Okay, I’ve been watching a lot of Beverly Hills lately (don’t shoot!). The parents for the most part seem really cool–well, when it comes to their sons getting it on. Apologizing when they walk in on Brandon making out with his gal, etc. (But getting very annoyed when seeing Brenda and Dylan making out on the couch, realizing Brenda’s had a preggo scare.) Being a dorky kid, this never happened for me in high school.
So if your kid is making out with their sig. other on the bed, fully clothed, but lying down, and you walk in on them…is this cool? And how does the opinion change from say…fourteen up to seventeen? Does gender matter do you?
Do you forbid sex? Or was it more don’t ask/don’t tell? Or would you take them to get birth control pills, supply condoms if needed, etc.?
And of course, if you’re a former adolescent, feel free to weigh in on how your parents did it.
My son is currently 20. He was permitted to have his girlfriend stay over (with her parent’s permission) since he was 16 and yes, I supplied condoms and was sure to knock.
How exactly do you get the other parents permission? This is a serious question.
Thankfully, my kids would be icked out by the idea of having sex with their parents home (We have a small house.) Our policy was door open, lights on but in general we didn’t check up. Both sons have dated girls who’s parents were less strict but I’m pretty sure none have provided condoms.
I believe shows like OC and such give kids a false idea of what they are supposed to expect from life. It can be a struggle to explain why they can’t just do whatever they want since all the kids on TV are clearly having a great time doing just that. Plus those shows make everyone feel like they aren’t getting enough action.
As long as they are being safe about it, there really isn’t any reason why they shouldn’t be able to express themselves sexually. The trick is to ensure that they have enough self esteem to know how to make a good judgment call in regards to it.
Before I was 18, I was not involved in sexual activity in my parents home (although there was plenty of stuff going on when I went away to music camp over the summer). When I was in college, and afterwards, my girlfriends would stay in my room with me, and there were no questions asked or rules made.
My mom always did have a saying (which she would say at least once a year since I was 15 or so) that “condoms, dental floss and vitamins” were a key to a healthy life.
When my daughter became sexually active I took her to the doctor so that she could get a pill prescription. With my son I made sure he was aware of the risks of relying on condoms but advised that he use them.
My hubby has a strict “no sex in my house” policy, so they all have to adhere to that rule. I was more lax about it in my house (before we were married), but since they seem to all have outgrown trying to sneak sex partners in the house, it’s kind of a moot point now.
I’ve found this to be an underlying theme of life - for everyone.
My parents pretty much went for complete denial. My (now) husband and I stayed in separate rooms at their house even after we were engaged.
They’ve mellowed a bit apparently. My brother and his girfriend got the same room when they stayed recently. He’s 46 and she’s 50, though, so I guess they figure it’s okay.
I’m not looking forward to dealing with the issue–not because of my kids, but because of my husband. He’s going to be difficult.
In high school my parents had a door open policy and normally my mom made my dad stay awake as an additional deterrent. Luckily he didn’t care and would go down stairs and sleep on the couch. Once I was in college my parents don’t particularly care but when I’ve asked my dad he just said he didn’t want strange women staying the night. I though that was fair because who would want some strange woman stealing food out the fridge in the morning.
When I was a teenager, my dad never laid out any rules for me and I didn’t ask for any. I only found out what bothered him when I actually did it-- when I was 16, my then-boyfriend and I had fallen asleep on the pull-out bed on the living room couch, which we would often lay on to watch movies or whatever. The next day, after the boyfriend had gone home, my dad told me he didn’t want me doing that again. At the time, I was confused, because he didn’t care if we laid on it while awake, but now I understand that it would be a little strange to walk down the stairs in the morning and see your 16-year-old daughter snuggled up to some dude in your living room.
From that situation, I just extrapolated my own rules (no sex/sleeping same room while the dad’s home) and obeyed them as if he had told them to me directly. I kind of just figured things out based on respect and common sense, which is probably why he never felt the need to dictate anything specifically, other than that one time. I also just assumed that he would be ok with me sharing a bed with my long-distance boyfriend after I’d graduated high school on the rare occasions that he’d come to visit, and he apparently was, so I guess my assumptions worked well for us.
The “sex in the house” rule around here is the same for my daughter as it is for me - a little discretion, please.
We keep track of each other’s schedules, and know when we have the place to ourselves. We call if we’re going to be home later *or * earlier than expected.
