I’m with Scarlett67 on this. The physical things are not that important—other than there must be a general feeling of “I’m attracted to this person. This person is attractive to me”. But to make a list about which features are attractive is kinda—odd.
As Scartlett said, Mr. Perfect’s either going to probably go gray eventually, or go bald. So much for the dark hair on your list. Mr. Perfect’s weight is probably going to change. So much for weight on your list. The whole strong chin and nose thing—what can I say? I’m a portrait artist so I look at people a lot, and I find that some damned attractive men do not always have “strong” features. But they are attractive. Just 'cause they are. Attractive is attractive. It’s hard to explain sometimes.
(For instance, the guy who plays Palmer on “24”—Dennis Haisbert. He’s got a technically “not very strong” chin. But is he or is he not handsome? Damn, he’s handsome, OK? Or at least a lot of women, would consider him so. You just never know.)
How is having a list a problem ? I don’t get it. Is there anybody out there who honestly doesn’t have even one thing that would be a dealbreaker ???
I’m married, but I could easily come up with a huge list of things that would be unacceptable to me in a partner. I’m pretty sure most people could, even if it’s only a short one, such as a certain gender, for example.
Preferences are one thing, a list of cut offs is quite difference.
My list of dealbreakers for a chick.
1.Must not have a penis(even a small one is unacceptable).
2.Must not loath me(although if she can hide it well, that one is negotiable)
3. Must not be highly criminal or mean(ie. puppy kicker)
Those are actually the one hard cut offs I have although it is hard to overlook the fact someone has stupid hockey opinions.
Here’s my list from a male perspective:
–Straight female
–Young
–Thin or at least in good shape
–Must have hair. Preferably not Jersey Shore hair
–Must have a pretty face
–Must not have a cat, must like dogs
–Must put out
–Shouldn’t ask me for money. I pay for things because I like you or am trying to impress you, not because I have to.
–Non-smoker, social drinker only who can keep from getting sloppy in public
–Don’t care about your politics - just keep them to yourself
–Has a college degree (or at least looks classy and educated)
–Practices good hygiene BEFORE I show up to pick her up
–Doesn’t talk back (doesn’t give me shit about showing up late, forgetting to call, forgetting birthdays and national holidays)
–Won’t give me a hard time about drinking late with my friends
I’ll also add
–Likes watching movies produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. (or at least leaves the room)
–The only Julia Roberts movie she makes me watch is Oceans 11.
Sadly, I just can’t find that special someone.
Rubystreak, I totally agree with the concept of having a list of required criteria for a partner. Too many people wind up in bad relationships because they settle for second-best.
I do agree with the other posters though - there are some things that are deal-breakers, and others that are highly-desirable options.
Dang, reading that whole “required qualities” and “desirable qualities” thing makes me think of the bollocks I have to go through when writing up selection criteria for a job application!
Please tell me you don’t make them give you their resume on the first date
Your list seems totally reasonable to me. I have a similar one (though it’s in my head rather than written down). I’ve never dated a guy that met all of them, and every time I realized I was kidding myself into thinking that I would get over it.
Ruby, too bad you probably don’t live near MD, as I am every one of those things with one minor exception…
I have often been accused of being “Socially Liberal but Financially/Econmoically Conservative” in my politics. Other than that, straight board, check, check, check, lol.
Nice of you not to rule out crazy per se. Some of the most interesting & smartest people I know are mad as hatters.
Hell I even had a Cat once, but she ran away to go live with the ex. Figures, lol
Seriously though, for the subject at hand, no that’s not too unreasonable as long as you don’t mind being held to similar standards. One thing I always find hilarious in people is a double standard.
“Doesn’t talk back”? You don’t want no “back talkin’ wimmen”? Isn’t that a little cave man of you? And don’t let the promptness police get you on the lateness thing. Most people feel perfectly entitled to bitch about lateness. It’s not unreasonable to not appreciate left hanging while someone takes their time getting there, you know. (And I’m often chronically late. I should know.)
