I think you already hit the nail on the head
The only thing I think about your list is that it’s limiting your chance to meet someone who jazzes you. If I were single again, I’d date pretty indiscriminately (at least first dates) and play it by ear from there.
I’m saying this as someone who for years wanted blonde, athletic, cat person, Type A and ended up happily married for years now to brunette, busty, dog person, Type B… But she definitely “jazzed” me (and still does so).
Afterthought: the one thing that may be a “do not date” (at least it would be for me) is the political outlook. I have NEVER met a long-term happily married couple that weren’t in the same ballpark on political issues… i.e. never met a raving conservative who’d been happily with a raving liberal for years on end… Plenty of folks I know are happy with moderate differentials (i.e. middle-left paired with moderate-right), but I simply don’t know any anti-abortion activists happily with right-to-lifers, for instance.
YMMV, of course. That’s just, perhaps MY “deal breaker” area.
Hijack: DrLizardo, I love your name. I’ve the book a few hundred times. How’s Bob?
Rubystreak: I understand the physical criteria. I am not my wife’s type, and it does hurt to know it. (Sure, here I am tall, blue, and lanky, and I fell in love with a woman who likes them shorter, powerful, and dark.) On the other hand, she loves me, and with women, at least, that mostly makes up for it. I say mostly, because like a vast majority of relationships, love waxes and wanes. (Sometimes it just wanes, hence the 50% divorce rate.) It would be handy to really turn her on, so that even when she doesn’t feel that fond of me, she still was all over me, but …
None of your criteria in an of themselves are unreasonable. But the .03 % calculation is telling - the gestalt limits things greatly (Not that all are correct- there is no way 40% of whites and latinos are over 6 foot, and sorry, but it is not true that only 90% of guys are straight.)
From some of your other posts, I know you have more criteria though. From there, you seem big on punctuality, and a few other characteristics. Plus, I’m thinking that you would find a 6’ 6" guy in a wheel chair less desirable than a 5’ 11" Italian Stallion.
Me, I had five criteria:
My last BF was tall, lanky, made an OK living, liked cats, etc. He fell well within my criteria. I thought he was hot, but he had a little lisp, a gap between his front teeth, very weird hair, stick-like legs. What I’m saying is, I’m not going for Mr. America here. However, I am being realistic with myself. I like guys who have a certain build. I don’t want to date someone much older or younger. Hair color is incredibly negotiable but I do tend towards the brunettes. I was merely stating a preference. Sue me.
As for the nose and chin, what can I say? Guys whose chins are part of their necks do not do it for me, just as some guys don’t dig flat-chested girls or whatever. Conversely, a huge, beak-like proboscis (ala Adrien Brody) is A-OK to me, whereas other women might not like a mighty schnozz. It’s a taste thing; everyone has their own taste, though imagine my shock in discovering that not everyone will admit it.
I really only made the list as a mental exercise. I wanted to see what I could put down on paper. Don’t think I’ve been walking around with this list for years, checking off qualities. It’s an attempt to quantify the unquantifiable: human attraction. I went over past SOs, looked for patterns, thought about what made me go for them. Most people never think about what their internal criteria are; they let it all remain on an unconscious level. I don’t believe for a SECOND that anyone just dates people indiscriminately; we all have our preferences. I wanted to think about mine consciously, to see if I was restricting myself excessively. Perhaps I am, but now that I’m aware of it, I can consider it more purposefully. It was a self-improvement exercise. Perhaps it was a bad idea, but then again, it was interesting for me to see how well I could articulate it.
Oh, and slowmindthinking: I was raised by Italians, so I might take the guy in the wheelchair over the Stallion. Seriously.
Not sure about that .3% thing either. I have never had trouble finding guys who met 80-90% of my criteria. The punctuality issue comes from my last SO, who was NEVER on time and it drove me insane so that I won’t put up with it again.
What other conditions do you think I have, from my other posts? Keep in mind that this list was deliberately limited to empirical characteristics, not abstractions.
slowmindthinking, you eerily correct on all… BUT you are WAY off on #3. I don’t have a cell phone and don’t plan to get one. Hell, I didn’t get a CD player until about 5 years ago. I am very NON materialistic (my computer is elderly, my car is 10+ years old, I buy my clothes and scads of shoes secondhand quite often), but I did get a little tired helping my last SO pay his bills during his job transition. I don’t want to support anyone else unless we’re married.
Seems to me that I could fix you up, or at least put you in econtact. Oddly, I only know one 6’ nonItalian brunette guy, who seems to meet your criteria. He is a dog guy, likes to get rescue dogs, but he belongs to PETA and would probably have no problems with cats. Patient in some things, and he redefines punctual. Of course, he lives in CO. But then, one of us would have to list an email address.
haven: Recently single, after a 4 year stint. I’m not single b/c of my restrictive dating criteria, as you implied. My longest stint single has been 6 months, so I don’t do too badly, generally. Right now I’m taking a break. 4 years is a long time to walk away from, so I’m regrouping and thinking about what I’m doing a little more.
X~Slayer: I don’t think you’d want to date me. I not only don’t eat meat but I’m lactose intolerant, though your baked potato sounds great. I’m a Green Party Nader voter who adores her cats and whose best friend is very gay. I don’t think you’d dig me. We could talk about martial arts (I started taking karate after my friend recommended her instructor so highly).
slowmindthinking: Um. Hmmm. A cyber blind date. Interesting. Might be fun just for the hell of it. Is there a way we can contact each other without having to post our addresses in a public forum? I get enough spam as it is.
