1) The telephone. I hate the telephone with the fire of a thousand A-class stars going nova at once. Every day, at some preset time, ‘The Flood’, as I call it, breaks through. It seems that all of my sister’s friends call, one after the other, and she stays on and speaks to them for up to three hours each. Pile on telemarketers, phone surveys, and prank calls, and I almost curse Alexander Bell’s name. The only saving grace of this invention is the Internet, naturally…
2) The television. Shows like The Simpsons and Monty Python are the only reason I’d watch the chattering commercial cyclops.
3) The obligatory Opal reference.
4) The toaster. A dedicated appliance for the conversion of bread into dry, brittle bread… It just doesn’t make sense to me.
5) The electric can opener. The whirring noise just gets to me, like Latin chanting in every daemon-possession movie I’ve seen.
6) The microwave oven. Whatsa matter, can’t wait 45 minutes for a pizza to cook? Poor baby.
Heck, I hate about every kitchen appliance beyond the refrigerator, freezer, and oven. Which appliances do you hate?
[sub]I just realized how much like a cranky old man (not CrankyAsAnOldMan, mind you) I sound like…[/sub]
Agreed, microwave lovers say things like “it’s so convenient, I can get a baked potato whenever I want one” Yeah? guess what, so can I, I simply use an ordinary oven and my brain to plan ahead (the potato tastes better that way too)
The toaster is ok, IMHO, because I like warm bread and not room-temp or cold bread. Also, without toasters I’d never have seen my mother almost start the kitchen ceiling on fire.
Microwave, of course. IMHO, things taste best when cooked over an open fire. Second best is on a grill. After that is on the stove or in the oven. After that is the toaster or toaster oven. After that is the microwave. I guess after that is holding a lighter underneath it until it’s heated.
I don’t mind TV, but radios suck 98% of the time. Especially car stereos that people think are cool because they can deafen you at incredible speed.
Wrist-watches, if they count as appliances. Pocket watches are OK.
I’ll second the telephone, and I won’t even give it credit for the internet. I’ve got a cable modem. Now, the phone serves primarily as a way for telemarketers to bug the heck out of me.
Besides that and the alarm clock, I’m down with the rest of my home appliances, though. Although I agree that a microwave serves only two purposes: heating water and microwave popcorn.
I have a Dirt Devil that I absolutely despise. If you ask it to make itself useful and pick up something like popcorn kernels, it just squeals and whines. “Laws, Miss Scarlett, I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout pickin’ up no popcorn kernels…”
I’ve burned out two of them so far, doing things like–[gasp]–vacuuming the car. “How dare you ask that poor helpless machine to vacuum that whole car? Shame, shame on you…”
So now I’ve got Dirt Devil #3 prominently labeled “Just Dust” in yellow vinyl tape cut-out sticky letters, and I use it for vacuuming spilled seed hulls and feathers (but only the itty-bitty down feathers, not the big ones :eek: ) under the budgie cage.
And when I want to vacuum the car, I drag out the 1970s Hoover canister vac that my mother gave me for a wedding present. Hey, it’s got a short in the cord, so you turn it on by plugging it in, and it weighs about as much as a mid-size sedan, but you ask it to vacuum popcorn kernels out of the back seat of the car, and it is On–The–Job, TCB, yes ma’am, what shall I do next?
So I guess you could say your Hoover really sucks, huh?
I’ve also killed my share of DustBusters and Dirt Devils through the years. I’m convinced that all of those little hand-held vacs are evil.
I now vacuum my car at the car wash. Those vacs will suck up ANYTHING.
Appliances I hate…hmmmm…
I guess the can opener. I just don’t have room for one, I hate that whiney squeal they make, so I’ve always used a good old-fashioned hand cranked one.
I also can’t handle a curling iron or hot rollers. I can do a blow dryer, but that’s about it as far as hair styling stuff.
I don’t know if you would call this thing an appliance and I do not hate all of its kind, but I feel nothing but a deep and personal hatred toward my toilet.
It is possessed. I’ve even started a thread about it once. The (relatively) new low flush john in my apartment is a thing of evil. It spits. It moans and screeches, but only after midnight. It does not like toilet paper or crap and will, with dismaying frequency, return such items back to you.
