Are we really all fake?

The BBQ Pit
21

This is a message board. People post words here. Other people form judgments based upon those words. Anyone who bothers to consider the implications of this medium understands that context.

Fake?

Perhaps “aware” is a more accurate label. For instance, WanKuei has given me the impression of a person who gives lacks consideration and depth of thought on issues related to homosexuality. Is he a homophobe? I haven’t enough evidence to judge, but his OP certainly left that possibility open.

malkavia gives me the impression of a person who is fiercely loyal to her friends and lets herself, perhaps, be sometimes blinded by that loyalty.

Do either of these judgments matter to WanHuei and malkavia? I doubt it. I have no personal connection to either of them, and neither strikes me as the sort to engage in serious self-reflection based upon the impressions they leave on a public board. If it did make a difference, would that make them “fake”?

No. It would make them different sorts of people. For my part, I do pay attention to how others react to my posts. I try to be aware that the words I post here are actually read by other human beings. That doesn’t stop me from being honest. It doesn’t prevent me from criticizing when I feel it is appropriate. It does, I hope, guard against my being thoughtlessly offensive.

Somehow I have a hard time seeing that as a bad thing.

Does that make me a fake? I don’t think so.
Does being carelessly offensive make WanKuei an admirable human being? I don’t think so.
Does loyally defending thoughtless offense make malkavia a champion of truth? I don’t think so.

One final observation: I am happy for malkavia that she has a comfortable and accepting relationship with her boyfriend. Truly. I think loving relationships are quite literally the best part of life. It should be obvious, though, that none of us shares an intimate and trusting relationship with the thousands of posters+lurkers who visit these boards. This isn’t a quiet moment between friends, it’s a public forum. I can’t help but suspect, for instance, that Wankuei would react differently if I called him a butt-pirate.

22

Well, Spiritus is always a tough act to follow, but, I do wish to interject a few more points.

I prefer to go braless, without a coat. Now, of course since I live in Mid MI, going w/o a coat in the middle of January is not the best idea. Does that make me fake? Since I work in an office profession, going braless isn’t considered to be ‘appropriate’ - does wearing one while I’m at work make me ‘fake’? I don’t think so.

Humans have a wide variety of available behaviors. what’s acceptable behavior in one setting is absolutely not in another. While it may be totally acceptable to have sex with my SO, we’d most likely refrain from it, should we be in a house of worship during services - that’s just the kind of folks we are.

So, here at the SDMB, we have places where swearing is damn near required (the PIT) and others where it’s less accepted. Does that mean I’m ‘fake’ cause I choose to play appropriately in the respective forums? Again, given the above, I don’t think so.

Now, on to the other ‘verbotten’ stuff referred to by the OP. This is a written medium. I’ve seen enough examples IRL of people misundertanding spoken words in person (where the inflection and expression of the speaker were also available), to make me cautious in my choices of written words on a screen.

Some topics are a hard sell to be funny. When you’re introducing controversial topics it may behoove you to select your words carefully, lest they leave you open to misinterpretation. Some topics that many won’t find funny include : WWII, rape, and so on.

23

Oh lord the giftie gi’ us
Tae see oorsells as others see us.

To quote Burns.

I’d think that most posters don’t really know how they are viewed by other Dopers unless they are either trolls, or somehow upset someone.

It would be hard to know if you are a fake in such circumstances.

I’ve seen the odd thread asking others how they felt about them but that looks to me like A Bad Idea.

No-one would like to think they were exposing their least appealing characteristics, in fact I’ll bet some do not even know what those are, but you would need to define fake,
if I have some impulsive urge to say something that reflects what I truly feel about a situation its nearly always better to hold my tongue and see the other point of view. Others hold back on their opinions knowing the sort of fire they attract, is that fake ?

24

Truth be told, I am fiercly loyal. But it doesnt stop at my friends. I try to take truth where I find it… but a very good point has been made.
What I know is a joke because Im laying around naked in my bedroom next to someone I’ve known for almost 1/4 of my life…

…may not be seen as a joke by someone who’s at their computer, looking at the words of a stranger.

And if a stranger at a party called me fat outta nowhere, I’d probably not care much for him… even though he was just stating the obvious.

However, I’ve been to MANY parties and seen on numerous postings here irreverant teasing about certain stereotypes with little to no backlash.

One that sticks in mind was a gentleman talking about how a blind date went terribly awry when he opened the door and saw a 250lb heffer on the other side. (I forget his exact wording) How did people react? “Geez man, I’m sorry.” Was I offended? Not really. He wasn’t talking about me in particular and who the hell am I to dictate what another person should and shouldn’t find aesthetically pleasing?