JThunder said:
No, no, no. Not at all. Let me tell you–they were all man, baby! (And they were good-lookin’, too!)
I think it is great that you have tried to develop a list. It’s a good way to figure out what you like. This list apears to me to be a list of preferences only. It is a little too long though, I think you can cut it down to 3-6 requirements, and call the rest optionals. Focus on the requirements, because you never know what guys you may find interesting. You shouln’t rule anyone out just because they don’t meet all of your preferences. All you should be conscious of is your absolute requirements.
I think your height requirement could be too narrow. A question for you is: are you yourself a tall woman? How tall are you? If you are, I can understand the desire to have a taller man. But if you aren’t tall, to rule out many guys based on height might limit you if it’s not necessary. This is what I have been trying to tell a friend of mine who refuses to date anyone under 6 foot, even some really great guys who are 5’10". She herself is 5’4". There is no need for her to turn down guys based on a couple of inches, when if they stand next to her, it really won’t make much difference because she isn’t that tall and doesn’t have the urgent need to require a tall guy.
Also, I think it’s important to add good character to the list. Some of your other preferences dealing with facial bone structure and a fondness of cats are kind of trivial. Strength of character, high ethics, integrity and morals are far more important than the little things. Assuming that you have good character, you should also require the same and put that to your list ASAP. I’m shocked that no one on here has emphasized character very much.
sixseven, I just like tall guys. 5’10’ is fine. Not too much shorter than that, generally, but as I’ve said before, if someone jazzes me, I could get past it. He might not turn my head on the first look, but that’s where personality comes in. Height is not a dealbreaker. Maybe I should have listed the preferences and the dealbreakers separately, but there you go.
Character is a whole other thread from this. I have said repeatedly that this list was based only on empirical characteristics, not emotional ones. I could tell you what I do look for: kind to children and animals, honest to a fault, has my back, is a good listener, is a whole, independent person, has a dry sense of humor and appreciates irony, but doesn’t everybody want those things, or things just as abstractly desirable? Attractive personalities come in all shapes and sizes and are very hard to quantify, which is why I stuck to the empirical.
Liking cats is NOT trivial for me. I have 5 cats and they are my family. A guy who doesn’t like cats would never work out for me, period. It’s a dealbreaker.
Ironically enough, there is snail mail. :rolleyes:
Otherwise, I think one of us would need to set up an email account just for this purpose.
If you want to communicate without posting an adress, I’d recommend going to mail.com or another free e-mail outfit. Sign up for an anonymous account, and use it to screen the contact. If a psycho gets ahold of it, or if your penis is sufficiently lengthened, you just walk away from it.
Hal
slowmindthinking Try catcherinthewry@excite.com for me. That’s a dummy account for me that I’ve used for semi-anonymous things like newsgroups, etc.
A couple years ago a friend of mind made up a “Future Ex-Boyfriend Checklist” just a mental exercise. The idea was to think of 35 things that you would like to find in someone you dated. Usually, only a few items would be deal breakers, the rest were just things that would be nice. I scored about 77% on her list which we both thought was quite funny.
It was fun, but I don’t take it too seriously. In retrospect, most of the girls I’ve ever dated score well on the checklist simply because I know what I like.
As far as Rubystreak’s list goes, it doesn’t seem unreasonable to me as a list of preferences. The best part is when someone slips in under the radar and despite not meeting the bulk of the listed items turns out to be the love of your life. Weirder things have happened.
I had a great reply written, but the window froze.
So suffice it to say that if you hadn’t decided that I “jazzed the hell out of you” before I revealed I teach highschool music, and thus make under 30k, and because of that and that alone, you decide to not give me your number, I don’t believe you’re the type of person I’d want to date anyway…
And on preview, sayeth winsling:
But not if it’s lengthened too much. 
Oh. Meant to add this too:
I don’t actually teach now, still in college…but that is about what they make right out of college, and for the first few years.
I used to have a checklist of sorts, but then I realized I liked tall and short, blonde, brunette and redhead (rrrowr), young or not-so-young, etc. So I don’t worry about it anymore. Lightning will strike where it wants to. BTW, I like cats! (Not because they’re tasty, either!) Which reminds me–time to clean the catbox!
See, now ** Rubystreak **, you said you have a physical “type” that you’re attracted to, and anyone who doesn’t is lying either here or to themselves. I don’t really get this. I’ve dated tall guys (6’ +), I’ve dated short guys (5’5"). I’ve dated stocky guys, I’ve dated lean & lanky guys. I’ve dated white guys, black guys, asian guys and indian guys. I’ve dated guys that had blond hair and blue eyes, I’ve dated guys that were black and black, black and blue, red and green, etc. etc. Really, the only common demoninator is that they all had really nice skin (my little “thing”). My point is that I thought all of these guys were hot, hot, hot. It just seem really odd that you would have such a specific criteria list for apperance - there just aren’t that many guys that look like Rick Ocasic.
Anyhow - good luck. I would consider branching out with the whole apparance thing though. There could be a nice short Swedish man out there that really turns your crank.
Oh and Gut, I’m not sure you would qualify - you’re not really lanky - more like buff and manly. 