Agreed. Out of the OP, there are only two lines about this guy’s mind/heart, and the rest are about physical appearance or $.
My list:
Must have job
Must not live with mother/grandmother
Must have own car
Must have own apartment or at least not be crashing on couches
High criteria, I know, but hey, I’m a picky girl. hee hee
Among second/third generation Asians, quite high, in fact. Even among first generation recent immigrants. Heights have been trending upwards in recent years among Asians.
In fact, based on observation in jeevgurl’s heavily Latino neighborhood, your odds of finding a Latino male over 6’ are about equal to finding an Asian male over 6’. No statistical evidence or anything to back it up, but I’m 5’8", and it seems like I’m as tall or taller than most of the Latinos in that part of Chicago.
msmith537, a hijack, but I must ask, what is Jersey Shore hair? My cousin lives on the Jersey shore, and all of her friends had quite lovely, well-kept hair. Or is this some reference I’m missing out on?
I’d like to suggest that you try meeting people in online matchups. That way, until you get to the photograph/personal meeting phase, you will have a chance to get to know someone without knowing if they meet your physical criteria or not. It sort of clarifies what’s really likeable/loveable in a person to get to know them this way before all the “6-foot, 200#, black hair/brown eyes” crapola gets in the way.
I met my now-hubby online and I remember how surprised I was, after three weeks of writing letters to each other, to find that he was balding, had little facial hair (which I love), and a big nose. In addition, he has a physical handicap due to spinal cord injury. Those things would never have gotten past any list I might have made.
What I got instead was a terrific husband, always trying his hardest to please me without sacrificing who he really is. His disability has made him one of the most courageous men I know. His appearance means absolutely nothing to me beyond being the face and body of the man I love.
Yes, I think your dating criteria are unreasonable, if your objective is to find someone who will love you and whom you can love. You’re ruling out waaaaay too many good possibilities by focusing even a little bit on that stuff. Be honest: isn’t all that physical stuff only for the initial phase? You don’t really care in the long run how good-looking he is, you want a man who loves, honors, and respects you. Sexual attraction, for most women, is a result of emotional well-being. Long-term, anyway.
Keep to your guidelines but go out with a lot of men who only partially fit …maybe he’ll learn to like cats and remember timeliness is important to you. Maybe you’ll forgive him his light-colored hair or come to find his skin appealing, even if it’s not white or Hispanic.
Just for kicks, I decided to throw some numbers in here for the ones I could, painstakingly researched (Hey, it’s hard to get all of these out of my ass! [sorry, sorry]):
90% --Straight male
70% --white or Latino
20% --Between 25-40
40% --Over 6’
20% --under 200# (flexible by a few inches/pounds, but I like 'em lanky)
70% --Dark hair (generally, but not always) of no particular style, but I wouldn’t want to date a guy who spends more time on his hair than I spend on mine. I can deal with anything from a crewcut to long hair as long as it’s clean and not too styled up.
40% --Must like cats (does not need to have any)
20% --Must be single (not dating someone else, preferably no kids, not hung up on some ex)
70% --Should make over $30,000/year, but this is somewhat negotiable. I just don’t want to have to pay for everything.
80% --Non-smoker, social drinker only
And I came up with 0.03% This is perposterously inaccurate, for many many reasons, but kind of fun.
I think you’re the only one who can tell if you’re being reasonable or not. Two questions that I ask myself, being in a similar position, are 1) How long am I willing to look? 2) How much do I have to offer?
Good luck,
Hal
The only one of your criteria that I find a little objectionable is the “white or Latino” one. Why wouldn’t you date a black guy?
Otherwise, in general, I don’t think having this kind of list is intrinsically a bad idea… it’s good to know what you want from a partner, but it’s also good to be able to throw the list away if you fall for someone who isn’t exactly what you want.
Just needed to add a comment re: short guys. I’m pretty tall and have only dated a few guys over 6’ (mr cowgirl is just below) and I gotta tell you: men who are quite a bit shorter than you have a few things to offer that tall men don’t … if you know what I mean. You know, angles, access … I knew a woman who preferred short guys exactly for that reason.
