This image detailing how to care for an introvert has been making its way around Facebook lately, but it seems to me that it’s more instructions on how to deal with someone who has anxiety issues. Am I just way off base in thinking that introversion isn’t the same thing as anxiety? Or is this more or less accurate?
I always thought introversion simply meant you preferred to be alone (or as alone as possible) and that being around large groups of people would physically exhaust you. That image does seem to me in my very not professional opinion, to be referencing something far more serious than mere introversion.
AIUI, introversion vs extroversion has to do with whether you are energized or fatigued by social interaction.
I am firmly in the introversion camp - I need time alone to recharge after social interaction (I am including work in “social interaction.”). I do, however, want and need to do social things. I like both small and large gatherings, enjoy meeting new people. But afterward I need significant time alone to reset, or I will get very cranky and exhausted .
Motorgirl did you read the image ultrafilter linked to? As an introvert do you think that list applies to you or is it more for people who suffer from anxiety?
I have seen that making the rounds. I am not really sure. I think introversion and social anxiety seem to be somewhat correlated, but a lot of the things attributed to introversion in popular culture I don’t think are specifically “introverted” qualities.
That sounds like social anxiety, not introversion as I know it. Speaking as an introvert, I like being around other people just fine, but then I also need to get away and have “me” time to recover my energy. I enjoy getting some solitude whenever I can, and shyness or anxiety has nothing to do with it.
This TED talk does a pretty good job of explaining introverts.
Let’s look at some of these:
- respect their privacy
- don’t interrupt them
- don’t embarrass them in public.
This is just basic politeness. If you don’t understand this, you are an insane barbarian with boundary issues (not to overstate the case). But it’s a forgivable misunderstanding since apparently society has lost its mind with this whole blabbing public exhibitionist extroversion fad. That’s what’s abnormal. There’s nothing wrong with introversion.
Strikes me as sound advice to parents of teenagers. And I’m speaking not as a parent, which I have never been, but as someone who can (vaguely) remember what it was like to be a teen.
A lot of it also just sounds like good manners – respect privacy, don’t interrupt, don’t embarrass them in public. I don’t know that I have anxiety issues, although I may be a bit of an introvert, but most of these just sound like showing respect for another individual.
I agree with both sentiments: this is not dealing with extroversion but anxiety (and not even necessarily social anxiety), and a lot of this stuff is basic politeness.
Problem is, if you call it shyness or social anxiety, people will think it’s something they should try to fix about you. And if you call it politeness, they think you’re being a whiny baby.
Yeah, I’m pretty much a textbook extrovert and everyone can feel free to use these rules in regard to dealing with me, please. (I dislike all the chatter about the care and keeping of introverts. I have had far too many introverted friends and roommates who absolutely refuse to go out and do stuff with other people and then get mad at me when I choose to go out anyway instead of staying home and playing super smash bros for the 6th night in a row. It’s as if they’ve decided that being an introvert is actually code for always getting their way. I’ll respect your preferences but you have to respect mine. I’ll play scrabble with you on Friday night, if you’ll go to a movie with me on Saturday.)
They are hopelessly confused about a few different things regarding introversion versus extroversion but most people are. As mentioned above, introversion versus extroversion depends solely on how you get your mental energy. Introverts get it through introspection and have to recharge after extended interactions while extroverts feed off off of social interactions primarily.
Introversion has nothing to do with shyness or anxiety per se although they may be correlated in some people. It also has little to do with how successful people are at social interactions. It is perfectly possible to be a shy, socially awkward extrovert as well and that is an even bigger problem for the person in question. Conflating those leads to some big confusion and even some “coming out of the closet” revelations. There are very famous people, including those in show business who are extreme introverts. It is common in stand-up comedy. Even Johnny Carson was one. Thomas Jefferson was a huge introvert as well and the list goes on and on.
The basic problem is that our society has idealized extroversion so much that people who don’t hold that core trait are judged as needing a fix. Introversion is a core trait however and there is nothing anyone can do to fix it even if it was undesirable and it isn’t. It is fine to have extroverts to sell you things and plan your parties but you also need people that work inside their own head as well most of the time like air traffic controllers and systems analysts.
There are whole books on this subject. I have a few as proud introvert as I assume many of you are. We tend to do really well on message boards and any place where reasoned and well thought out responses are the norm rather than foosball type banter.
What are some of these books you mention Shagnasty?
One good one that I have in front of me is called ‘The Introvert Advantage’. It deals with working with and not against the strengths of introverts and there are many.
I’m an introvert. Those suggestions don’t really address my introversion. About the only thing that really would address it would be, “Don’t take it personally if I don’t want to hang out.” For me, social gatherings–even amongst people I’m completely comfortable with–are very exhausting. I’m drained afterwards.
I also (probably) have a touch of social anxiety. Those listed suggestions actually are pretty good for that. That being said, the social anxiety and the introversion aren’t the same thing at all. There’s a group of people that I’ve hung out with somewhat consistently for nearly eight years now. I’m completely comfortable with them, and I don’t really get nervous or all that self-conscious around them. I do, however, still find hanging out with them exhausting, because I find hanging out with anyone exhausting.
There’s a lot of conflating of the two everywhere, though. People will sometimes assume that the only reason I don’t want to do something is because I’m nervous about it. This leads them to try and gently push my boundaries. They think that they’re doing me a favor by helping me get over my nervousness, and maybe they are. Afterwards, however, they’re largely mystified by the fact that, no matter how much they try to nudge me, I still don’t want to go be social all that often.
The nervousness can be overcome. The exhaustion is just part of who I am.
Could the person who made that poster please add to their list:
13/ Use fonts, colours and layouts that aid rather than detract from your readers’ attempts to understand your message.
Mind you, I think this applies to communication with extroverts and not just introverts.
#1, #12: Yes.
#3: not sure what this means.
#10, 11. Maybe. Different strokes, but probably generally true.
#2, #5, #6 #8: you should usually do these for EVERYONE. Common courtesy. Although I see how 5 is a problem for extroverts.
#4, #9: what are they autistic?
#7: how patronizing. Is this talking about a six year old?
For the OP: I think they’re mostly wrong, but have an okay grasp on what makes introversion different from shyness.
6 and 7 strike me as good advice for dealing with autism, not introversion.
In fact, I think most of this was written with Asperger’s in mind.
I actually think this would be good advice for extroverted parents with introverted children. This sounds mostly like advice you’d give someone having a hard time dealing with an introverted kid.
Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Bill Gates are all people I’ve heard are introverts. Why on earth would you have to apply this list to any of them as adults? (Aside from the items on the list that are just common courtesy.)
I think they’re all fine rules that we should strive to apply to anybody.
The tone, however, strikes me as originating from somebody unwilling to accept that life sometimes throws us curveballs and we occasionally have to put up with some abrupt or unpleasant interactions and situations. And unwilling to recognize that we don’t get to offload the responsibility to handle these curveballs on to those around us.
That is to say, it sounds like the reproachful complaint of someone who was dragged to some mundane’s party that they weren’t totally enthusiastic about going to (even though I know this is the kind of thing that gets some Dopers on the phone with Amnesty International) and not any kind of psychological abuse.
The problem is we don’t know if those points were written by an introvert or by an extrovert as sort of an owner’s guide. Both perspectives are wrong in their own way but it would influence figuring out the intent.