A)She’s giving the condoms to her daughter and she isn’t going to stop just because her daughter passes them along to a friend.
B)So fucking what. Foxy gives a damn about a teenager not having an unplanned pregnancy or catching an STD, both of which cost us as a society. The grandfather can either be a responsible parent or he can sit on it and spin.
The OP handled this as well as she could have.
I don’t understand this mentality at all. Condoms are simply a thing. I don’t see the need for “authority” at all in this situation. It isn’t about authority. She didn’t demand that Sally use condoms or for Sally to have sex. She merely substituted Sally’s unsafe choice with a safer choice. Sally still needs to make her own choices and the OP has nothing to do with that.
Perhaps.
Foxy40 was being sneaky. If you have to do something in a less than straightforward way that should be a hint that maybe you shouldn’t be doing it and you also know you shouldn’t be.
Don’t get me wrong. I think Foxy40 was in one those shittty assed damned if you do and damned if you don’t kind of moral problems. And I think she probably did more good than bad all in all.
OTOH, the whole “I didn’t actually GIVE your daughter the condoms” shell game is just some moral baloney IMO to make Foxy40 not feel guilty and technically speaking doing no wrong.
Even had Foxy upended a 100condom carton of trojans on Sally’s bed, she’d have done no wrong. Sally is sexually active and her grandparents either need to deal with that or admit that they’re sucky people and let Foxy handle it. But the worst scenario, morally, is to let Sally go around fucking willies-nilly with no thought to preventing pregnancy or transmission of STDs.
My son and I have a relationship characterized by open communication. My son and I have an interest in firearms. A 16 year old friend of my son approaches me and tells me he is very interested in guns, but his mother is adamantly against his using or possessing guns. I feel if he gets a gun off the street he is likely to be unsafe in using it. I tell him I will teach him about guns as I feel that it is an important part of being an adult and taking responsibility for your own safety.
Over the next several months he and my son train with various guns on my farm shooting range and we have many involved discussions about firearms. On his birthday my son gives him a 22 caliber rifle as a present.
I soon recieve an angry call from his mother that I am corrupting her child and turning him into some kind of thug by encourgaging his use of firearms. I respond that the gun was a gift and he was going to learn about guns anyway so it’s best he did it in a safe and controlled enviropment. This does not assauge his mothers anger and she says she will throw him out if he insists on keeping the rifle (locked and secured) in her house.
Did I encourage a teen to be a gun owner? Am I responsible for the conflict between he and his mother. Should I tell her to read the second amendment “right to bear arms” clause and that she needs to get over it?
I think you did just fine.
The grandfather reminds me of my best friend’s mother when I was a teen. I’ll call my friend Mary. Mary’s mother didn’t seem to ever grasp that she had a teenage daughter, and Mary had restrictions that were always way more severe than me or any of her other friends. Mary would get in trouble because she stayed out to the late-late time of 7pm studying with me and some other friends in the library! There were oodles of those kinds if things - Mary not being allowed to go to school-sponsored dances, Mary not being allowed to date even when she was a Junior in high school, etc etc.
If Mary was EVER caught doing anything bad, like sneaking out at night, or staying out past her curfew, or not coming home in time for dinner, and her mother found out it was ALWAYS my fault. Always always always. It was That Bad Athena’s fault that Mary stayed at the library late. It was That Bad Athena’s fault that band practice was late and Mary didn’t get home until after dark. Never mind that at least half the time I wasn’t even WITH Mary when these things happened. I was the bad sheep and Mary shouldn’t be friends with me and I was a horrible influence.
And you know what? To this day - when Mary and I are both in our early 40s, and are respectable adults, married, kids, jobs, mortgages, etc - her mother STILL thinks I’m a bad egg! Mary lives far away now, but comes to visit every summer, and Mary’s found it easier to just not mention me to her mother most of the time. It’s crazy!