Certainly worth trying, anyway. Don’t write off the short guys too quickly!
This sort of reminds of of when I was looking for my first horse ot buy. I had all these criteria: I wanted a black or bay, small, gelding. Not too young, not too old. I’d heard how “marey” mares are, tempermental when they’re in heat, etc. I wanted small because I’m only 5’1" and I’d always ridden smallish horses, large ponies. Bay or black just because I thought they’re the prettiest. I ended up with a 16.2 hh (5’6" at the shoulder) white mare. Exactly opposite of what I thought I needed and the perfect horse for me.
Maybe one can’t help but have an “ideal” for their perfect mate, but you can be so busy looking at those in the “ideal” catagorey that you might miss the right person for you.
As for my ideal husband? Straight. Faithful. Kind. Not allergic to animals. Catholic would be a big plus, since that’s a big part of my life. I happen to find many Hispanics and Asians attractive, but real attractiveness lies in their mind and heart.
StG
Maybe she’s just not attracted to Black men? It happens, and I don’t think it’s any worse than not being attracted to, say, people with straight hair or freckles. No matter how many people may rail against it, physical attraction is real and important. You generally can’t see someone’s great personality from across the room.
You know what’s funny? You will marry someone nothing like this. That is how life works. Looks good on paper = too good to be true.
How about a short, fat, sixty-something old guy who has more money than God, is extremely good in bed, is madly in love with you and isn’t expected to live much longer? Just asking, mind you, since only two of those criteria apply to me and I’m happily married anyway.
Since you wanted to know if you are really too pick or not lets do a test. I’ll post my specs along with your criteria as truthfully as my resume 
and lets see if we cannot negotiate. Remeber just for fun.
**
–Straight male, white or Latino
**
I am soo straight I’m dang near homophobic. Not white or latino tho. Filipino.
**
–Between 25-40
**
Just past the age limit. I am 45.
**
–Over 6’, under 200# (flexible by a few inches/pounds, but I like 'em lanky)
**
I am 5’10" 165 lbs very fit and healthy. I do martial arts and try to regularly go to the gym.
**
–Dark hair (generally, but not always) of no particular style, but I wouldn’t want to date a guy who spends more time on his hair than I spend on mine. I can deal with anything from a crewcut to long hair as long as it’s clean and not too styled up.
**
Dark short easily manageable hair. Have some greys but Ive started having grey hairs since I was sixteen. The color doesnt bother me. Better grey than bald.
**
–Must have a good, strong chin and nose
**
Superman type huh? sorry not even close to those aryan features.
**
–Must like cats (does not need to have any)
**
I can take them or leave them. I dont hate them much so long as they stay on their side of the litterbox.
**
–Must be single (not dating someone else, preferably no kids, not hung up on some ex)**
I do have kids and I love them. Not hung up with my ex. we’re friends but we hardly talk. Shes too busy.
**
–Should make over $30,000/year, but this is somewhat negotiable. I just don’t want to have to pay for everything.
**
almost making twice that.
**
–Non-smoker, social drinker only**
I like to smoke cigars on very rare occasions. I can drink socially, privately, in between. Never ever got out of control drunk. I am a happy person when enibriated.
**
–Pretty liberal (ie, not homophobic, racist, jingoistic, sexist, a big Dubya fan, etc.)**
I like Dubya but i wouldnt say I was a blindly loyal fan. He has his faults and some of his views are contrary to mine like abortion, religion and social reform.
**
–Has a college degree; or, at least is very much smart enough to hold his own in serious, intelligent discussions about books, film, politics, and life in general**
I post here dont I? Got a degree in computer science. I am a Star Trek fan. Best thing you can say about that is I can fix things around the house, I can cook, electronics and computers are my slaves and RTFM does not come into my lingo. I discuss things from time travel to creation, general theories of relativity to grilled steak recipes and BBQ tips.
**
–Practices good hygiene and at least appears to have all his teeth**
I dont have all of my teeth. Lost one in a fight. …you shoulda seen the other guy! I like to be clean and fresh.
