If you were told that you should stick to women who are in your “league”, would you just ignore them and go after what you desire?
I feel that some people would rather stick to women/men within their own “league” just because they were told that they would never have a chance with more attractive women/men. However, other people may resist by turning the tables and going after what they want, instead of doing what society expects them to do, which is to do things that pertain to them, instead of being different.
Overall, there’s no reason to limit yourself when it comes to dating. Everyone’s different, which means that you can date whoever you like. And not to be rude, but if an “unattractive” person can attract someone, then we really shouldn’t worry about our chances, right?
I mean, there’s nothing wrong with asking people who are ‘out of your league’ out if you get the chance, but don’t think you’re entitled to date them or expect to only date people like that. Chances are if you do, you’ll be disappointed, unless you’re in that league too.
Now that I’m old and out of the game I can look back and wonder, "What exactly does “out of your league” mean? Any definition I can come up with seems to point at people who are interested in things and lifestyles that do not interest me. Yes, Anniston is pretty and that can get her past most guys’ initial defenses, but what else about her? Maybe once you let her in she’s a total boor and demonstrates YOU are out of HER league. The Missus and I were, arguably, out of each other’s league but we seem to complement each other perfectly.
There are no “leagues,” and if there were, people are a dreadful judge of their own worthiness. If you want to date someone, ask them out. If they say yes, enjoy yourself and see what happens. If they say no, get out of their face and find someone else to ask out. If you really want to move up in “league,” well, engage in some self-improvement.
Yet you seem to consistantly enjoy bringing up scenarios right here on the good ol’ Sraight Dope where you are always hooking up with other women, right?
If I were afraid to ask out women who were out of my league, I would never have gotten married.
Ask out anyone you find interesting. If they say No, ask the next one. Although “I was almost afraid to approach you because you are so gorgeous but I thought I would take a chance” is a line that has been used with success. You have to have a follow-up, of course, but that’s true no matter what.
Regards,
Shodan
The OP is using a non-standard definition of taboo. It’s never been against societal rules to date people more/less attractive than you, just unusual. If TV sitcoms are anything to go by, it’s pretty much mandatory.
in my experience, when people are told to stick to women ( or men) who are in their own league, it’s not meant to imply that dating “out of your league” is taboo. It’s meant to encourage a more realistic attitude.
The people I've seen it said to are those who are maybe a 5 who are *only* interested in 10s , complain that they are alone and when you say "so and so is interesting/fun , why don't you ask her out?" Mr 5 then says "She's not pretty enough". Now, looks aren't everything, but I've noticed that the men I've known in this situation, the 5s who want to date 10s ,don't really have anything going for them. They're "meh" all the way around. They aren't really funny or interesting or successful or anything. And the reality is that although a 10 in looks might date a 5 in looks, that 5 is probably a 9 or 10 in some other area.
Does the league include age? Because I’m dating a guy that is much younger than I am. Admittedly, I think he’s far more attractive than I am, but he sees something in me too.
Don’t worry about leagues. If it works, it works. Don’t be creepy if it doesn’t.
Dating is a mutual interaction. You can’t just go out and date whoever you want. You have to date people who are willing to date you.
So it’s not taboo to date people who are “out of your league”. It’s just practical advice. The reason you should ask people out who are in your own eligibility range is because they’re a lot more likely to say yes.
This, as i understand it, is at the core of the incel movement – guys who believe that they got the short end of the genetic stick (particularly on physical appearance), and are thus doomed to unhappiness because they cannot possibly achieve a relationship with the most attractive women (and a relationship with someone “in their league” isn’t worth it).
