Are Perimenopausal Hormones Doing This to Me?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay, some background:

I am a 48 year old female, who’s noticed some changes in her monthly cycles which I think corresponds with what’s known as perimenopause, the menopause before your menopause, so to speak.

It’s not really the physical changes that concern me. Something’s happening with my libido as well.

I should mention that due to certain factors in my upbringing, I identify myself as a faux-sexual. It’s a word I made up myself meaning I prefer sex with fictional men.

In other words, invisible boyfriends.

Now you may be laughing, or you may be pitying me, but believe me when I say I truly prefer these angst-free, non-confrontational, no complications, no misunderstandings, no bad surprises, mono-fueled relationships. Basically, I use my imagination for long conversations, adventurous “dates”, nurturance, and of course, masturbatory sex.

I’ve had a number of long affairs of the mind with different “avatars”, but once I’m done with a man, I go on to the next one. I’ve never gone back to someone I’ve left before. And generally, until now, it was a sporadic sort of thing. I’d think or fantasize for a while, then go on with my normal life.

But now, one of my past fictional loves, a guy I dreamed about in high school (not somebody from the high school, let me emphasize.) has come back and come on strong. Real strong. It’s like I can’t stop thinking about him. He showed up out of the blue about a month ago, and it’s been nonstop ever since. I still do all the things I have to do, but he’s always in the background distracting me. I can’t concentrate on my reading or writing my novel, because I’m thinking about him! And I resent the real life stuff that keeps me from focussing on him.

The sex is great though. The tough part is not fantasizing while driving the car.

Usually, my affairs don’t take this violent a hold on me. I can’t say that I’m really worried about this. I figure it’ll ease up sooner or later. But what the hell’s going on? I’ve never been this obsessive before. Could hormones be doing this?:confused:

2

I think when an intrusive, obsessive thought or fantasy starts to interfere with normal activities that you should speak to a mental health professional.

3

Nothing to add, except that being " faux-sexual" (or “virtual sexual” ) sounds like a common preference in Japan. (The virtual relation game Love plus). Or, going back to medieval times, the ideal of courtly love.

Anyway, if it was perimenosopal (how do I spell that?) Other women would have the same, no? And if it is a common hormonal thing, I havent heard of it. OTOH, I have had crushes that had this intrusive obsessive quality, at all ages, as well as crushes that didn’t. The difference seemed to be in my own thoughts about that particular crush.

4

This is good stuff. Put it in your novel for sure.

This is actually not any more weird* than when guys get sex robots, and there is a sex robot industry and thus, apparently, a market. (And they’re not cheap.)

Fantasy men are better, and cheaper. Knowing how to create one will put you right up there if what you’re writing is romance or rom-com.

*Okay, it’s a little weird. But I am not laughing and I am not pitying. It’s safe sex!

5

I’ve never heard that perimenopause is related to intrusive, obsessive thoughts. Is there something in your life that feels chaotic or out of your control? This may be your mind’s way of distracting yourself or giving you something that you can feel in control of, if so. If it’s truly interfering with your normal life, I agree- talk to a professional about it.

6

it may also be traced to hormone changes and/or imbalances caused by the onset of perimenopause. it happened to me with an under-functioning pituitary gland. the hormone levels dropped out so gradually i didn’t realize anything was even wrong with me.

next thing i knew i was crying at the drop of a hat, depressed, and on and on. the doctor caught it during a routine blood panel. once the proper chemicals were reintroduced, it was like night and day.

definitely have the hormones checked in addition to seeking other professional help.

7

I’m in my forties, and have also been struggling with intense, off the scale, fantasies about someone. Perimenopause is one of the factors I’ve been considering. I also have other issues I’ve been consulting with my gyno about - flukey ovaries, now the uterus is getting into act, a large amount of weight loss (intended) in a shortish period of time. There are certainly hormone fluctuations that are part of it in my case.

Psychological component - maybe that too. For years I only had ‘imaginary’ sex fantasy characters. Once I started to think about a fantasy version of a real person, it turned out to be much more powerful, and it started a dreadful feedback loop. I would orgasm before ‘finishing’ the fantasy, and my body locked it in.

For two months, there were non-stop thoughts/fantasies that were getting to be too intrusive to live with. Twice I nearly crashed the car. I was starting to hope the doc would find cancer - I would have taken any reason to have a hysterectomy. When the physical symptoms of my reproductive problems eased up, or I had weeks where I gained some weight back, the fantasy obsession eased up.
A few months later, I had a pretty bad three week period, but after my cycle in December, it’s going away again. I hope my mind/body interface has worked this out and it won’t be as intense again.

Just talking about it did seem to help, I acknowledged the problem to the doctor and someone else IRL, and that did ease some stress.
Of course everything went Twilight Zone on me, I am now talking more/having lunch with the object of these fantasies, while it’s exceedingly strange, I do think it’s helped keep my mind from running riot - knowing the real person better has blocked me from making up thrilling details.

Not a technique you can try if all your fantasy figures are imaginary. You have my sympathies.

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No, it isn’t possible for me to know the real person behind the fantasies, since they are mainly fictional television character based. I’m interested in the characters, and not the actors who portrayed them. Anyway, the actor in this particular case will be 78 years old this year. At least, he was still alive when I last checked. It’s a bummer when they die. I fixate on his much younger persona, of course.

