So we’re getting ready to have local elections. Maybe I haven’t noticed this before, but the campaign slogans are beyond stupid this round. We have “Count on Carol!” for Carol Chumney. Well, that’s comforting.
And then the slightly puzzling “Pat Vander Schaaf- She’s Good for Memphis!” Because clearly, you’d want to sow as many seeds of doubt as possible about your candidate. This is especially useful when she was caught shoplifting three years ago while a member of the city council.
If they’d only hand out brownies and little paper buttons, I’d know who to vote for.
-Lil
No no no, you always vote for the one who promises you the best prom you will ever go to.
“The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me, because I don’t even want to go to college, and I don’t care, and as president I won’t do anything. The only promise I make is that if elected I will immediately dismantle the student government, so that none of us will ever have to sit through one of these stupid assemblies again!”
I suggest watching Election and calling it a day…
In college, my friends and I ran a fictional candidate for ASB president, Herman J. Ootics III (some of you will get that).
Some slogans:
You don’t care, neither does he.
Don’t be a fool, vote for one!
I am the only candidate who freely admits that nothing significant will be accomplished no matter who is elected.
Ahem, Cardinal, you neglect to mention whether your candidate got any votes.
4%, as a write-in. We were the major commotion, though. One ticket fell apart because the V.P. candidate blew a gasket in public about our candidate, doing everything but calling him evil for not caring. Our point was that we couldn’t recall anything the student government had ever done except arrange social outings.
Actual conversation with slightly snippy election committee:
“Remember last year how bad it was when Karl was president, because he was so careless?”
“No.”
percypercy, that’s hilarious. I’m about two hours north of Memphis, and you just further justified my habit of watching the Nashville news channels instead of those in Memphis 
Of course, this isn’t happening just in Memphis, but on a national level, too. “I dunno about you guys, but if I get chocolate bars I’m sooo voting for Clark. Ya know, experience or no experience, whatever. I’m getting candy!”
My freshman year, I started the tradition of campaigning for Cthulhu.
I made a darn good poster for it, too. It was big and red, and had a few pictures of Cthulhu on it, plus some of the interviews with Cthulhu that we altered to fit the school and made up one.
On some large sheets of paper I also made about four or five cheap, crappy posters. They usually had a silhouette drawing of Cthulhu and some catchy campaign slogans, most of them I’ve now forgotten unfortunately.
Too bad we waited too long to put up the posters (the day of the election) and we didn’t get a good chance to put up most of the supplemental posters. The main poster, unfortunately, was held up with inferior (read: crappy) masking tape and fell to the floor, upside down, when we went to class.
But some people noticed that year.