Or how about “My so-and-so is one of THOSE Christians… you know the kind: close minded, fire’n’brimstone ignorant ones who think they know everything.”

Oookay.

“My so and so is one of THOSE gays. You know the kind, always kissing and hugging in public, marching in those PARADES and screaming obsceneties at the innocent straight passers-by.”

One of those statements would be accepted and understood here.

One of those statements would get me lynched.

Luckily, I’ve got a good sense of humor about both. I love several Christians and several homosexuals and I see no reason to malignantly bash either group.

I dont see how “Gayman” was really offensive. Hrm. “Whitewoman” Am I offended? No. Lets try another… “AgnosticChick” No… nothing yet. “StraightGirl” Seems fitting enough.

However… Assmasterson mighta been taken wrong by those of us who dont have a refined appreciation of South Park anyhow.

I thought it was a pretty funny slam on Silo’s last name though… Even though I love the poor sod dearly.

If anyone should find it offensive, I’d say it should be him. Not that he can really tell us about it anymore.

smirk

No, Im not bitter at all!!! =)

But yes… I see where the bitter reaction came from.

However, I still really admire those of you who speak your mind whether or not you share in popular opinion.

25

But there are people who are THOSE Christians–“close minded, fire’n’brimstone, ignorant ones who think they know everything.” THOSE Christians don’t equate with “Christians in general”, or “deeply religious Christians”, or even “fundamentalist Christians” (or “theologically conservative Christians”). There’s a difference between “devout” and “Jack Chick”.

The problem is that your example isn’t very parallel. “Kissing and hugging in public” or “marching in those PARADES” are more equivalent to “One of THOSE Christians–always wearing a cross and going to church and saying grace at lunch”. I really don’t think that attitude would go over very well (that is, expressing contempt for Christians just for being Christians in public); it certainly wouldn’t go unchallenged. Only the last, “screaming obsceneties at the innocent straight passers-by”, would start to get into the “Jack Chick of Gay Activist” territory. Better would be “My so and so is one of THOSE gays. You know the kind, always sneering about ‘breeders’ and bursting into Catholic Churches during Mass and throwing pig’s blood on the altar”. If your so and so is a jerk, call them a jerk. Just don’t have different standards for jerkishness for different groups; i.e., for some people, merely living their lives in a normal and open fashion is being “pushy” or “uppity”, while for others, only outright assault and battery would cross the line.

26

I stop myself from posting stuff sumtimes. On a very rare occaison i might try to impress speople here.

For example, in this post I seriously considered using the words fascist, bigot, hypocrate, commie bastards, egomaniacs, and self-important ignorance-promating asscracks. But, I didn’t. (not refering to anyone in this thread) Using those words would accomplish nothing.

Seriously, I like ALMOST everybody on the SDMB. The SDMB is, by far, my favorite website. The SDMB is full of the smartest, freindliest, and most diverse group of people anywhere. The Teemin Millions also piss me off frequently, but I don’t hold any grudges. I GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON.

Things that piss me off a lot are gross generalizations and similar shit, like this

What the fuck is that? Stupid crapsaw.

I even like all of the mods/admins, I’m pissed off at a couple them right now, but I like them. I’ve only seen the administration do two dumbass things since I joined. Thats a great record.

There is only one thing that I really have to stop myself from doing. I often get the urge to tell peole howe to do illegal thing with thier computers. Like in that BO thread today. I wanted to say “for a good joke just forge some email, heres how”, but I like my non-banned status. I just like fighting ignorance too much, including ignorance of how to effectively break copyright and other missaplied laws :slight_smile: I also usually refrain from posting in GD, because I know I’ll make my side look worse.
Most people here are NOT fake. Controling your behavoir and following rules you may not completely agree with does not make you “fake.” I am pretty much the same here as in real life, I listemn much more than I talk.

I bet that rambling made no sense, oh well, this too shall pass. Just another episode in “As the Board Turns”.
Grammir? Spelin? u dnt lok me spelin n grammir u can. Also I have been up since 4pm yesterday. Uh what was this threa dabout again? I probably shouldn’t post while I’m this tired, but I’m not gonna let this post go to wate. I bet it will be good for a laugh when I wake up.

