I just saw the film Spotlight and it made me wonder if female pedophilia as common as that from males (obviously the Church scandal was a unique situation based on the males-only clergy and cover up by high officials), or is it simply reported less? My mom believes that this means “men are less trustworthy around young girls” but that’s not really germane to the discussion. Or is it that there’s a societal double standard around “sowing one’s oats” for young men? I know that there are earlier threads on this, but I was curious if there was new information on this apparent disparity.
I know guys who claim that they were molested by female babysitters at a young age and never told anyone at the time because well . . . they liked it. I also suspect that they may just be bragging but I don’t doubt that it happens, the question is just the one you bring up, frequency of occurrence. Which I believe can’t help but be subject to inaccuracy due to boys being boys. A boy being molested by an older male authority figure is quite another matter.
I don’t consider a woman a pedofile if she molests a boy who is well into puberty even if the law does. I have yet to meet a guy who this has happened to who didn’t love every minute of it.
It doesn’t make it right but I doubt that it does much damage.
Just curious about a couple of things you said.
How many guys do you know this has happened to, and what were the age differences between the male and female (estimate, if you don’t know)?
And are you saying that if someone “enjoyed” it, there should be no consequences for the pedophile?
I think as a society we have to protect children. And even if some kids mature faster than others, the only thing we can do legally define pedophilia is tie this act to an age.
Any child under the age of consent should be protected under the law, but there does seem to be a double standard here… A 15 year old boy being molested by a 30 year old woman would not be looked at in the same way if the sexes were flipped in the scenario. I think that is wrong.
I agree that it is wrong but in all honesty who really gives a shit if it doesn’t hurt anyone. I was almost 14 and my pedophile lover was 36. If I had been 11 or even 12 it may have been different. We had another lady in the neighborhood known affectionately as one tit. She was about 40 and did quite a few of us, having pubic hair was said to be where she drew the line. It goes on a lot more than people are willing to admit.
Interesting.
Are you a father at this point in your life?
If so, has your opinion on this changed? Let’s say you had a 13-14 year old daughter, and you found out she was having sex with a 36 year old man… And there was another 40 year old man in the neighborhood, who your daughter and her friends nicknamed “one ball”.
Would you have the same cavalier attitude and understanding if you found out about this, and your daughter said “Dad, I enjoyed it. We all did. There is no problem here, and I am not damaged in any way.”
I am not doubting your story, or your sexual history. I am just curious as to whether or not at this point in your life (and forgive me, I don’t know how old you are…) that you would still consider this “ok”, or would you want to find the men who your daughter have been sexually active with at 14 and either want to a) break their necks or b) at the very least, be arrested for their actions?
Would you consider your 14 year old child capable of being mature enough to handle this activity, or would you want to intervene because few children that age are emotionally prepared to handle such a situation?
I love the standard by which “one tit” operated. Did she ask each child in the neighborhood to drop their drawers, and only then move forward, or was it understood by the neighborhood boys that once you had some fuzz on your balls, “one-tit” would service you?
And as an adult, would you personally be OK having sex with a 14 year old? Let’s assume you use the same high standard of “pubic hair” to make sure the child is “old enough”. And based on your conversations with her, you believe she is just fine with having sex with you. No harm no foul?
If you say you weren’t emotionally scarred, I have no reason to doubt you. But I would suggest that at 14, you were taken advantage of, and the adults who had sex with you were predators.
Sadly, I would also agree that this probably happens much more than I even want to consider. Once is once too often. If two 14 year olds have sex together, that is bad enough… But a 36 year old and a 40 year old having sex with a 14 year old? That falls under the parameters of pedophilia.
Moderator Note
This being GQ, let’s confine this to the frequency of pedophilia, not whether it is “OK” or not or how people feel about it. If you want to debate such issues, please take it to Great Debates.
This goes for everyone.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
The facts seem to bear this out. As a 2009 newspaper article relates,
I’m not trying to persuade any individual to pretend their experiences were more horrific or scarring than they actually were, but overall, the prevalent attitude of “oh well, boys enjoy it, and if they’re past puberty it’s not really a big deal” is part of the problem. We’ll never get accurate statistics on the incidence of child sexual abuse by female abusers if people continue not to take such abuse seriously (when the victims are post-pubescent boys, at least).
Just on the basis of being (more) scientifically correct, as Nabakov teaches us in ‘Lolita’ the term Pedophilia generally refers to attraction to a prepubescent person, or child. The term Hebephile more accurately describes most of the situations being talked about above - attraction to post-pubescent, or young teens.
I hope there are not many in this world who would condone pedophilia.
