I suppose, but what isn’t really? If I say I only seek out professionals or bikini bods aren’t those preferences too?
A base level of physical attraction can mean anything though. I have dated a 300 lb goateed male biker, a thin hipster woman, a very curvy short woman, and a guy with ripped abs. Many of the people I find wildly attractive leave others scratching their heads. So , yes, I would agree that my personal physical attraction matters, but a conventional standard of physical appearance does not matter to me.
Male: I think something else, which I’ll put in a reply
Not exactly bullshit, but…
I think that there are huge obstacles to any particular person being attracted to you if you are not what they are used to or what they usually look for. In other words, someone who is wealthy who has only dated other wealthy people is going to need a lot of motivation to go out with you if you want to take them on a bus trip to McDonald’s for a first date. That’s obviously an extreme example, but people are creatures of habit and like to take the easy path, so in the gray area between those extremes, there are going to be issues still.
So with that in mind I think the concept of “leagues” is the result of lazy or faulty thinking. Yes, there’s plenty of people that are unavaible for you to date, realistically, but it’s not because you are in some caste that they find untouchable. In some ways it strikes me as similar to nice guy-ism because it puts blame on another person for not being attracted to you or is presumptuous. Well, if only I was super hot she’d be into me. If only I was rich. Maybe if you were rich and hot you’d still be boring and she wouldn’t give you the time of day. You really don’t know.
I think leagues are somewhat bullshit, because beauty is so subjective that people wouldn’t be able to agree on what leagues that other people are in.
For example, Benedict Cumberbatch and Miley Cyrus are two people that vary in how attractive other people perceive them as. Some people see Cumberbatch as an absolute 10, the height of sexiness. Some people think he’s weird looking and wonder that anyone could be attracted to him. Jane Doe might be afraid to go talk to him because he’s out of her league, and her friend Sally Smith might think she’s crazy because he’s totally below Jane’s league.
Both Cumberbatch and Cyrus are rich and famous which adds to their unattainablity, but the same holds in an alternate timeline where they look the same but are not famous. Some people would rate them closer to 10, and some people would rate them closer to 5.
Physical attraction is important in a relationship, but it can be hard to predict, and it’s not the only thing that matters.
But what is the purpose of defining leagues like this, since they obviously don’t have insurmountable boundaries?
Also, I’m curious about what the person you’re with thinks of leagues. Does this person think that you two are in the same league? Does the person think that they are leagues above you but doesn’t care? Does this person usually only date people in the same league, but decided to take a chance on you? I’m not saying you should ask, because that might be awkward, but I’m curious.
I think categorizing people into leagues puts two people on uneven ground. It’s like the person in a higher league is doing a favor for the person in a lower league. I think it’s better for both to realize that both people have things that are attractive and unattractive about them, and figuring out if the things they find attractive match up nicely with the partner.
Leagues exist only is as much as we think they do; I voted no. There are people that someone has a chance with, and people one doesn’t, sure, but the implications are that it’s because someone is too attractive or too wealthy or whatever. But overwhelmingly, when a guy says “she’s out of my league” it’s generally just another way of a guy making himself feel better when he’s turned down or doesn’t put in the effort in the first place.
But when you look at it as each person is an individual, then you’ll realize that it’s just crap. I’ve dated women that I thought were more physically attractive than I am, I’ve also dated women that I thought were less attractive than me. Similarly, I’ve had no zero interest in women that were particularly beautiful, not because she was out of my league, but because of other factors–God forbid a beautiful person has an awful personality.
Certainly, there are people who look at society in classes, wealthy people who refuse to associate with poor or middle class people. But that’s not so much a wealth thing as a perspective. Hell, I’ve known non-wealthy people, even poor people, who only seemed interested in dating wealthy people.
The worst part, though, is if someone thinks another person is out of his or her league and then somehow they do end up dating. Often that ends up with the relationship being uneven from the getgo, one person putting the other on a pedestal or looking down on the other.
So, yeah, it’s crap. I’m attracted to who I’m attracted to, and if I’m rejected it’s for whatever her reasons were, and not becasue she was too beautiful or wealthy or whatever.
If it matters to a lot of people, even if you don’t think it should, then leagues do exist. Whether or not they ought to wasn’t the question.