27

I think that I am pretty much the same person here as I am in my day to day life. I actually think I am marginally more honest here than there. For instance, if you have to work with someone who you disagree with about a hot topic, why would you want to get into a fight with them about it? I mean, neither of you are going to change your minds. And you have to interact with them, face-to-face, every day. Who needs THAT kind of grief? So…while I wouldn’t lie to that person, I also wouldn’t get into it with them unless forced to do so. I would (and HAVE) simply state my opinion or belief once, and then refuse to debate it any further.

On the board, you have the liberty to state your opinion or belief, read any response or question, and respond in a better way…you have time to really think about what they said, and speak more intelligently to their question or belief.

Oh, and I do have to say…I printed out a thread once for my office assistant. It was something I thought she might be interested in reading. And about half way through, she said “Cheri, this person sounds just like you.” Of course it WAS me. So…I guess that sort of answers your question for me.

Besides which, I don’t think I have enough energy to be anyone but who I am. The whole concept sounds exhausting.

Scotti

28

If I hadn’t told your boyfriend I thought his comments made him sound like a twit, I would have been fake.

29

mblackwell said:

Things that piss me off a lot are gross generalizations and similar shit, like this

quote:

but Christians scare the hell out of me because it’s difficult to be rational with them about faith, and I stay as far away from them as possible, if I can help it

What the fuck is that? Stupid crapsaw.

Ooh! I’m so excited. I think that’s my first ever insult in the Pit. I’ll treasure this moment forever. Really. Okay, you know, mblackwell, you’re right, and I’m really glad you pointed out the flaw in the logic of the statement I posted. I’m shocked at myself! I made a generalization about Christians. I’m sorry. I’m usually more careful than that, but I do have a fear, however irrational, of Christians. What I meant and should have said is that generally people who self-identify with any religion (Christian, Islam, Confusianism, blah, blah, blah) scare the hell out of me because I find it difficult to be rational with them since faith isn’t based on rationality. It’s just shit people believe and identify their innermost selves with. People’s faith in religion really scares me because it seems like that is one of the few things that will drive otherwise peaceful folks to fight and kill to defend their faith. There are other things as well about Christians that I find off-putting, but I don’t have the time to get into them, and I don’t think anyone really cares anyway. I don’t think Christians or folks of other faith are bad, some of them just get on my nerves sometimes. Does this make more sense? Can we be friends now?

30

Matt… you know I had no beef with anything you said. =)

I dont really see the difference. Being “close minded” is part of being a Christian. Its not so much close-mindedness as the deeply held belief that there is only one truth. That’s a central vein of their religion. As for fire and brimstone = parades and whatnot… It all depends on who you ask. Alot of Christians respect those who tell it like it is with all of the gory details of Hell and whatnot… Alot of Christians really respect those who witness to people who, well, would really rather not hear it. Again, who are you to judge them for doing what they feel is right?

Just like… who am I to judge a bunch of guys in chaps with their arses hanging out proclaiming “We’re here, we’re queer… get used to it!”

But I really do like your bitching about breeders analogy. Haha. One of my very good gay friends does that. But again… we know eachother well enough to laugh it off.

31

Sure.

32

See, I knew you were cool, mblackwell. We just keepin’ it real up in here. By saying we can be friends, you made my day, sweetie. :slight_smile:

Have a good one.

33

malkavia, let me tell you a story that I hope is instructive.

A few years back, I was sitting in a bar with three close friends. Two of them were (white) friends from high school, and the third was Missy, a black woman. My H.S. friends and Missy had never met before.

Missy was righteously pissed at the moment, because the night before, she had had to get a white friend to hail a cab for her, as a bunch of cabbies had driven right by her.

I reached across the table and grabbed Missy’s hands. I looked her earnestly in the eye and said, Missy, you have to understand. We whites aren’t prejudiced against you darkies."

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that my H.S. friends looked utterly horrified. But Missy just bust out laughing, to the point she got into a coughing jag.

My point? On this board, I have a lot of “Missys” - people who have become close friends, with whom I can joke about just about anything, including race, sexual orientation, etc. But this is a public board, which means that there are always going to be “H.S. friends”, people who don’t realize the friendship I have with the Missys, and who therefore don’t realize that, in the context of our friendship, I can say such things to the Missys.

As a result, I don’t write such things on this board. It is simply easier than having to explain each time “but we know each other.”

Does it mean I’m fake? 'Course not. I wouldn’t make such jokes to Missy in front of her parents IRL, for example. It’s the real me knowing what I should and shouldn’t do in the context in which I find myself.

Sua

34

Personally, I am just a computer program that passed the Turing test.

Or am I?