Back in the 70s, there was a clerk in my office who had two sons. The older one was 14, stood nearly 6 feet tall and was a big strong lad who looked older than his years.
One evening, she came home unexpectedly early and found her son half naked on the couch and their 36yo neighbour giving him a BJ. She apparently went absolutely spare, threw the woman out and grounded the boy for the rest of his life.
When she told us at work, virtually all the men and several of the women thought that she had overreacted. A couple of the women thought that she was right to ban the woman from the house, but should go easy on the boy. Most of the men thought that he was dead lucky.
I agree that there is a difference between being a pedophile - one sexually attracted to children - and merely breaking the law about age of consent with someone close to it.
But either way the question about greater or lesser frequency by gender would be a fair one to ask.
However *I don’t know how easy or difficult it would be to come up with a realistic statistic on this, I have no idea how’d you conduct the poll/study w/o at some point people noticing something’s “off” and immediately starting full defensive answering or demanding to get unhooked from the brain activity scanner. Or how you’d publish a study saying “of 234 male and 178 female subjects, indicators of pedophillic ideation were detected in 3 males and 2 females” without a candidate rallying a mob outside the lab demanding your head for keeping them anonymous.
Yeah, there should be a line between sex with children and sex with someone somewhat under the age of consent.
It seems I’m seeing more and more news items about female middle school, jr high school, and high school teachers being arrested for having sex with male students. It just makes me wonder…
It makes me wonder where were these teachers when I was in jr high or high school.
When I was in college, I worked with a woman who also worked at a group home for boys who had been in various kinds of trouble, and one thing they ALL had in common was a history of sexual abuse. The most common culprit? A teenage female babysitter. Not far behind was best friend’s mom, mom’s best friend, sister’s friend, etc. Yeah, maybe they said they liked it, but a boy engaging in sexual activity at age 11, 12, 13, with a much older partner messes with their heads (the big ones) in ways anyone who hasn’t experienced it can’t imagine.
She said that if she ever had kids, she would NEVER hire teenage girls to watch them, and was less worried at the prospect of her daughters being molested than she did with sons.
The same thing could be said about his 14-year-old son doing what he allegedly did, with either a woman or a man.
ETA: When I read Honeybadger’s post, I had to do a double take to make sure it wasn’t written by Shagnasty.
When my son was in elementary school when standing in the hallways around the Mom’s I’d often hear them say how certain little boys had a cute butt, how nice a body he had, or how handsome a boy was.
That totally pissed me off because if I even dared breathe anything about a little girl I know I’d get arrested or beat up or worse.
But, Mom’s and women in general can say a boy has a cute butt?
And then when the boys get into middle school you get these older women wanting to give them very close hugs, shoulder massages, and acting like they had the hots for them. BUT, that was seen as harmless fun.
Been meaning to mention this, just to see what everyone else thought (at the risk of verging into IMHO territory).
When I was 9 or 10, my parents came home, only to get a story from my female college-aged babysitter where I apparently urinated on her shoe after she noticed I was “sleepwalking.”
The problem is that I was never otherwise known to be a sleepwalker. And wouldn’t the “stream” be stopped by my pajamas?
Later this incident would bug me because…well, see the thread title. No memory of it, at all (and I can confirm that I did wipe a later traumatic incident (age 20) completely from my mind).
Thoughts?
I can dig up the cite when I am not at work, but IIRC 95+% of convictions for child sexual assault are of males. Female pedophiles are quite rare.
Which may be the source of what Urbanredneck mentioned - women can joke about it and not be taken seriously because it is so rare.
But the GQ answer is yes, there are a lot less female pedophiles than male ones.
Regards,
Shodan
Or - It is quite rare for women to be convicted of paedophilia, which would also allow women to joke about it and not be taken seriously because it’s rare for them to be punished for it.
And: “fewer”. #pedant
I suspect that to some extent it’s a control issue. A 16-year-old is more likely to be able to control a 12-year-old boy than one 16 or 17. She can decide when things happen, when they stop, whether to carry on or end things; even more so, if the female is 35. An adult male is more likely not to take “that’s enough” or “it’s over” without problems.
Of course, too, a female can get sexual satisfaction (depending on her standards) a lot more easily than a male can. Similarly, HoneyBadger’s story is indicative - I don’t know that there would ever be a case where a number of 14-year-old girls would need to know which one male in the neighbourhood (adult or peer) to go to get sexual satisfaction; whereas I can totally see the boys lining up for it, even if it screws up their life perspective down the road.
Moderator Note
As I said above, GQ is not the place to discuss the moral aspects of the question. Drop this now.
Moderator Instructions
Further posts of this kind may be subject to a warning. This goes for everyone.
Colibri
General Ques