Are we really all fake?

The BBQ Pit
1

I read something in a different thread today that really got me thinking:

iampunha

Do most of you seriously post just to impress other people? Do you keep from speaking your mind or making wisecracks that you know you meant in a humorous light just because it might upset the delicate balance of your fellow dopers?

Are we all fucking fake?!?!?!
Know what? I’ve said my share of things on this board that others have cringed at. And I dont feel apologetic about any of it. I still mingle and IRC and love/am loved by my fellow dopers just as much as the next person.

Some people have a sense of humor.
All this time I’ve posted here… it was because I thought this was a good place to have frank discussions about well… just about anything. And now I come to find out that its really just for impressing other people.

Sheesh… no wonder Satan and Silo arent here anymore. Damn those free-thinking, say-it-like-it-is folk. They’re messing up a perfectly good popularity contest here.
Pssht. I’m so disappointed. Oddly enough, I respect manhattan for his refusal to succumb to this sort of behavior… even as I dislike him for getting away with it soley because he’s a moderator.

C’est la vie.

Oddly enough… I respect

2

Can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m as fake as a 5 dollar Rolex.

Let me be short about this. There’s a difference between being a free-thinking, say-it-like-it-is poster, and an obnoxious, fuck-it-the-rules-don’t-apply-to-me poster.

C’est la vie indeed.

3

Well, I can’t speak for the other 14,998 registered users, but I’m here to have intelligent, amusing discussions with people, not to try to impress anyone. I seriously doubt whether I could impress anybody anyway, at least, not at long distance, utilizing electronic non-IRL media. To get the full impressive DDG effect, you have to be up close and personal with me.

::: Quack :::

See what I mean? Somehow it’s just not the same.

Oh, and Happy Fourth, Malkavia! At 11:00 a.m. out here in the Heartland, the mercury’s already up to the 80’s, and the entire neighborhood resounds with the noise of cherry bombs. Still to come–steak and chicken on the BBQ, a truckload of sparklers, and municipal fireworks at 8:30 p.m. down by the lake. Norman Rockwell would be screaming in ecstasy.

4

Two completely different instances though. Im not sure why I tied them together.
One is being told IN THE PIT that unbecoming humour will make the baby jesus cry and will prevent him from getting birthday invitations left and right…
And the other is using foul language in ATMB, where it is CLEARLY unacceptable as there is another place that this language can be used. (Welcome to the Pit.)

I will admit, the Pit is a say it like it is type of place that doesnt have a long list of “You cant say that, its offensive” rules. But would it be too much to ask that people who are easily offended (Like those that iampunha pointed out) stay AWAY!! from this particular forum if its going to insult them on a personal level and keep them from otherwise making friends with someone who might be alot different elsewhere?

Of course, Im just rambling because I can… And because Ive been reading pit threads for two days straight and Im to the point of wanting to crucify someone. =)

But really… to assume that one must keep ones sense of humor in check to keep from offending someone else makes this place WAY too much like the sterile offices and gray fabric laden cubicles that most of us spend the better part of our uninteresting lives in.

I also think its cute that you can call a Christian a close minded, ignorant fool and everyone joins hands and circles you in abundant mirth, but god forbid you make some wisecrack about gay men and asses… next thing you know, you’re upside down on a cross next to St. Peter. =)

Now me personally… I’ve been known to insult both gay people and Christian people. And Athiest people, and straight people… and… well… you get the idea. Bad humor shouldnt discriminate.

5

Happy Fourth, Duck!! Here’s its a crispy 91 working its way on up to 107 by midday and no one is doing ANYTHING but clinging to their central air for dear life.

God bless Arizona.

6

Malk, could you just clarify the connection between your post and iampunha’s quote - taken out of context it’s a little confusing and difficult to see how it implies that “most of us” are fakes and only out to impress others.

For what it’s worth, I respect you and enjoy your posts. But i think it’s naive to demand that this shouldn’t be a “popularity contest” and to imply that the reason Silo and Satan were banned is because they were unpopular - you’re intelligent enough to know that it’s more complicated than that, surely?

Even if this were the case, in what way are intelligent discussions and a desire to look good in the eyes of others mutually exclusive?

Many people here put a lot of effort into their posts - the well reasoned, thoughtful GDs, the stories in MPSIMS, the helpful GQs and IMHOs. Why did you think this is? Other than the enjoyment got out of the writing itself (which plays no small part, i know) did you think it was pure altruism and joy at knowing you’ve made someone else’s day a bit better? Colour me jaded, but I’d bet a fiver that while it’s partly the joy of writing and altruism, it’s also out of a desire to be well thought-of. And there’s nothing in the world wrong with that. Yes, you can take it too far and become fake, but I believe the vast majority of dopers are rational human beings who are perfectly capable of balancing a desire to be liked (or disliked) with a sense of integrity.