**
–Is timely (shows up when he says he will, calls when he says he will, remembers birthdays and national holidays)
**
Sorry, more spontaneous and relaxed. I am responsible so I will not keep anyone waiting without a good excuse. Not anally punctual tho. As a creative person, I feel time tables are for rule keepers and bean counters. If you feel stressed for being 10 minutes late to dinner, you need to mellow.
**
–Won’t give me a hard time about being a vegetarian (it’d be nice if he were one, but I’m not going to push my luck)
**
I love meat! Atkins works. If it Moooves, I’ll eat it. You can have all the veggies you want, give me my meat!
… I make a mean twice baked potato! Sour cream, butter, chives, parmesean cheese with melted cheddar and jack on top in a deep fried potato skin.
What ya think?
I’m sure your ideal man does exist… but what makes you think he wants to be with you?
The fact that you are asking us if your criteria is tooo picky, suggests that you are single. That, in it’s own right, should give you your answer.
I think these are the only ones that are picky, though I wouldn’t say unreasonable. Unless you are really tall, why do you NEED them to be 6’+?
Strong chin and nose? Comon, talk about nit-picking. You are great Bob, you meet all my criteria, tall, good looking, great hygene, you love cats, are a blast to be around, make 50k a year and have stock options, but your chin and nose are not sharp enough. Close, but no cigar. There are more women out there for you, don’t cry.
Same thing for the dark hair.
Urban Ranger: Before you call me shallow about not having emotional criteria on here, I specifically stated that I was only listing tangible qualities, and not delving into emotional/psychological realms. Those are much harder to quantify. And only one criteria related to $$$.
Sappho, is it objectionable to you that I only find white or Latino men attractive? Why? I like what I like. This is not to say that I don’t find some black men attractive, sure I do, but they’re not my general type.
The reason there are so many physical characteristics on the list is b/c those are the easiest to quantify. Age, height, build, coloring, they’re right out there. Basically, a lanky man born before 1980 or after 1960 is fine. I think a lot of people doth protest too much when they say they don’t care about looks. Everyone cares about looks. If you don’t think someone’s hot, how can you expect to have a thriving sexual relationship with him? I think sex is one of several very important components in a relationship; if it doesn’t work, the relationship will be in trouble.
Only 40% of men can stand cats? Really?
Well, “stand” is different than “like”. I interperted the latter as, “enjoy the cat enough to clean the litterbox.” Stand, I’d guess about 80%.
I understand where you’re coming from on physical attractiveness. It’s not a popular opinion around here, but I think it’s a valid one. Again, good luck.
Hal
It’s not that any of your criteria are that unreasonable, in and of themselves. It’s just that there’s so damn many.
Almost everyone i’ve met, male or female, who makes lists like this about potential partners has been waaaaaaaaaay too high maintenance. It’s not so much the list itself, as the fact that you feel the need to make one.
Good luck with your accounting project…err, dating.
My husband will never be a supermodel, but I find him very attractive – because of what he means to me. His face belongs to the person who loves me best, and the person I love the most. I didn’t start dating him because he fit some physical qualification, but because he was an interesting person. In fact, we laugh about the awful clothes and ugly glasses he had when we met – he wasn’t exactly trying to sell himself. But I “saw” something in his personality worth pursuing. And a lot of chicks missed out on a GREAT guy because he didn’t fit their “specs.”
Do I think he’s “hot”? Frankly, no, not on his looks or body alone. And I know I’m no prize either in the bod department. But the sex is great because it’s something we’ve explored together, and we each know and care about what the other likes. We enjoy each other’s bodies because they belong to our favorite person.
And again, what is going to happen in your long-term relationship if/when sex disappears? If one of you is injured or ill, or when you get too old to do EVERYTHING? When you have kids and you’re just too damn tired? A thriving sexual relationship is not all about humping like bunnies.
Sure it’s “easy” to specify Mr. Dream Man based on his physical specs, but if you’re going to require them as part of the package, or disqualify candidates who don’t have them, you might as well just make yourself a paper doll.