Unholy flusher from the realm of the damned, I despise you!
There are times I want to take a monkey wrench to my damn La Marzotto espresso machine … what? You mean that actually belongs to my workplace? Hmmm …
Oh yes! Electric stoves. God I hate electric stoves! I hate them with a white-hot passion that makes me want to go back in time and throttle Mr. Edison. I’d walk five miles to cook on a gas stove again … which is about how far I’d have to walk to find one, as I live in Crappy Off-Campus Housing ™.
Boy, do I ever agree with that! I had one in an appt. years ago, and I’ll never have another.
All is not lost, though. Get one of those portable propane single or double stoves, Kinda expensive, but worth it.
Or make that butane. They look like this; http://www.hammerjack.com/stove.html
Peace,
mangeorge
Who on earth uses a microwave to make a “baked” potato? Microwaves can’t bake, but they are very good at what they do. They are particularly good at cooking vegetables (with minimal water and therefore minimal loss of taste, texture, color, and nutrition) and at heating up small quantities of liquid quickly and efficiently.
I have never understood the fascination with gas cooktops. Sure, you can change the temperature quickly, but on the other hand you’ve got open flames in your kitchen. They’re dirty and hard to clean, and older models sucked at holding low temperatures, particularly if there was anything resembling a draft in the room. And gas ovens, of course, are the tools of the devil. We now have an induction cooktop, which is clean, extremely safe, and energy-efficient. It changes temperature instantly and holds any temperature you tell it to. (The drawback is that it’s picky about what sort of pots and pans you use, but we needed to replace our beat-up old cookware anyway. IKEA’s 365+ cookware is perfect for induction cooktops and not particularly expensive.) Below that, an electric oven with convection unit and all the bells and whistles. I’m a happy flodnak.
Appliances I do not like:
Electric can openers must be wonderful for those with difficulty using their hands. For most people, however, they are wastes of electricity and counter space.
Cell phones. They have their uses, but this is getting way out of hand. I like being “unavailable” from time to time, thanks - like any time I’m eating out, watching a movie, or attending a concert or play for starters, and yes that was a hint.
Most “one trick pony” appliances. If it doesn’t do something you can’t really do any other way (e.g. waffle iron) or it isn’t in use at least once a week (e.g. rice cooker for us, coffee maker for most households), then why on earth do you have it in your kitchen?
Beepers. I refuse to own one of those electronic leashes. I had to use one while I was on a job one time and I could not stand the thing.
I got my wife a cell phone for saftey, but we hardly use it. I will admit it comes in handy, but we make sure to turn it off when we’re somewhere it would bother others.
I also hate the dishwasher at our apartment. I may be assuming too much but I thought an appliance with a name like dishwasher might actually clean the freakin’ dishes. I would probably get better results if I left the dishes out in the yard while it rains.
What’s the point of the meat dehydrater? I haven’t seem them in a long time, but they used to be sold on TV infomercials all the time about 5 years ago. I’ve gone my entire life without eating beef jerky, perhaps because I don’t trust food sold mainly at gas stations. So who has such a dependence on dehydrated meat that they need a dedicated home appliance for it?
I hate fax machines and xerox machines. Not because of what they do, but because of how poorly they are designed. I can NEVER get either one of them to work properly. I ALWAYS have to ask a secretary. And the thing is, I’m not that kind of guy that just tosses every single task that isn’t interesting to his secretary. And I don’t want to come across as one either: I feel like such an ass if I have to ask her to do it for me, knowing that she’s busy enough already.
So, there you go, xeroxes and faxes.
Oh, parking meters suck the big one too, but that one goes without saying. And I suppose I could add automated highway speed cameras, too.
I used to hate parking meters, untill the downtown merchants had a promotional “free parking” day. All the spaces filled by 7am and stated that way all day.
Now I hate them, but with a reluctant appreciation.
I hate the speed cameras too, but only for me. Not for the other guy, who obviously doesn’t know how to speed safely. Idiots.
Peace,
mangeorge
I second can openers. It is pretty disgusting to think that people are too lazy to manually open their own damn cans and have to rely on some mechanical device to do all their work for them. It’s a can people, and it takes like, what, ten seconds to manually open it??!