That rule, by the way, was instituted when *she * walked in on me. Given the years of therapy she’s likely to need from that incident, I’m pretty sure she’d prefer to avoid reenacting it from my perspective.
I read this as you’d been watching the Beverly Hillbillies and my take on things was quite different at first!
I’ve given them the talk about condoms/STDs–it’s a topic I tend to mention when something comes up at work (like PID). I’ve given my daughter the talk about how and what kind of pressure guys will place to get laid(you guys can get creative, I’ll give you that). She is going to the student clinic to get her Gardasil and BC when she arrives on campus–when, where, and who etc is up to her (I hope). I have talked to my son about not believing any girl who says she’s on the Pill and to make sure he uses a condom (ditto him re when, where, who etc). We have condoms in the house; they know where they are. More than that, I cannot do, realistically speaking.
I think I lucked out: neither kid has had a “serious” BF or GF yet. Each kid and each parent is so different, its’ hard to generalize as to what to say and do and when to say and do it.
I never would have dreamed of doing anything sexual in my parents’ house while they were around. For one, I was mildly asexual in high school. And while I did have co-ed sleepovers, most of my guy friends were gay or platonic. Also, their house is old. I could barely walk up the stairs without the place creaking. Don’t want to think about shaking the bed.
As for STDs and pregnancy, I think my mother tried to bring sex up once and I just said something like, ‘I know everything. Believe me.’ I actually was quite informed (probably what kept me from having sex).
Wow, I am boggled at the number of parents checking in who apparently think their children are old enough to have sex, but not old enough to be trusted to purchase and/or use their own contraception.
When I was a teenager, no way in Hell would my mom have knowingly allowed me to have sex with anyone in her house. (And I didn’t, and frankly if I were staying at either of my parents’ places, I’d still feel a little weird about having sex there, and I’m 39 and happily shacked up.) I think this rule basically applied for as long as I lived in her house (until I was 21, and several months after I had graduated college).
It was even weird when I was maybe 24 - 25 years old and had a serious boyfriend who stayed over at my apartment 5 - 6 nights a week. One night he and I were out with my mom and some family friends for dinner, and her purse was stolen. As her keys and her ID with address were both in the purse, she didn’t want to stay in her own place until she could get the locks changed, so she stayed at my place (with me and my boyfriend) for the night. Not only was there no sex, he was so weirded out that he basically wouldn’t touch me all night, even to snuggle. I thought that was overkill, and I’m sure Mom would have thought so, too.
It hasn’t come up yet, really. My sixteen-year-old daughter has a lot of trouble making friends and I don’t know why. She’s also pretty and has a good shape, so I’d think there’d be some boys on the scene, but no. A few years ago, she told us she thought she was gay. I said fine, her grandma freaked the fuck out. She’s since retracted that declaration. So who knows. We’re talking about getting her some BC anyway, for her skin and to regulate her period.
The boy’s eleven and doesn’t seem to have discovered girls yet.
My stepkids are very active. The girl is on BC but has “scares” all the time, probably just to manipulate her parents. Her boyfriend is pretty much with her at all times.
The boy’s girlfriend just moved away, but up till that point, he was with her constantly. They would lie together under a blanket on our couch and “watch TV”. They were not allowed to be alone in his room. I thought this made for quite an uncomfortable situation for the rest of us, but my husband was trying to cut them a break since the girl was moving away. :rolleyes:
When I was a teenager, I wasn’t allowed to be alone in a room with a boy and if we laid a finger on each other in the presence of my family, we got the stinkeye. I think that’s the way things should be. Of course, we had sex elsewhere, but not anywhere near my house!
No opposite sex kids in their rooms.
A lot of making out (or more) undoubtedly went on down in the basement while we were upstairs, but anyone had better climb off each other and button up should we enter the room. Just courtesy in my opinion.
Tho I don’t really care, I’m pretty sure all 3 (20, 19, and 17) are virgins. Tho I think my oldest (girl) would benefit from getting laid and loosening up. Girls just finished up their Gardasil shots. And I believe both are on the pill for acne or whatever.
Hope my son gets more at college than his dad did. Youngest is too lazy and self-centered to deal with everything she feels goes along with boyfriends and sex.
I’m going to take my daughter to a Chastity Ball when she’s 12, at which I will assert my ownership of her vagina and promise to protect it zealously until the official transfer of ownership on her first wedding anniversary. Problem solved.