Fran

7

I agree with the idea that posts in other forums should be well thought out and relatively complacent. This place is so cool because it does alot to maintain the peace in most of its forums.

But not this one. This one is for all of those times you were sitting in GD or GQ and thought to yourself… “Boy, I’d really like to tell you what an asshole you are.”

And its really cool that we have a place like that.

hugs the moderators for giving us a place like that

And you’re right. It was out of context. During a rant from Wankuei about how our companys insurance plan doesnt offer domestic partnerships to straight couples who aren’t married… he gave everyone fake names. Our company was called The Gulag, and Gay Joe Schmoe was renamed somethingorother Assmasterson.

This was probably in part because Wank doesnt like Silo much… and because AssMaster is a common reference to people who engage in anal sex.

I cant believe that other people dont insult eachother like this. In fact, I called Wank a buttpirate yesterday and he tried to flip me over and live up to the name.

It saddens me to think that we’re the only people who can laugh at this sort of thing.

Im not gay, so maybe Im missing some crucial point somewhere. (I once thought I was… LONG story… Im trying not to digress anymore than is necessary)
But I’m far from your average upper class straight white male with absolutely no deviance from “the norm”.

I’m a girl. I get shit from my guy friends ALL the time about being a girl. I laugh. Its funny. It’s partially true and partially exaggerated for humors sake… But hey, funny is funny.

I’m fat. And I’ll make fun of myself more than other people would dare make quips at me about it. But ya know… sometimes thats funny too.

People are just too goddamn serious all of the time… walking on these predefined eggshells suited to their cause.

8

I must say I’ve become very cynical of this place lately, I think most of us ARE fakes. I know I’ve been holding back to keep out of certain people’s way.
But isn’t this a human condition in exaggerated form?

— G. Raven

9

“Cute” is not the word I’d use to describe it, although i agree with your basic thought. I actually thought about posting a thread about all the Christian-bashing that goes on here, but didn’t because I knew where it would lead. I still might though.

As to the rest, I think writing is a less perfect medium for communicating a person’s true feeling than face-toface speech. A lot of people don’t know how to communicate as clearly through the written word. it takes a certain amount of thought, tact, and practice to insure that you aren’t misunderstood. Most people don’t have all three. I myself had to learn to modulate my thoughts early on in my Doper existence. I think Coldfire is on the money when he says some people just think the rules don’t apply to them.

Satan and Silo were banned? When did this happen?

10

In the thread you referred to, I posted the following:

…and way before Punha said anything. It was at the end of a post explaining that Domestic Partner insurance is difficult to obtain, and that WanKuei has options that gay people don’t. For the most part, my reply was phrased politely.

Was that being fake? Actually, yes. You see, I noted that WanKuei had referred to you as his girlfriend, and I’ve had some interaction with you before, and have enjoyed your writing and your opinions. So I held back.

What I really wanted to say to the ignorant, bigoted, narrow-minded idiocy was a lot more vulgar, and much more fun. Since this post is all I have to base my opinion of WanKuei on, I would have to conclude that his ignorance is only surpassed by his adolescent indignation.

I am more than capable of laughing at myself, but the joke has to be funny, told with wit and style, and not be a hoary cliche which I have heard all too many times from way too many assholes.

What you saw in that thread was people taking it easy on a newbie. In my case, for your sake.

So, maybe you should tell your now-absent boyfriend that he might want to lurk for a while, get a feel for the boards, do some research on the subjects he’s posting on, and think for a minute before he posts about whether he really wants to offend the people he’s about to offend.

It’s not being fake. It’s called consideration. Also known as not being a jerk.

11

I usually only try not to step on toes unless it’s absolutely “necessary”, whatever that means.

12

I’m not a fake. Ask anyone who knows me, what you see here is what you get IRL. As to what people think…who really cares? Life’s too short to worry about that. I’m a wonderful peron, and you are free to avail yourself of that. If you chose not to…shrug so bit it-your choice, your loss.

13

I’m assuming this refers to this thread.

malkavia, there’s a line between walking on eggshells and being insensitive. Refering to gay people as “butt pirates” or “ass masters” is, to many, pretty rude. Part of making friends with strangers is erring on the side of caution, until you know them.

For example, I don’t walk into a party full of people I don’t know and loudly refer to overweight women as hippos.
And then, once they’re all pissed at me, tell them they need to lighten up. Even if I think being fat is no big deal, I’m not fat, and I don’t know these people. Don’t tell other people what shouldn’t make them mad.