Anyway, that was a long story, but red lights went on for me when Gramps called and accused the OP of leading her daughter into sin. Some people just don’t want to admit that their kids can lead themselves astray just fine. You can’t change him, and I think you handled it nicely. Just keep him at arm’s length.
Is this the same kid that is sleeping wit grandpa’s granddaughter? If so, he’s going to need that 22 rifle when grandpa comes after him with his shotgun.
Yes. Yes. No, you violated a boundary in the hypothetical. Owning and using guns is not a biological imperative and the two scenarios are not remotely similar.
Yes, no, and no.
And your hypothetical bears no resemblance to what Foxy40 did. That would be something more like:
"My son’s friend confessed to me about three months ago that he was ‘borrowing’ a gun and having fun shooting it, but had no real idea what he was doing. I spoke to him about talking to his parents and about getting some firearms training but he said not only would that never happen, but his mother is adamantly against his using or possessing guns.
The friend was evasive when I inquired how he does manage to get access to and fire a gun if his parents forbid it. I had an very serious conversation with both the boys about the legal and physical risks of using firearms. I was very clear that I didn’t approve of the friend’s choice but if he is going to use a weapon, he needs proper training. With that in mind, I went out and signed my son up for a firearms class and also gave him a gift membership. I did NOT give it to his friend, however, I did know my son would."
Now, the answers to your questions would be no, no, and still, no.
This theoretical is missing a part.
If you include something where your son’s friend is already shooting guns and doesn’t know the first thing about gun safety, then the analogy would be more apt. At that point gun safety instruction would be entirely appropriate and analogous. Actually taking the individual to a gun range would be analogous to fucking Sally, which would not be appropriate.
Astro is a dirty dirty man!!
I shoot .22s and I don’t think the .22 is going to even slow Grandpa down. Unless he manages to get him in the eye or something.
Analogy fail. You’re making it possible for the kid to do something he wasn’t doing on his own; Foxy is making it safer for Sally to have sex.
If you want to stick with your hypothetical, let’s change it a little: your son’s friend tells you he’s gotten his hands on a gun and he’s shooting at tin cans. You discourage him from doing so, have a talk about safe gun handling and making sure you know what’s behind your target, etc. Then you give your son ear protection, knowing it’ll find it’s way to his friend.
Not quite the overstepping of boundaries that you made it out to be.
Possibly.
You do not owe a child any obligation of confidence, and you should point that out to them. The reason is simple, if what they tell you makes you suspect that they or someone else is putting them at risk of being hurt, or could be abuse, then your obligation to that child is to protect them and that means reporting it and breaking that confidence. That can mean having difficult conversations,with Guardians, police, social services etc. and possibly losing that “special relationship” but that shouldn’t matter because the most important thing is that the child is safe.
When you kept Sally’s secret there was more information that you didn’t know, namely the getting into a stranger’s car, which WAS dangerous and risky behaviour.
I think you should have told the grandparents.
No, this I think is the right thing to do and you seem to have done it in a way that wasn’t condoning Sally’s behaviour, but acting in her best interests.
You did the right thing, well done. Gramps is looking for someone to yell at (I know that feeling), rather than looking at their own issues (like their granddaughter is able to sneak out of the house at night).
There are days when I just want someone to yell at who is tangentially related to the issue at hand - because it is a lot easier to be made at them instead of me or my kid.
Certainly would drive the point home. 
WhyNot - great idea! I’ve been thinking about doing something like this myself in a few years, since I have a feeling that the Firebug is going to get familiar with girls earlier than most. (He’s 5 now, so I’ve got some breathing room, thank goodness.)
You had a good heart, but I think you crossed the line. Parents and guardians should be the ones to set the tone for sexual matters (religion, too). As long as they are not harming the child, it’s better to let them raise their children they way they want. It probably would be better to tell the child to talk to their parent for these matters, or at least the school guidance councilor.
You don’t live in the Deep South do you? 
You’re right. Better to just let Sally get pregnant at 16.