Slightly OT, but responding to Shirley: I think that a lot of what you have to say about internet relationships is true. However, I do think that if both people involved are cautious and not in a hurry, such relationships that start on the 'net can be very good ones. The same ability to hide character flaws (if one is not being honest, or if the situation arises) is the same ability that, again if the peole are honest, allows both sides to get to know each other through communication, without the distractions from physical proximity, and without making snap judgments about some based on what they look like.
On the old board we had several people who had met over the 'net and eventually married; the two that I can think of offhand don’t post on this board. Anyone else have such a tale to tell?
I had a feeling that line would get me in trouble. But I couldn’t think of a better way to say it at the time. That said:
In a way, you just supported what I said, even in the example you gave. If your husband believes that you will pick up men just going to the grocery store, then going to the store compromises your relationship – whether his beliefs are true or just paranoid fantasy.
See what I mean about it being hard to pin down a good way of saying it?
Melin, I do not know how things turned out with your cousin, but as a native of Rochester NY, Any move out of that god forsaken town is a good move.
BTW, IF my wife was having a romantic chat relationship, I would hit the roof. It would not be as bad as if she were sleeping with someone, but it is darn close.
I was actually responding to David’s comment: “It’s cheating if your partner thinks it’s cheating”.
Everyone has a different idea of what, exactly, constitutes cheating; therefore, it’s impossible to say if internet relationships in general are cheating. I think it depends very much on the individuals involved and THEIR definitions. Ideally, you should find out your spouse’s opinion on the subject before you get into an internet relationship. I also think that, even if neither of you believes such relationships are cheating, if you’re spending a lot of time and effort on the internet person to the detriment of your marriage, it’s cheating.
True, if my husband wouldn’t let me out of the house with his permission, there would be something clearly wrong with the guy.
I lived in Webster, NY for a couple of years. Actually, the question I got when we moved in was “Does one of your parents work for Kodak or Xerox?”(multiple choice question, not yes/no). This struck me as a step up from the rhetorical question of “Does your dad work for 3M?” (“obviously”, I moved to NY from a suburb of St. Paul, MN as a result of my Dad’s job transfer. He works for 3M, which used to have a tech center in Rochester, but no more).
Here’s another Rochester boy. I’m the reverse of Melin, Thor, and Archimedes; I moved to Rochester, not away from it. So in brief: Nice city, decent culture, good shopping and restaurants, no urban blight, and a minimum of big city problems. Admittedly the winters can be a little extreme, but I’m from the Adirondacks originally so I can handle it.
As for internet affairs; they’re not the same as physical affairs, but that doesn’t make them right. There are some relationships in which one partner honestly doesn’t care if the other is having an affair (internet or physical) but for most relationships an affair is a betrayal and it’s wrong.
“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective
Well yeah… if someone asked me if I was having sex and all I was doing was performing cunnilingus/receiving fellatio, and I was restricted to a yes/no answer, I would probably say “no,” assuming that the other person was referring to “sexual intercourse.” If I said yes, I would be implying that I was doing more than I actually was doing.
Powers
Since I wrote this question its hitting closer than I thought. My best friend wants to fly to Denver, Colorado next week to meet this guy she met in a Yahoo chat room–who supposedly works for British Airways [5,252 miles away as the crow flies]. Now I think this pretty naive even though shes over 30. She has never seen a picture of this guy [he says hes too busy to send one-ha]…so she’s gonna fly 1000 miles to meet someone she’s chatted with for a few weeks.
Safe, handy? Hell no. I would never fly to meet anyone I met online unless I was going there already. And the idea that he’s paying for everything…it just doesn’t seem right, but that’s my opinion.
The only time I met someone in person that I’d known online, we’d talked for 2 years and he was coming through where I lived. I already had a picture, and we met in a REALLY public place. Call me paranoid, but I just didn’t want to take chances…
I’ve met a bunch of people from TSD, but we’ve all been careful about it, at first, of course. Lessee, I’ve met:
Kiltgrrrrl
Andrea
Ranger Jeff
Pearl
StoryTyler
MajorMd
PUNditOK
TgerHobs (don’t think he posts on this board)
Cybersybar (he doesn’t hang here either)
Now the Ranger Man has actually spent the night at my place (carefully chaperoned, thank you!), but, as I teased him at the time, he came with references. And we had talked for nearly a year. Even then I worried about the bad example I was setting for my kids, and I talked with them about it. I certainly wouldn’t just go meet somebody without lots of other folks around and being very careful about the whole thing.
But I couldn’t think of a better way to say it at the time. That said:
