I was just thinking about this based on some other sexual fetish threads we’ve had, and most people seem to have fetishes based on things that they see or do in real life. That is, their fetishes and fantasies are part of their real, physical sex lives.
However, in my case, without going into many specifics because that’s just TMI, I have a number of sexual fetishes/fantasies that would be seen by most people as extremely unusual and perhaps even disturbing, but they are merely fantasies. In fact, I have had the opportunity after talking to some folks about some of these fetishes (including a committed boyfriend), but the idea of actually carrying them out in real life is very unappealing to me, to the point that I won’t even consider TRYING it at all.
I was curious, does anyone else have any sort of sexual fetish or fantasy that is fine when they’re fantasizing, or looking at porn, or whatever… but that would absolutely squick you out if you tried to do it in real life?
Is this a common phenomenon? Is there a special name for a fetish that you get off on mentally or by seeing others do it or reading stories that depict it but not by actually doing the fetish or experiencing it yourself?
Most women I have talked to about this fantasize about twisted stuff that has ZERO appeal to them in a real-world setting. I think the most comforting, normalizing comment on this phenomenon is “You can get turned on by watching two horses have sex - it doesn’t mean you want to have sex with a horse.”
Additionally, I know if I ever tried to act out fantasy material or role-playing, I would feel totally awkward and self-conscious and therefore completely turned off. I know some people get into it, but I bet a lot more people prefer to run some idealized, private scenarios in the seclusion of their own heads and leave it at that.
Grudge or hate-fucking. I’ve thought about it when I see pretty, evil people like Michelle Malkin or Michele Bachmann on television, but basically I lack the detachment and compartmentalization to be a nasty ass to someone whose body is giving me pleasure.
It’s just an example of how bringing the idea of “sex,” to mind, even tangentially, can be a turn-on. People are easily reminded of sex and easily aroused. It kind of goes with the whole evolution deal. Something that evokes the idea of coitus can be arousing, not because of an attraction to that thing, but because the idea of coitus is arousing.
Oh, yes. Bondage fantasies, in particular, are more appealing than bondage realities for me. The stories don’t have to deal with elbows that don’t bend that way, shoulder blades pressing into hard surfaces and needing to scratch your nose while you’re in handcuffs.
Sex-with-a-stranger in what’s sometimes called “rape fantasy” as well. I’ve been raped, and rape isn’t sexy. But the fantasy of being grabbed by some sexy stranger and physically persuaded into sex…the fantasy is sexy, and doesn’t come with STDs and blood loss.
I have one and only one sexual fantasy I don’t want to become reality.
I want to watch a woman load a round into a revolver, spin the cylinders and slam the gun shut. She then proceeds to penetrate herself with the barrel of the gun and masturbate. At the moment of climax, she pulls the trigger.
For obvious reasons, that one is better left fantasy. All the others, I’d be willing to try.
I’d totally rail out Michelle Malkin if given the chance in real life. In fact, it was probably one of the first things I thought after I first read her op/eds. “Man, this chick is totally selling her soul by penning this crap but she sure is purdy.”
I’d have thought that being raped would put a serious hamper on any rape fantasies.
Were the rape fantasies stronger before or after the rape? Was there any causal relationship between the rape and the increasing/decreasing intensity of the fantasy?
I ask because I’ve been thinking that sexual fantasies may sometimes be a form of exposure therapy for some traumas/anxieties.
Which is why I put “rape fantasy” in quotes. I don’t actually know anyone who has a true fantasy of being raped, although as this thread shows, there are some pretty disturbing fantasies out there, so I won’t say it’s impossible. There are plenty of women who have fantasies about sex with a stranger, even rough sex with a stranger where she starts out truly struggling, but then is overwhelmed by his manly manliness and succumbs and he leaves her begging for more. For some strange reason I don’t understand but people have probably written dissertations about, people often call that a “rape fantasy”. So I used the term for communication, but made the qualification for clarity.
Blimey, I’ve got one hell of an imagination. My fantasy life is extravagant.
How about: sex in public places? In the privacy of one’s imagination, it sounds most invitingly erotic. In reality? Humiliating, and probably followed by an arrest and conviction, and having one’s name on a “sex criminals” list for the rest of your life. No thanks!
How about: sex with a really hot precocious 17 year old? Same problem.
How about: sex with a “furry,” an anthropomorphic animal/human fusion? Besides the fact that there aren’t any, there are other problems. Shedding, cat dandruff, other allergy issues. Claw and bite marks. Physical incompatibility.
How about: sex with a dominatrix? Sounds alluring? Not so much! (Spanking does NOT turn me on!)
How about: marathon sex with lots of partners? The idea is cute…but is physically impossible. “The name is Simson, not Samson!”
How about: sex with a guy? This is something that I can easily daydream about…but would not wish to do in reality.
That really depends how public you’re talking about. It’s really not hard to find good places. I mean, just park your car somewhere kinda secluded and not like across the street from an elementary school at 3pm, and there you go.
It’s just an example of how bringing the idea of “sex,” to mind, even tangentially, can be a turn-on. People are easily reminded of sex and easily aroused. It kind of goes with the whole evolution deal. Something that evokes the idea of coitus can be arousing, not because of an attraction to that thing, but because the idea of coitus is arousing.