Are my dating criteria unreasonable?

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

So I’ve been wondering if this idea I have in my head of who I’d like to date is unreasonable. My ex, who is now a friend, says I’m too picky; I don’t think so, but there’s nothing like an anonymous group of cyberstrangers to let me know if I am.

NOTE: I tried to stick to concretes, and not get into “has a great sense of humor” or “is a good person” or “is a sensitive, loving guy” b/c those are pretty subjective things and tough to quantify unless you know the person.

I’ve narrowed my taste and my type and my preferences down, and here they are:

–Straight male, white or Latino
–Between 25-40
–Over 6’, under 200# (flexible by a few inches/pounds, but I like 'em lanky)
–Dark hair (generally, but not always) of no particular style, but I wouldn’t want to date a guy who spends more time on his hair than I spend on mine. I can deal with anything from a crewcut to long hair as long as it’s clean and not too styled up.
–Must have a good, strong chin and nose
–Must like cats (does not need to have any)
–Must be single (not dating someone else, preferably no kids, not hung up on some ex)
–Should make over $30,000/year, but this is somewhat negotiable. I just don’t want to have to pay for everything.
–Non-smoker, social drinker only
–Pretty liberal (ie, not homophobic, racist, jingoistic, sexist, a big Dubya fan, etc.)
–Has a college degree; or, at least is very much smart enough to hold his own in serious, intelligent discussions about books, film, politics, and life in general
–Practices good hygiene and at least appears to have all his teeth
–Is timely (shows up when he says he will, calls when he says he will, remembers birthdays and national holidays)
–Won’t give me a hard time about being a vegetarian (it’d be nice if he were one, but I’m not going to push my luck)

Are any of these criteria unreasonable? Am I too picky? Is there anything I’ve left out that I should be thinking about? Keep in mind that this list covers only the tangibles, leaving the emotional niceties aside.

#2

If those things are important to you, then they can’t be unreasonable. The longer a list you have, the less people are available to you to date from, however, so be aware of that and try and figure out what is a dealbreaker, and what is a preference and know how flexible you can be. (you seem to have done this anyway, so I think you know yourself well.)

And have fun !

#3

"Hey, Rubystreak, how you doing?

No, over here.

Look down. Yeah, there I am.

Oh, nevermind."

Well, the 6’ thing eliminates me, but otherwise it seems reasonable. I don’t think you could possibly be accused of being too picky as long as these are guidelines and preferences rather than hard and fast rules. And if you have hard and fast rules, I think you could be fairly called picky unless the rules are “breathing” and “over the legal age of consent”.

#4

epolo, how far under 6’? Just curious…as height for me is a preference, not a dealbreaker. However, really short guys and me just generally do not work too hot.

#5

You were doing good right up to “Must like cats”. Pretty much eliminates all real men.

Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.

#6

How about guys who can pretend to like cats?

Your list doesn’t seem to picky to me, but perhaps because I pass your tests. Except that my hair is a light enough brown that the truly dark call me blonde. Oh, and that whole single, no kids thing.

Seriously, you might want to rethink your insistence on single - as in not divorced or widowered (is that a word?!). There are lots of good guys out there who are divorced, but not hung up. And plenty of single guys who are hung up on their ex so.

More importantly, your listed is incomplete. There are plenty of complete a$$holes that meet your listed criteria. Ted Bundy would have. (Ok, I don’t know if he like cats.) What is the real list?

#7

Don’t listen to Gatopescado. I’ve dated many real mean who liked cats.

So there. :stuck_out_tongue:

#8

slowmindthinking: I did leave off all the amorphous things like, “must be sane,” “must be a whole person on his own,” “must not be possessive or abusive.” Some kinda went without saying, and some are too abstract for quantification. Fer instance, a guy could be stone cold crazy and still wonderful, so out the window would go the “sane” requirement. I was thinking just the empiricals when I made this list.

I never ruled out the divorced or widowed. I would date a divorced guy; of course I would, if he was an amazing person. I have dated a few who have had kids and they tend to have some real angst and issues around it that worry me. Of course, all criteria go out the window when you meet someone who jazzes the hell out of you, right?

Any man who hates cats doesn’t have a prayer with me, as I have five, and they ain’t goin’ nowhere.

#9

I’m just wondering if the requirements for appearance might eliminate some wonderful people right off the bat. Could you date/love a man who did not live up to you physical ideal? Honestly, to me, appearance is the last thing that matters when finding a wonderful mate.

#10

Ah. So they were liars. :stuck_out_tongue:

#11

Have to agree with Lissa - I mean you’re sorting people by their chins?!

My criteria is :

  • Female
  • Human
  • Not stupid or psychotic (don’t ask)

Other than that, I’m more interested in the chocolate then the wrapper :stuck_out_tongue:

#12

I have been known to lift large weights, and shatter rocks and boulders, with my chin alone. And you don’t even want to know what I’m capable of doing with my nose.

