First of all, why is there a need to comment on other people’s food in public?
I realize that eating is an obsession in Ohio. On most nationwide surveys of obesity, the Buckeye State ranks near the top, and I’d wager that at least 1 in 3 Ohioans cannot see their toes from a standing position, much less touch them. But must this preoccupation with food extend to what’s on my plate? Is it essential, for example to point to my large popcorn at the movies and say to your companion, “My, what a huuuuge bag of popcorn! I could never eat that much! And all that melted butter…”?
We are not fooled by your disapproving comments about portion size, speculations on sauce additives, jocular comments like “Gee, thanks for bringing me a sandwich” and similar inanities. You desperately want my food. And you can’t have it. So shut up.
And has no one ever taught Ohioans how to stand on line (what the Brits would refer to as proper queuing behavior)? When you’re waiting behind the person receiving service, is it absolutely necessary to stand 15 feet behind them? I can’t tell if you’re being indecisive, Overly Respectful Of Another Person’s Space, or just plain comatose. From way back here I can’t read the menu or scope out the ticket prices. So get your act together, step up and join the world!
All righty then. I’ll commicate your wishes to the remainder of the citizens of Ohio. I’m on a first name basis with all 11,373,541 (U.S. Census estimate of 7/1/01) of them. We’ll take care of this post haste.
Well, I gotta say this has a distressing lack of vitriol.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Jackmannii *
First of all, why is there a need to comment on other people’s food in public?
I realize that eating is an obsession in Ohio. On most nationwide surveys of obesity, the Buckeye State ranks near the top, and I’d wager that at least 1 in 3 Ohioans cannot see their toes from a standing position …
[quote]
Right here you miss a wide open opportunity to add much needed profanity. You should have gone with
“… at least 1 in 3 Ohioans cannot see their dicks from a standing position.”
See? Much more Pit-Worthy already.
Here are several missed opportunities. The most entry-level is, of course:
“So shut the fuck up!”
You have two separate mini-rants going here and you could have tied them together by linking the standing in line with eating. Instead of “just plain comatose” you should have speculated that they were in a “food-induced coma stemming from the extra tub of butter-laden popcorn”
I’d like to point out several more places to insert such comments as “lard-ass” and “slack-jawed drooling at my popcorn” but I feel that until you master the simple “Shut the Fuck UP” the rest may be too advanced. Please study a few jarbabyj rants to get the idea.
The only thing more trite than a response to a Pit post complaining about the lack of profanity is the declaration that one is pulling up a lawn chair so as to enjoy the festivities. If you can’t recognize a low-key rant, then all I have to say to you is:
Come off it.
And what a clever rejoinder from black455, marred only by his obviously not having comprehended my initial post. It’s the person way up there at the head of the line that the clueless bozo in front of me is keeping at a distance.
But you are forgiven. It must be trying times down there in Cincy, what with Bob Huggins preparing to leave for the hills of West Virginia and the Reds about to undertake their season-long plunge into the cellar.
I am sorry if I offended you, Uncle Beer, but sometimes these distressing demographic trends are most obvious to a relative newcomer like me. To add some balance, here are some positive things to say about life here in Ohio:
The drivers are no worse than anywhere else.
Skyline Chili is not actively toxic and the oyster crackers are OK.
Congratulations to Otterbein, who won the national title in curling…or horseshoes…or something like that. 4. There’s better barbecue than in Houston.
The only thing more trite than a response to a Pit post complaining about the lack of profanity is the declaration that one is pulling up a lawn chair so as to enjoy the festivities. If you can’t recognize a low-key rant, then all I have to say to you is:
Come off it.
And what a clever rejoinder from black455, marred only by his obviously not having comprehended my initial post. It’s the person way up there at the head of the line that the clueless bozo in front of me is keeping at a distance.
But you are forgiven. It must be trying times down there in Cincy, what with the boycott, Bob Huggins preparing to leave for the hills of West Virginia and the Reds about to undertake their season-long plunge into the cellar.
I am sorry if I offended you, Uncle Beer, but sometimes these distressing demographic trends are most obvious to a relative newcomer like me. To add balance, here are some positive things to say about life here in Ohio:
The drivers are no worse than anywhere else.
Skyline Chili is not actively toxic and the oyster crackers are OK.
Congratulations to Otterbein, who won the national title in curling…or horseshoes…or something like that. 4. There’s better barbecue than in Houston.
I always think of Ohio as the food-preference capital of the US. A main topic of discussion at any meal (or entertainment experience, which has to include food) is what everyone won’t eat. Mostly it’s information along the lines of:
“EEeeew, I won’t eat mushrooms!”
“Yuck, I won’t eat onions.”
“I only eat food that’s beige and rectangular.”
And so on. And I’m pleased and amazed to find out that I’m not the only one who has noticed this.
[semi hi-jack]
Well considering Huggins is staying that isn’t a problem and the Reds will not be bad this year. Granted they won’t win the division but with everyone healthy they put together a semi good season of around .500 ball.[/semi hi-jack]
Awww Yeaaaahhh! Did you guys see the article where that “Ripper” or whatever (the one behind the Magnum that lifted you up and then dropped you for a pendulum swing) snapped in two from the high winds? I never got to try it, and now they aren’t rebuilding . But we do get a new ride this year–Come on May! I am fidgiting in my seat just thinking about it.
Cedar Point–where carnival food lays about as far as the eye can see!
bella–Toledo girl who won’t eat stuff that’s white & slimy (think mayonnaise) or anything that once swam
. But we do get a new ride this year–Come on May! I am fidgiting in my seat just thinking about it.