Recently, an old friend (with whom I haven’t socialized in about a decade) invited me to a bridal shower in honor of her eldest son’s intended. Her eldest was in late teens the last time I saw him, and I met the future bride once, briefly, in passing, during that random encounter at a concert. So, under the circumstances, I was a little surprised to be invited to her shower, since I’m not even close enough to them to know they were still dating, let along, engaged.
I declined to the invitation from the groom’s mother with a gracious note, and asked where the couple might be registered as our family would like to send a gift to the young couple even though we wouldn’t be attending the function. The grooms mother replied, “Oh they have everything they need; We’re requesting that gifts be cash only since they’re trying to cover the cost of their wedding.”
I still find myself a little stunned that I was invited to bring cash to a party for a stranger to cover the cost of a wedding I’m not invited to. So stunned, that I’m sort of questioning if maybe it’s just me?
Every bridal shower I’ve ever attended was a small, intimate affair. Good friends and family, or sometimes a clique of co-workers… People who might not be invited to attend the actual wedding, but are well wishers, and certainly nothing that would be attended by people who wouldn’t be able to pick the bride out a photo lineup.
To be clear - my disdain is directed at my friend, not at the bride who may be totally unaware that her future m-i-l apparently invited every one she’s ever known to give “cash” gifts.
No, it is not just you. I’m stunned reading your post. Really? A friend you haven’t seen in 10 years invites you to a bridal shower for a bride you don’t know and a groom you may or may not even recognize on the street? :dubious: Audacious doesn’t begin to touch it.
That’s cheeky as hell. We don’t do showers over here, so I don’t know who’s normally invited, but telling people what gifts to give for any event - and especially demanding money - is hideously rude.
She and I have run into each other at events, now and again, but, yeah - no dinners or deliberate social interactions since her divorce from one of my best friends over a decade ago. She has acted out a lot during the divorce, often in front of her children and my own, which resulted in our family distancing ourselves. It doesn’t help that she has mental illness for which she refuses to be medicated, while that is her right, it added a whole lot of variety to what she considered “acceptable” behavior.
I will still probably send a card, and a small gift for the new couple’s home.
[QUOTE=Commander Fortune]
…invited me to a bridal shower in honor of her eldest son’s intended…I was a little surprised to be invited to her shower, since I’m not even close enough to them to know they were still dating, let along, engaged. {snip}
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I’m not obsessed with fancy/formal weddings and their affiliated pomp, but just so you know, there are many books and websites that address wedding and shower etiquette to guide both participant and attendee. Here’s a quote from one of them as an example:
Bridal Shower Etiquette and the Wedding Party Participants
It is part of the etiquette to invite the wedding party participants to the bridal shower.
There is an etiquette rule that states they should bring a gift.
As they have so many other expenses relating to the wedding it can become a financial burden to the wedding party participants.
[QUOTE=Commander Fortune]
The grooms mother replied, “Oh they have everything they need; We’re requesting that gifts be cash only since they’re trying to cover the cost of their wedding.”
[/QUOTE]
All etiquette guides state that, traditionally, the bride’s family (her father) pay for the wedding. “Modern” brides and grooms who do not follow this custom are expected to pay for their own weddings. If they cannot afford the wedding of their dreams, etiquette suggests they either scale down the event or postpone the ceremony until they have saved up enough to cover their costs.
I think it’s tacky for a betrothed couple to charge their friends to a party which they invited the friends to.
Generally speaking, whether the shower is large or small only those invited to the wedding are invited to the shower. There are exceptions- a shower organized and attended by coworkers, one organized and attended by friends in the case of a “family only” wedding, etc. But close relatives of the bride or groom aren’t supposed to be throwing the shower ( except as part of the bridal party), and I’ve never seen a shower where cash was the preferred gift. Opening gifts is the entertainment, and it’s not much fun to watch the bride-to-be opening envelopes