Perhaps this is just the result of personal frustrations with trying to meet someone, but I’m starting to feel like there’s a shortage of single women out there. I have a lot of male peers that are single, and most of these guys don’t have any negative qualities that would send a woman running away screaming, neither are they unattractive IMO. Part of the reason they (and I) are single is the difficulty in finding women that are available. Because the ‘pool’ of single guys is so large, as soon as a woman becomes single she often pairs up with a guy immediately afterward, leaving many other suitors in the dust. Its not like we are a bunch of shut-ins either- we go to parties and various social events where people typically meet. When I started college, I thought it would be easy meeting someone, because there were so many attractive women around me. I have several classes where the female/male ratio is 12:1 or greater. I was disappointed to find that that most of the women I was attracted to were not only unavailable, they were married.
At first I just thought it was a coincedence; perhaps I was not playing the field wide enough. But as I became more and more agressive in my efforts to meet people, I realized I wasn’t finding anyone who was single.
Perhaps I am just getting a popular blow-off. I could imagine a single woman that was not interested in hanging around me could just lie and say something like, “You should meet my husband” to get me to back off. Of course, that doesn’t really help my self-esteem any better…oh well, maybe I should look forward to bachelorhood.
Well I wont bore you with the whole “Be confident don’t look needy” routine which is pretty much a staple in any one of the “Nice Guy” threads.
The only thing I could reall offer you is this link here Which is basicaly the 2000 consenses for your state. According to the stats THEY have listed yhou should be bat’n off with a stick. (Scroll down for marital stats)
I didn’t intend this to be a ‘nice guy’ thread by any means, rather just an observation I noticed. There honestly seems like a lot more unattached guys than ladies, at least where I live.
I really don’t have a problem getting turned down- ultimately it is a learning process and all you can really do is try to learn from it and better yourself in the future. But I’m not even in an opportunity to be dumped in the first place!
If polygyny and lesbianism are unusual, and men and women occur in roughly equal numbers in a given area, then the number of single men and single women should be approximately equal, wouldn’t you say?
Seriously, I think it’s a matter of single men being more outspoken about it.
A while ago, someone posted this site (change the zipcode in the URL to match your zip code).
While it doesn’t give out exactly the numbers you’re looking for, if there are a lot of men and a very few women, chances are the numbers are not in your favor. (And from rumors I’ve heard about your location, they’re really, really not.)
Incubus, I don’t think you’re wrong. In my keen yet unscientific observation, I’ve noticed that there’s a sort of “trickle-down” effect when it comes to single women. It works like this: I believe that men in general are a little more accepting of personality flaws in women than women are of in men. Therefore, if you have a group of newly single women, those that are both physically and mentally attractive will find partners the fastest, then the not-so-attractive women with attractive personalities and the attractive women with not-so-attractive personalities, then (what the common consensus would consider) not-so-attractive women with not-so-attractive personalities.
The point is, women tend to have a bit of an advantage when meeting people. Couple this with the fact that our society generally expects men to make the first move, and dude…you are at a severe disadvantage statistically.
Adam
Disclaimer: The above message is not to be construed as scientific or empirical evidence. It is an over-generalization based on one’s particular experiences as a single male. Please do not go off the deep end and start flaming me. Thank you.
Maybe you go to these things, but lots of single women don’t.
I think more men are more aggressive about going out specifically to try to meet women, but women who are somewhat shy just won’t be there, or they won’t stay long, or just won’t make an impression on you. There are lots of women (especially those who aren’t in a network of party girlfriends) who will spend a lot of their free time by watching TV, or going to a women’s aerobics class, or going to a movie by themselves, often because they sort of expect a relationship to just “come along” sometime without making much of an effort. You’re not meeting lots of women because they just aren’t hanging out at the same places you are.
Being a shy person is an incredible disability.
In my experience, when I was single and of the mind “there aren’t any single women for me to meet,” in hindsight, I was often my own biggest obstacle. Coming from the Bay Area myself, all I can say is that there are a ton of single women there; what you need to ask yourself is:
Are you finding different social situations where you are more likely to meet women you might like? If your classes are full of married/dating women, that may be because of the type of school you are attending, the topic, etc. If you like to hike, join a hiking club, if you like to play chess, join a chess club - anything where you are more likely to meet women who share an interest.
You mentioned going to parties and clubs. Do you go to situations/locations where the setting isn’t about hooking up - in other words, where women might be who you could talk with, without filtering out those who don’t like parties a clubs? Grocery stores, laundromats, coffee bars - do you spend time at these places? If not, you clearly should.
Do you organize or participate in Group Activities - a big gang of men and women going to a movie or meeting up at a bar or apartment to watch a game or a favorite TV show. No pressure and you can get to know people over time…
Checked out the “disproportinately female” list – It had places like Bryn Mawr, PA (women’s college). The “disproportionately male” list was more apt to have places with prisons, like Jessup, MD.
I don’t think there are ANY single people here ( Central Florida) , men OR women. At least not in my age range ( I’m newly 40). Everyone I meet is married. I am always the only single one at work, at parties, at meetings, etc. Makes me feel like a freak .
Of course, a lot of my married friends are starting to have marital problems, so maybe soon I will have a buffet of divorced men to choose from!
Wordy McWord. There’s also the fact that a lot of single women don’t have many single friends. When you don’t have many single friends, it’s hard to get into those situations where it’d be easy to meet people. The days of going clubbing with a group of single girlfriends has passed.
Just the other day I realized I’ve only got one or two single friends. And they’re male. So, going to bars and such doesn’t really pan out and when it does happen, the single gal tends to get the spotlight, which can be embarassing when you’re the shy type.
Now, fortunately for me I don’t have a whole lot of spare time to sit and ponder how woefully single I am. On the flipside of that, I also don’t have a whole lot of spare time to go out and meet people. Factor in my equally busy married friends generally preferring to spend the weekends with their spouses who they hardly ever see plus the fact that shy people are generally not too keen on attending social events by themselves, and you’ve got a recipie for disaster. Or at least long-term singleness.
I can’t find a cite for it, but I seem to remember reading back during the dot-com boom that San Jose had a lot more men than women. Maybe that’s still true to some degree?
You have the same problem I had in college, with the genders reversed. I was majoring in astronomy, physics, math, and computer science. Almost all of my major classes had a male:female ratio of at least 2:1, and there was more than one in which I was the only woman in the class. I still managed to graduate from college with a GPA greater than the number of people I’d dated during my five years of college. It seemed that all of the men I was attracted to were either gay or already had a girlfriend.
For me, it did eventually get better- I met Mr Neville and we got married. If there’s hope for me, there’s presumably hope for you.
.