I got an invite for the bachelorette party yesterday and it include a teeny slip of paper that reads, “The bachelorette requests no sex toys as gifts. If anything, lingerie, size medium. Thank you!” Is that normal bachelorette party etiquette? I understand that she doesn’t want a jumbo dildo, or has enough at home or whatever. It seems a little tacky to me; a simple “No sex toys, ladies!” would have sufficed.
The Miss Manners in me is aghast, and the less uptight part of me wants to have fun with it and find the ho-iest size medium pair of underpants in the world. But seriously, tacky right?
I have never been invited to a Bachelorette party (though I have seen a few “documentaries” about what goes on between the guests after they get all “worked up” from not being around any men for a few hours ;)) but will the food and booze be paid for by the hostess?
If they are going to pay for your drinks and dinner, then giving a gift seems OK to me—However if you are paying your own way for your booze/entertainment/munchies then asking for a gift on top of that seems pretty tacky to me.
I assume that you will be going to the wedding where you will also be giving a gift, correct?
Gifts are for wedding showers, not the bachelorette party. I’ve never attended a bachelorette party wherein gifts were expected; the gift is your presence as the bride presumably paints the town red and parties with her girlfriends. It’s generally assumed that the bachelorette doesn’t pay her own way. That’s gift enough.
If the bride isn’t having a shower, or you don’t attend the shower, bring the gift to the wedding.
Specifying what kind of gifts you would like is tacky; if you don’t know the girl well enough to know that she won’t appreciate a giant dildo, then it seems odd that you’re invited.
I’m still confused by the bachelorette-party-as-wedding-shower…
I should note that I’m also annoyed by wedding invitations with registry information included in them; I guess I’m a bit old-fashioned…I think that information belongs in the wedding shower invitation–if there is one–or by good ol’ fashioned word of mouth. “Come to my wedding–this is what I want you to give me!” just strikes me as tacky…
Very tacky. And I’d say that yes, you are perfectly justified in giving the tackiest pair of panties that you can find. Something on the order of (warning: pics of tasteless panties): this or this or maybe even this.
I’ve been to a handful, and I only recall specifically one where gifts were given, but I don’t believe they were at the others. If there’s a note in the invite, however tacky, I’d say they’re “expected”, and would err on the side of caution.
In this case, it’s not the same. The wedding shower is Saturday, the bachelorette party is next Friday and the wedding is in 4 weeks. I bought a small present from the registry for the shower and will be getting a small one for the wedding. I’m not even sure I’m going to the bachelorette party. It seems like a lot of weekend days in a month for old curmudgeon me to spend with my co-worker.
Gifts aren’t expected at a bachelorette – its just a get together – but some people think it’s worth a million yuks to give sex toys as gifts in public place, usually in proportion to how little the bride-to-be wants them. While it is a breach of etiquette to mention gifts, I can understand the note. It doesn’t sound like she expect gifts, rather she is discouraging them.
By the way, answering rudeness with rudeness is the absolute height of tacky; even if I thought she was requesting gifts, which I don’t, it is twice as crass to give a retribution “gift.” If you hate the woman so much, or find the invite so offensive to your sensibilities, just don’t go.
I haven’t been to a lot of bachelorette parties, but I think novelty gifts are not unexpected. Those might be the above-mentioned sex toys, but also might be lingerie; if you don’t want to do that, you could give some of that flavored body lotion or other less scandalous item you might find in an adult shop. I agree that gifts are far from mandatory.
Just confirmed with the wifey, who’s been to 12 of these things in the last year. Very close friends (ie., people who are probably bridesmaids) might give lingerie. Otherwise, buy the condemned a drink and you’re good.
I think you’re reading too much into the note. It sounds to me like the bride is probably a bit of a prude, or maybe there will be a family member or two along and she doesn’t want to open something that in front of them. The key words are “if anything.”