylla to condemn these people for condemning his grandfather, and who the heck am I to condemn Scylla for condemning……

[Mighty_Girl]

zigaretten, thanks for putting words to my thoughts.

[Left_Hand_of_Dorkness]

I dunno. I keep coming back to the idea of some guy I’m trying to help trying to punch me and calling me a nigger. If that happens to me, I’ll probably not have a whole lot of respect for that man. And I’m guessing few people would: I think you gotta be a saint to get attacked and verbally abused by someone and, in the absence of any other experience of that person, hold them in high regard.

If I were that worker, I might want to be angry at the old man – but I’d risk my job if I expressed that anger directly him. Mockery might be my only outlet for my anger.

I guess I’d ask for a little understanding for the difficult place your grandfather has put these workers in. Maybe they’re not handling that difficulty in the best way possible – but neither is your grandfather, and yet you respect him.

Daniel

[Jake]

tomndebb has it correct. Grandpa was born and raised in a different era, where prejudice was politically correct. As I was. We, as a society, have changed and are continually evolving for the better I think.

But sometimes the (Para) phrase “Old Habits Are Hard to Change”
is difficult.

[Scylla]

zigarreten:

Thanks. You articulated that better than I could.
Daniel:

For what it’s worth the guy Grampa hit was damn decent about it.