I am not sure it is possible to have a frank and open discussion about this topic but that is my hope for this. I, personally, am not advocating a position although I will be expressing an opinion. Which is to say I am really looking to sort my notions about this and can be convinced one way or another.
I get it that we are supposed to view an adult having sex with a teen as a bad thing regardless of whether it is a man or woman doing it.
Here’s the part that is likely to trigger a lot of people here…
Is an adult woman having sex with a teen as bad as an adult man having sex with a teen (assume heterosexual relations for this just to keep it simple)?
Why or why not?
For my part, if I think back to my teenage years, I am certain I would have been pretty happy if a hot teacher or friend’s mom decided to seduce me. Not kidding, I know it is a trope but it is a trope for a reason.
I do not think most teenage girls would be as psyched in the same situation…far from it.
I know society does not view women seducing underage men as harshly as the reverse…as the link above shows.
Is it really a double standard or are males and females to be judged the same when it comes to this?
This is frequently used as an example for why when women claim that men are “privileged” they neglect to mention a few things. Like massive disparities in criminal sentencing, drafts for wars, how charities treat them, that sort of thing.
As far as I know the main consistent way men get a “privilege” is they are more likely to be paid more and promoted at work. And also men tend to work more hours than women at work and don’t have to take months off during their childbearing years so the amount of bias may be less than it appears on the surface.
So you would be just as bothered if a 30 year old woman seduced your 15 year old son as you would be if a 30 year old man seduced you 15 year old daughter?
Your outrage would be the same? Regardless of how either of the kids felt about what happened?
Why wouldn’t it be? Are there reasons it’s bad for an adult man to have sex with a teenage girl, that wouldn’t apply the other way around?
If it’s because the teenager is too young and immature to consent—are teenage boys any more mature than teenage girls?
If it’s because the teenage girl could end up pregnant—the teenage boy could end up a father.
If it’s because the man would be taking the girl’s virginity, sullying her virtue, and leaving her “damaged goods” and diminishing her value on the marriage market—do we still think that way in the 21st century?
If it’s because you think you would have been happy being seduced by an adult woman when you were a teen—would it make it okay if a teenage girl was “happy” about being seduced? And in either case, does being “happy” about it really mean it wouldn’t have caused any harm?
Although considering homosexual relations too might help us think about why/whether the sex of the parties involved matters.
People differ. But I think that on average, it is less traumatic for a male youth to enter into a sexual relationship than for a female youth. And I think it’s the sex of the kid that matters far more than the sex of the adult.
I’m only talking about teens who are sexually mature and who choose to have sex with an older person. So, depending on the law, I might be talking about statutory rape, but not about youths who are coerced into sex. And I’m certainly not talking about prepubescent boys or girls.
But yeah, the men whose stories I’ve read who had sex when they were teens (with an adult man or woman) were mostly happy about it, and the women whose stories I’ve read who had sex (with an adult man, I don’t think I’ve read a young lesbian’s may/december story) when they were teens mostly ended up feeling used.
Ok, but you haven’t explained why we should give the male far more punishment than the female will get for lowering a female’s social value a little bit. Causing a person to generally known as a slut is not something that sounds like something we should be incarcerating people for.
Instead the theory is about a “power dynamic” and thus it was “impossible for a teenager to consent except when they can consent with their peers or consent to commit a crime that will get them charged as an adult”. I am not quite sure how this argument holds water. Like, ok, we would consider guard’s in a woman’s prison to be committing rape because they literally hold the power of life and death (“shot while attempting to escape”) or at least the power to make things very difficult for a prisoner in a concrete way, such as witholding food.
What sort of power does a high school teacher or church leader really have in concrete terms over their teenage charges?
I mean, in this case, we are throwing this female teacher into the pokey because she “forced” a red blooded young male to have sex with her. Because what? Did she drug him? Pull a gun on him? Threaten to get him expelled from school if he didn’t have sex with her?
Instead the idea is at 15, we can’t trust him to give into his instincts. But, umm, adults who hook up at the bar or nightclub…have you met them or seen reality TV? Nightclub goers use approximately the intelligence of a small child in their quest for sex…
Usually, when contemplating the punishment for a crime, or even if it is a crime, we consider the harm done.
Is the harm (psychological) done to a 15 year old boy the same as the harm done to a 15 year old girl?
Our experience is no…the harm is not the same. If the damage done is not the same why should the punishment not follow?
I agree a power dynamic can be an issue. A (say) teacher or boss using their position to force sex adds a different dimension to the crime and absolutely should be considered. It is damaging in a whole different way.
This is one of those things that’s definitely a double standard and I think pretending it should be equal is a farce.
Yep I would have been happy to sleep with a 30 year old woman at 15,16,17 or basically any age and I do not believe it would have had any different lasting effects than the fact that I was having sex with 15-20 year old girls at 15-16.
Same time I think treating it so harshly for men is a farce too.
It’s why Ohio changed age of consent to 16 with a two year close in age exception. 16-17 your legal to be with 18-19 yr olds.
While it’s pretty despicable/pathetic for a 30yr old of any sex to be with a 15 yr old of any sex in current society does it call for serious prison time?
Idk my wife’s grandmother was 15 when she married her grandfather who was 25. I went to their 50th wedding anniversary.
That said I can’t speak to whether most girls feel they would have had some lasting effect from a sexual relationship at 15-16 that would be different based on the guys age, assuming they were having it with guys closer to their age anyhow.
Anyhow, woman on boy… Maybe some court ordered counseling i feel would be sufficient.