But yes, they do exist. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who end up with people who are at opposite ends of the attractiveness scale as them, but it’s rare.
We haven’t talked specifically in terms of leagues, but we both agree that he is far more physically attractive than I am. I’m also not usually the kind of guy he would go for, but, he kinda fell for me and can’t really explain why. For the first few days he was very confused as to why he liked me so much, and was so attracted to me, even though he never really thinks of guys of my type as being attractive at all, whatsoever.
But to satisfy your curiosity, I will talk to him specifically about the idea of leagues. I will ask him if he thinks he’s out of my league (I can almost assuredly tell you now that he’s not going to think that or admit to thinking it anyway), and such.
But yes there are leagues, and like someone said, every once in a while someone breaks through and gets to date someone out of their league, but it ain’t common. They aren’t absolutes.
I also agree that looks aren’t the only thing that define league. Social status, economic status, personality, intelligence, all of that goes together to make up someone’s league. I would say it is /heavily/ weighted toward looks though, for me personally. I think everybody has their own ideas on how to calculate someone’s league. To someone else, their money or their social status might be more important, and make that person more unobtainable to them.
That being said, I don’t take them too seriously. I was the one who kind of pushed for things to happen between me and the guy I’m seeing now, even though I thought and still do think he’s out of my league. I don’t let it discourage me, or blame any dating failures or rejections on the idea that someone was out of my league and it wasn’t really my fault.
I remember seeing an experiment done on Discovery (or something of the like.)
They had a group of people on an ice rink. On the back of each person was a number ranging from 1 to 10. Nobody in the group knew what their own personal number was.
They were told to skate around the rink and look for the highest number you could find. When you found a person with a high number, you could ask that person if they wanted to pair with you. The person you were asking could accept or decline after looking at the number on YOUR back.
At no point are you allowed to tell the other person what number they have.
In the experiment, it turns out the 10s bonded with the 10s and the 9s bonded with the 9s and so on…
That is very interesting indeed. Makes sense, though. Everybody is looking for the highest number. The 10s get asked for hookups by everybody, but don’t say yes unless the person asking is a 10, because even though they don’t know their own number, hey, they still want a 10. After the 10’s have paired off, everybody will eventually settle for lower and lower number, from 9 through 1…
So… if you’re a 1, you’ll get stuck with another 1, *and *you’ll spend your whole life faffing around before actually finding another partner. Triple whammy.
Personally, I’m gaming the system by using the Richard Hammond tactic: “Go ugly early”. You’re a 5? Or a 4? Eh, it’ll do. Then we’ll go home and do the deed while everyone else in the bar spend the rest of the night on a futile chase for Prince/Princess Charming.
(Please note that the above reference to Richard Hammond is a quote from an episode of Top Gear, and in no way meant as a comment on the attractiveness or otherwise of Mr. Hammond’s wife.)
I think it’s sort of relative; if you’re short, ugly and socially awkward, it’s unlikely that you’ll score a supermodel.
But, absent that perfect storm of unfortunate traits, I think most of it is situational.
I mean, I’m a reasonably good looking guy, but not movie star handsome, and I’m reasonably tall(6’1"), but back when I was single, I weighed between 230 and 250 lbs. In other words, I was far from being ripped, and generally a pretty doughy guy.
Despite this, I had the opportunities to date 2 of the most gorgeous women I’ve actually met in real life- one had(has?) a figure that literally looks like it was drawn by a comic book artist (literally had a Jessica Rabbit figure), and she’s very pretty, and the other, better looking girl has a great figure, if not quite so curvy. They’re both smart and competent- one is a pretty skilled professional photographer, and the other is VP of Marketing for a well known transportation company- household name, even.
I didn’t capitalize on either opportunity because I thought they were out of my league, when in fact, I was not at all- I was apparently making up for whatever I lacked in physical attractiveness with personality and charm. Looking back though, it is pretty obvious that I flubbed my chances horribly.
I suspect that there’s no hard and fast rules; people are out of your league as much because you put them there, as because they put you there.
This is an earlier topic on this forum: 3 important qualities that you seek in your partner?Many listed cheerfulness, helpfulness etc.
Only a few people listed very attractive looks and figure there. Yet when we find someone of very attractive looks and figure, many of us feel they are ‘out of our league’.