Thank you for your sympathies, but I actually enjoy my secret loves. This one had me a little surprised because he seemingly came roaring up out of my memory from nowhere, and it was much more intense than usual. It was almost like it wasn’t my doing, but not quite. I know it’s me doing all this. Knowing that is what keeps me sane.

So, you had near misses with the car too, huh? Funny, but that makes me feel a little more normal. Recently, I was in the car ‘with him’ on the Eisenhower coming into Chicago, and we were singing and having a great time, when I suddenly realized I was doing 85, and swerving across lanes and around cars like a maniac. Whoops. Easy, steady there girl. I quickly reverted to normal driving, and he was just so amused by the whole thing.

Just lately, the intensity has eased up. He’s no longer all I can think about. He’s still here, and I can call him up, but things are getting back to routine. But I’m getting a great fan fiction story out of this. The trouble is, I don’t want it blotting out the non-fan fiction novel I’m working on. I just have to find a sense of balance, really.

I think these are because of the hormonal surges of perimenopause. I think I could actually get to like this. That’s a big frigging difference from the shit my mind usually pulls on me.

9

W.T. F? Why has nobody told me that a possible symptom of perimenopause could be delusional fantasizing? Why does nobody talk about perimenopause? What* else* is going on with my body that I thought, “Huh, whatever.” and will turn out to be another freaking symptom?

Like my fingernails split and crack all the time now. They never used to, but in the last couple years, I’ve noticed the top layer of my fingernails wants to split and peel off. Perimenopause? Or nutritional deficiency? Finding the answer to that question doesn’t seem to be worth making a doctor’s appointment.

I’m just ranting because, when we were little kids, there was a metric fuckton of information being shoved down our throats about menstruation and all that would entail. “And then, when you’re about 50, you’ll hit menopause and it’ll stop.” And that’s about all the information I’ve ever been given about menopause. I’d never even heard of perimenopause until I was like 35 and my doctor asked me if I was having any symptoms of it. I had to go home and google. (Yes, I’ve done some reading, but it seems to me that just about any physical or mental weirdness a woman experiences after age 40 can safely be blamed on menopause or perimenopause and nobody will question that.)

Partially, I blame my mother, who had a medical trauma-induced menopause at 42, so she really doesn’t have any information. If I ask her she just says, “Yeah, well a bunch of weird shit happens and then you stop having periods.”

Gah!

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[makes check mark]

11

No kidding? Anything we can do, from a dietary perspective? Better hydration? More of [insert some mineral or vitamin here]?

12

Please see a doctor before you hurt someone.

13

Since this car episode happened only once, I think I can control myself, and just remember not to fantasize in the car again. It’s like remembering not to talk on a cellphone while driving.

Fuck no, I’m not going to a doctor about getting rid of my fantasy lovers. They’re the best thing to come along in a long, long while. And I’m writing like never before! I’ve had nothing but clinical depression since starting puberty, why the fuck shouldn’t I enjoy the upside of screwy hormones? I’m always in control, and I know what’s reality, and what isn’t.

Put me down for splitting fingernails too. And no, I’ve never heard of that as a symptom of perimenopause either. I’ve tried looking into the physical symptoms of this natural phase of life, and the most I can find out about the mental effects of it is something called “fuzzy thinking”. Yes, but what kind of fuzzy thinking? Forgetting things? Skipping letters while writing? Misspelling words you used to know? Because all that is happening to me.

You’re absolutely right Dogzilla, it is hard as hell to get any details on what to expect from approaching menopause. My mom is no roadmap either. “I don’t know, it just stopped.” is the most I can get out of her. She told me that she also had fantasy lovers when she was younger, but she made herself stop out of guilt.

Fuck that shit. Bring it on, I say.

14

As someone who is in the middle of menopause (or finished with it, not sure yet) all I can report is mild hot flashes and forgetfulness (who was I supposed to call?).
My fingernails are fine and my fantasies involve winning a large amount of money. And chocolate.

15

Hm. Maybe we need a “What can I expect from Perimenopause?” thread?

16

Okay, now I gotta ask.

17

Okay, but he’s an obscure one.

It’s Nicholas Georgiade.

He played Agent Enrico Rossi of The Untouchables fame. You know, the middle part of the phrase “Lee!..Rico!..Youngblood!” that Dan Ackroyd would yell out when he parodied Eliot Ness on SNL a couple of times. Actually, Youngblood should be Youngfellow. I don’t know why Dan got that name wrong.

Rico wasn’t the star part of The Untouchables. He mostly followed people around, and said, “Right, Eliot.” a lot. His character was written into the show from the premier in order to play “the good Italian” in a show that featured organized crime, to balance out the stereotypes.

But man, whatta babe. He’s got beautiful brown eyes, and he fills out a vest like…drrroooooooollllll…

…I’m sorry, what were you asking?

18

Weird crushes happen, and yes they can, at times, be a great source of inspiration for creative work e.g. fiction writing.
But the car thing is indeed worrying.

19

Your lack of concern for your own safety is one thing but your lack of concern for other people’s safety is very worrying.

20

I’m beginning to understand that peri-menopause IS the big show - menopause is just not having had a period for one year.