You’ve all heard the expression ‘she/he is out of my league’; meaning that the individual in question is quite unattainable for romantic purposes.
Do you give any credence to this idea (also expressed in the attractiveness scale; the implication that someone who is a 5 has no hope with a 10)?
Separated poll into gender; also gave a third option if your opinion is more nuanced than the binary yay/nay.
A person who spends a whole lot of effort on his/her appearance will likely only date pretty people. A person who wears expensive clothes and drives an expensive car will likely only date rich people.
The older I get, the less fussy women seem to get about looks, but the more fussy they seem to get about economics.
Leagues are bullshit. I measure attractiveness in fathoms.
That will depend a lot on why they do it: is it because they enjoy it, or for professional reasons? If you see my banker during the week, she’s perfectly made-up, wears classy professional clothing and pumps, could have stepped out of an ad in a business mag. See her during the weekend, she’s highly likely to be wearing jeans, a too-big T-shirt, walking shoes and a backpack while herding a bunch of kids up a mountain. Many people wouldn’t even think those two women are related.
Apparently while I was in college the guys back home assumed I had a bf at college, while the guys at college assumed I had a bf back home. Do you know how many guys never asked me out because they thought I was “unreachable”? Apparently a couple of dozens, and I liked most of them! It’s been almost 20 years since I found out and I still haven’t decided whether I want to kill them or just yell at them till their ears bleed… of course by the time I found out, all the ones I know about were already engaged to other women. Damnit.
Oh hells yes, leagues exist. They are defined as much by economic status or social groupings as by looks or attractiveness. True, they may be superficial–once you get past the outer appearances, there’s always a chance that two souls may connect–but it’s getting past the superficiality that’s difficult.
I mean, rich single yacht-owners in their forties may be out of my league, but is that because I’m a mature student, or because I’m a land-lubber who has very little to do with the water, or because I’m broke, or because I’m, how shall we say, ‘not conventionally attractive’? Just never travelling in the same circles will do it. Any one of those factors results in a league-separation.
I voted no. I’ve seen too many hot girls with pretty unattractive males (at least this straight guy doesn’t see what they have to offer). Personal experience: in college I worked with a girl that was very attractive. I thought I had no chance with her so never took a shot at her. Now I’m quite certain that not only could I have gone out with her, she likely had a thing for me. Oh, the sex I could have had…
No such thing. Women judge men on many characteristics and attractiveness is just one of them. Lots of women (including Julia Roberts) think that Lyle Lovett is a very attractive guy, even though he’s a long way from handsome.
Not everyone in the world is so superficial that they judge solely on appearances.
I think it’s pretty clear those things exist. Do you have a chance of dating someone out of your league? Sure - every so often a division II team beats at division I team in college football too. But realisticaly, that’s a rare proposition.
And I agree with others that a league is not merely based on physical attractiveness. Socioeconomic status, education, etc, play a huge role as well.
I’m going to take some time to link to the somewhat tongue in cheek Ladder Theory.
Yup, even if they’re only based on perception, they’re still there.
I know women who are out of my league. I’ve been told point blank by women that they were out of my league, even if I didn’t originally think that. At this point, I’m pretty sure there are non-humans out of my league.
Hopefully, 20 years later, we’re now in a world where women are more likely to ask the guys they like out themselves, rather than sit around and wait for them.
I voted that they do exist, but I wasn’t at all limiting it to appearance. That’s just one aspect of “league.” I consider social class, wealth, power, education, etc., to be part of the “league” as well. And what’s in your league is somewhat fluid (you can move up and down your leagues) and can vary from place to place.
To state the obvious: Men don’t mind dating “down” in terms of socioeconomic status, but women are much, much less likely to do so, preferring to date “up”.
As others have said, this becomes more important as you get older. At this point in my life (mid-thirties), it’s the women who are better educated or make more money than me who are out of my league. When I was 19, it was all about looks.
I don’t know how sound any of this really is, but it looks like people have been interested in looking at the idea of leaguesfor quite some time. I don’t really like the idea of leagues, but in a way I can see how in some ways it matters. Physical appearance has nothing to do with it for me, but hygiene does. Someone can be handsome or beautiful in a conventional way, but if they have dirty fingernails or teeth then no. By the same token, job doesn’t matter, but a good work ethic matters to me.
These are more your personal dating preferences, though. Not really the same thing.
I’d say it mostly BS because education, money or looks shouldn’t matter that much if nature of 2 people is compatible or mutually attractive. We do not say “out of the league” if our nature is incompatible with someone.
I am a male btw.
Education: The diploma itself might not matter but intelligence, curiosity, and intellectual interests all fall under the facile “education” umbrella. If you enjoy making allusions and esoteric references that she doesn’t get, she’s going to think that you’re being “snobbish”.
Money: Often cited as the number 1 cause of divorce. A family friend is going through a separation right now because she married out of love and as it turns out, though handsome, congenial, and loving, the husband has terrible credit and can’t hold down a job that allows them to enjoy a comfortable suburban lifestyle. The house (under her name only) is being foreclosed on and their college-bound son is facing severe financial limitations to his choice of schools.
Looks: Come off it. As humans, we’re shallow. This isn’t to say that we have to only date supermodels but there has to be a base level of physical attraction in order to make a relationship work. Looks may not be the most important, but to pretend it doesn’t even factor is being disingenuous. At the very least misrepresentative.
I think leagues exist. It doesn’t necessarily exist as a tiered construct, but there are definite sets of people that fit a person’s dating profile and sets of people that do not. So the difference in leagues isn’t so much AA vs AAA ball but closer to American league vs National.
I said it shouldn’t matter much, didn’t say it doesn’t matter in real life.
If find someone of likeable nature, I do not look for degree/IQ-comtability and money for sure. Physical attraction does matter I guess but I try to consciously minimize that aspect as much as possible, so that doesn’t matter much as well.
If the other person puts too much importance at these, then thats their problem and even I wouldn’t be so much attracted to such a person and would hope that they get their perspective right in life.
“Shouldn’t” by whose standards?
Would you say that this hypothetical person wouldn’t be in the same “league” as you?
Shouldn’t matter by everyone’s standards ideally. But does matter to many people, at the same time there are people to whom it doesn’t matter.