My list is not a “checklist.” The preference came first and the list is just a written record of my own taste. I just sat down and thought about what I liked and didn’t like and posted it in list form. I don’t sit there with a clipboard and grade people; I am merely trying to articulate for myself what exactly I’m looking for. I’m not trying to portray an image; I’m trying to know myself better.
So those of you who say physical qualities are not important-- do you think you’re really being honest with yourself? Are you like Shallow Hal, willing to date a person based only on their inner beauty? Anyone who says that is probably not being honest with himself. I have a specific type that I’m attracted to, and I can’t seem to do anything about it. I wouldn’t want to date someone who didn’t turn me on physically as well as other ways.
Calculus of Logic, you missed the NOT in the sentence about Dubya.
What are the odds of finding an Asian man over 6’?
I think this is a fine list. The things people are disagreeing with are things that would be dealbreakers down the road but would be awkward to discuss early in the relationship (not hung up on some ex, how much money he makes, liberal, smart, remembers special days).
Just for the record, aside from being 42, 5’9", allergic to cats, and married (four things I really can’t change…), I’m perfect for you. Good luck!
For the record, every one of my woman friends I know who have lists like this end up either dateless, or dating losers. The people I know who are either happily dating, or married, have one criteria on their list - “I like him/her.”
I have one friend in particular who has a ton of really nice male friends that she won’t date. Instead, she dates men who, for one reason or other, are really, really bad for her. The most recent was a college professor. He fit the “list” but ultimately cheated on her (several times), and asked her to marry him, but never coughed up a ring, was reluctant to make wedding plans, and ultimately called it off two months before it was supposed to happen. Meanwhile, 2-3 really great guys who would love to date her are left on the sidelines, because they didn’t have a good enough job, didn’t fit the physical profile, etc.
There’s nothing wrong with having a list and knowing what you like. I think I could write a comparable list of my own, if I stopped to think about it. It’d be hard to decide, though, between what I like and what I require.
Fortunately you say at the top of the list that these are preferences - and I agree with others when they say you should bend from your list, at least for no other reason than to mix things up a bit. If you have the opportunity to date someone that fits all your criteria and at the same time, someone who fits half of them (say the more important ones), there is no reason why you shouldn’t date them both. It’s good to know what you like, but don’t restrict yourself by rejecting everyone else.
-Won’t sleep with other people
-Won’t try and imprison me in her house
-Won’t attempt suicide in response to our relationship
-Won’t sleep with other people AND THEN justify it
-Won’t make me feel like I’m not good enough
sigh I have had some bad girlfriends…
I’m also attracted to thin girls. Not in the usual ‘every guy wants a thin beautiful blowjob queen’ way, I really do have a thing for thin, even ‘skinny’ girls.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a list…I think everyone could probably make one just as long. I do think it ultimately says more about yourself than it does about whoever you end up with though - because I’m pretty sure the list will go out the window when Mr/Mrs right comes along.
Maybe this is a hijack, but I almost never dated guys I thought were “hot” My husband (who I love dearly and consider my soulmate) is not my physical “type”
I think your list is reasonable, but I wouldn’t start doing formal evaluations based off of it - or discount a perfectly good guy that meets your criteria every other way but is a little shorter and/or heavier than ideal.
Funny, I agree with most of your list (although the physical attributes part is a bit much). I married a guy who is lacking a good number of those attributes you listed, and I still love him. We are very different people, but somehow that makes it interesting.
It seems to me you have two different kinds of criteria on your list:
(1) qualities that would attract you to a person in the first place (this includes most of the physical stuff), and
(2) qualities that affect how compatible you’d be or what kind of relationship you’d have.
Type (2) is probably a good list to have, especially if it’s based on your own past experience with what has or has not worked in relationships.
Type (1)? Well, why not just judge whether you’re attracted to people on a case-by-case basis, rather than try to break it down to a checklist of details? It’s sort of like saying, “I like paintings that have the color blue in them.” But then, I’m speaking as someone who doesn’t really have a physical “type” he’s attracted to. I’d want to date women I found attractive, but there doesn’t seem to be a common denominator among the women I find attractive when it comes to things like hair color, height, body type, facial features, etc.
