I recently watched the movie “She’s out of my league”. For those of you who haven’t seen it the plot involves the male protagonist (a self-proclaimed “5”) fortuitously dating a widely acknowledged female “10” to his (and everyone else’s) bewilderment. Although I don’t recall offhand a time when I experienced this phenomenon myself (i.e. dating someone “out of my league”) I’m sure that there were people I instinctively culled out of the group I considered dateable because of the perception that they were indeed “out of my league”. I can’t, at the moment, remember any one specific person but perhaps that can be forgiven due to the fact that I haven’t dated in a very long time. Nevertheless this got me curious about the real life phenomenon and I thought I’d toss out a few questions.
Have you (assembled Dopers) ever dated anyone that was “out of your league”? If so, how were they out of your league? Additionally, how did you land him/her? Or for those of you who have never experienced this a separate but related question. Is there a person you didn’t pursue because you considered them “out of your league”? Why were they out of your league? What where they like? etc.
Not so much “out of my league” as “playing a different sport”. There were a few incredibly hot women that were used to getting any guy they wanted. Of course, what they call “getting”, I call “sinking their vampiric teeth into and bleeding dry”. Crazy, the lot o’ them. No thank you. But that raises the question- are they too good for me, or am I too good for them?
That leaves the decently-behaved hotties. Those tend to be married/attached. That puts them out of my league. Other than that, there’s not much that can put a woman out of my league, whether that’s above or below me.
Overall, I’d have to say that of all the women I’ve pursued in my lifetime, the only uniting factor of why they weren’t interested was because they were already in a relationship. For all the others, it’s been a scatter-shot of reasons ranging from geography to hobbies to senses of humor.
Just remembered one girl who may have qualified for my original post. I didn’t view her as “out of my league” but my friends seemed to think so. She was the captain of the cheerleading squad. You might be wondering how I’d forgotten about her but the truth is that our dates (only two) were pretty unmemorable. Despite being very attractive (long brown hair, athletic build, etc.) and widely considered to be one of the popular kids she was surprisingly shy. I don’t actually remember her saying anything. Although come to think of it, that might be more an example of my lack of listening skills/inattentiveness.
The closest I came was with a guy (I’m gay obviously) and he made $110,000 more a year than I did. What a disaster. It wouldn’t have been so bad, except he was CHEAP.
He just had no idea that not everyone has a lot of money.
“Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.” --Dumb and Dumber
I don’t consider myself particularly attractive, maybe a 5, so it’s easy to find someone above my league (in looks or riches or confidence).
In general, I haven’t put much effort into dating above my league. However… There was this one time in high school I did ask someone out who was far above me. I may have mentioned this one woman before on the boards: she was my crush all through the later parts of high school. She was smart, got straight A’s, and she was a cheerleader. Anyways, one time in grade 12 or 13, I planned a get-together at my place and invited her along with others. They all said yes. The others all cancelled, and I knew she wouldn’t want to be there alone with me …so I cancelled the event.
I happen to have extraordinarily great taste in men, so I’ve never dated anyone who wasn’t out of my league. I am a mere 2 or 3 at best, and my partner is a perfect 10 (not just my opinion; ***everybody ***considers him a 10). My ex was also a 10 . . . but I must admit, before I met him I spent a lot of time alone.
In the sense of age difference, yes. I was 40, she was 24, fit and attractive. We carried on a flaming relationship for several months. Maybe she had a father fixation.
I was a scraggly 28-year-old living on my buddy’s couch, spending all my time and money partying. She was an 18-year-old hottie with the world in front of her.
She was way, way out of my league then, and although the situations have certainly changed, 14 years later she’s still way out of my league. I’m sure as hell not going to be the one to tell her that, though.
Arguably, once for a short time. She was a love at first sight thing- I think I’ve talked about it on the board before. But she really was on the surface way out of my league. It ended poorly.
Nowadays- My fiance’ and I compliment each other perfectly.
My wife is well above my pay grade, in terms of both looks and brains. She was especially smoking 20 years ago. When I first started dating her, even my mom was like, “you’re dating HER? Why would she go out with YOU?”
I wonder whether these perceived ‘leagues’ are a guy thing… a combination of looks and social skills/achivements. Maybe women don’t look at things the same way?
Women don’t do the pursuing. They just accept/reject advances. So if a guy approaches you, and you accept, then you must be peers. If a 5 man gets a 10 woman, he says “She was way outta my league.” If a 5 woman gets a 10 man, she says “I’m a 10.”
Ahem. Woman here, and many of the guys I’ve dated were out of my league - above me, that is. Some of them I pursued, some (inexplicably) pursued me. Some broke up with me, some I broke up with. But I never thought “he’s awesome, therefore I must also be awesome.” I was always well aware (sometimes painfully so) of the disparity.
Also, when I first started dating, I thought I was basically bottom of the barrel. I dated some jerks and losers, thinking I was lucky to have them. Over time, I realized that I was probably selling myself short - and even if I wasn’t, these guys sucked, and it would be better not to date at all than go out with them.
My husband is waaaaaaay out of my league. He’s incredibly hot, smart, funny, talented, compassionate - the works. He could be with any number of women who are hotter, smarter, funnier, everything-ier than me. I have no idea why he let himself get stuck with me, and I’m just hoping he never changes his mind.