But seriously, I see you in a few years’ time with a nice, short guy, maybe with light hair, maybe African-American or Asian-American, who likes dogs and leans to the right politically. Because nearly every time I’ve spoken to someone who says, “Oh, I must have A-B-C in a woman/man,” I see them a few years later with someone who has X-Y-Z. When they stopped looking for Mr/Ms “Perfect,” they found Mr/Ms Right-for-Them. Who was usually light-years away from who they were looking for before.

On the other hand, you could just dump all pretenses and start dating me instead, since I’m all of the above save being 205 pounds (and I’m working on that one :wink: )

#13

I don’t know…

Personally, I would be a little pissed if I found out I was being evaluated via checklist.

#14

Wow, you’d have to be fucking hot for me to date you.

#15

How are being a liberal and a Dubya fan the same thing?

I don’t think your list is excessive. I think you are excluding a large amount of desirable people with your 6’ + & lanky comment (that rules out 80-90% of men who fit your other requirements). This is an obese society, better get used to it.

You should make a scale list. Some of those things fit 50% of the population (30k a year), some fit roughly 80% (good hygiene), etc. I would scale your desires based on how often they occur in nature and how important they were to me.

I’m with Rabid_Squirrel though :smiley: on my own desires. Add ‘not so ugly i don’t want to look at them’ and ‘a compatible, desirable personality’ to his list and you have my desired woman.

#16

Your best bet, Ruby, is to go out with a lot of guys who seem nice. The right one will eventually make himself known.

If you’re going to filter them based on having the wrong kind of chin or voting Republican, you’re going to live a life of great disappointment. The problem isn’t the items on your list. The problem is that you have a list.

#17

For fun, why don’t you make a list of criteria that you fit. (Men don’t make lists like that, but you, know if they did.)

As a jumping off-point, he’s a version of your list from the masculine point of view:

–Straight female, white or Latino
–Between 25-32
–Between 5’5" and 5’8", under 140# (flexible by a few inches/pounds, not looking for a supermodel but want a girl who takes care of herself)
–Blonde hair, or light. Bleach okay but nothing cheap
–Must have a good, strong chin and nose
–No pets, except trained dog or dogs who don’t sleep in the bedroom
–Must be single (not dating someone else, preferably no kids, not hung up on some ex, mom and family not interfering with her life)
–Should make over $30,000/year, but this is somewhat negotiable. I just don’t want to have to support anyone
–No danger of being caught on “Girls Gone Wild” tape.
–Pretty liberal (i.e., not homophobic, racist, jingoistic, sexist (except for her list-making), not a big Dubya fan, etc.)
–Has a college degree; or, at least is very much smart enough to hold her own in serious, intelligent discussions about books, film, politics, and life in general
–Low maintenance
–Doesn’t demand too much of my time (i.e., doesn’t call me at work unless it’s urgent, realizes I have my own life, etc.)
–Does not have eating disorder or picky eating habits.

This is half based on your list, and half based on the kind of things my ass---- friends consider important.

#18

I’m with Lissa and Rabid_Squirrel – you’re eliminating a lot of possibly nice guys with these:

The rest I think you would need, but what if your true Mr. Right is the “wrong” age or didn’t happen to be born with the “right” nose? Would you dump Mr. Physically Perfect if he gained weight, or broke his perfect nose, or went bald, or lost his job? None of these qualities are indicators of the type of person he is, or qualities that would help with long-term compatibility, and THAT’s what important.

Mr. S is short, has a weak chin, and currently makes less than half of what I do. He went through years of (lack of) dating hell because he wasn’t “the right type.” (One girlfriend even berated him constantly about being short – as if he could help it!) But as far as I’m concerned, he’s Prince Charming. Lucky me.

#19

Your list seems reasonable to me. If I lose 10 pounds I’m in ! Although RickJay is right. Don’t focus too much on the list. Maybe have a couple of dealbreakers in mind but don’t automatically write off someone who doesn’t get all the points on the checklist.

[sub]Mind you dating advice from me is pretty much useless.[/sub]

#20

That’s an awfully LONG list. Mine, if I write one, goes like this:

  1. Must be male. And straight (I admit I’d be a bit weirded out if he was bi, at least in a sexual relationship, please don’t hate me for that).

  2. General looks – decent, hopefully, at least. I’m not going to get picky about hair and chins and stuff. And the right personality would make up for a LOT in the looks department. I’m pretty short, being on the short side would be a major help, but is certainly not a requirement.

  3. Hygiene. This includes smoking. For me, smoking is a MAJOR deal-breaker. Ewwwwww!

  4. Generally liberal outlook preferred, but not required.

Beyond that, I’m not going to be too picky. Some shared interests would be wonderful. “I married a gamer chick!” says the husband in a couple I’m close friends with. My ex and I had a WONDERFUL time going to science fiction conventions. So conventioneering would be a definite plus.

Aside from the gender and hygiene things, most of this is negotiable.