You can, of course, say whatever you want. But, as iampunha said, people may start out thinking of you as an asshole.

14

Well I’ve been called arrogant, slanderous, and a bitch, now I’m a fake? I worked hard to earn those titles and I’ll be damned if I let a pipsqueak like you strip them away!
Nope I’m not fake, I have to admit that I have toned down a bit over the years because my sarcastic method of posting is usually misunderstood, but other than that I’m real. And anybody that actually takes what’s posted in this forum to heart needs to stay out. It’s generally used as a release forum and most of the time once the poster has cooled down he can’t believe that he really posted what he did. Plus it takes a certain pit maturity to gain any respect in this forum and though many try, few people have it.

15

I can assure you that no one with my particular reputation around here would be insane enough to have earned it in any way other than through being my legitimate self.
stoid

16

Pretty much what Weirddave said applies to me. I post like I speak, it’s that simple. Some of what I write, I leave unedited so that the reader can in fact see the train of thought that brought about the final outcome. I haven’t the energy nor inclination to assume false pretense for the sake of popularity. I’ve got friends IRL and IRL on the Board. I’ve met a number of Dopers and I think, if they bother to recall, they’d say the same thing: I’m as much of a smart-ass, enuendo-laden, thoughtful dumbass IRL as I am in my posts. Only taller.

17

Gee, malkavia, it’s kind of difficult for me to ascertain if all Dopers are fake. I think because most of us can’t see/don’t know each other IRL, it’s easier to present ourselves in a manner that is different from how we’d act if we were all face to face. It’s certainly easier to insult people in the Pit, a forum sanctioned just for that purpose, because we won’t have to be accountable for seeing someone cry in front of us or for feeling the physical impact of someone’s fist in our faces. We just have to deal with words and the sentiments they convey, and sometimes those can be much more painful than actual physical contact.

I think regarding the Christian-bashing or homophobe-bashing–I’m not homophobic, but Christians scare the hell out of me because it’s difficult to be rational with them about faith, and I stay as far away from them as possible, if I can help it–I do see a disturbing trend for Dopers to gang up on folks who express “ignorant” views of certain things/groups of people. For example, I remember not too long ago, some dude, Bigguy?, in his first ever post to the Board, wondered how us Dopers could put all our business both intimate and mundane out on the Board. In his profile it said he was dedicated to eliminating internet pornography. Dopers from near and far had a field day with him. His thread began in MPSIMS, but was soon moved to the Pit. Anyway, if I remember correctly, the general tone was to call him “ignorant,” a “troll,” to speculate on his fixation to pornography, and to call for him to be banned. I came away from that thread with two impressions. If this stranger was compelled to post his shock at how open we are with information on all aspects of our lives, then we must not be that fake. Maybe we’re showoffs. We’re certainly a vibrant and creative bunch, but we’re generally not fake. However, I was disturbed by this thread because instead of challenging him to interact respectfully with Dopers and get to know us and expand his horizons, some wanted to ride him out of this MB on a rail. And he probably won’t be back, thereby depriving us of yet one more ignorant soul to educate. Granted, there are some people whom you really can’t help. They don’t know that they don’t know that they are ignorant, and no amount of interaction on this board is going to help them realize this. Fine. However, if this website is dedicated to eradicating ignorance, then it should encourage those folks who have limited/ignorant perspectives on things to come here and expand their horizons, just so long as they come here and don’t act like jerks.

I’d like to think I’m not fake, just an odd combination of silly and serious. Let’s call it “sillious.” :smiley: I don’t post to impress people. I’d get a kick out of it if I actually helped folks with the perspectives I express, but I’m not looking for a fan club or any kind of validation therewith. I do hope to become better acquainted with and perhaps actually befriend more Dopers. I hope I don’t make any enemies, but if I stay on this board long enough, I’m sure I will. When I post, it’s because I’m compelled to respond to an OP because I think I have something to contribute. Sometimes it’s just a question to get more clarification on something. Sometimes I dis/agree with the OP or something some else has posted, or I see another angle to the discussion and I want to clarify what that is. And sometimes I post just because I want to flirt [giggle]. It’s human nature to act in certain ways around certain people. If I’m at work, then I’ll be more serious, but I still retain my sense of humor so I can retain what infinitesimal amount of sanity I have left. Here, I’m just plain sillious.

Have a Happy Fourth! :slight_smile:

18

Pretty much the same in real life, just really really shy.

19

Absoposifuckintivealutely!

If your definition of being fake is posting something to impress other people, then I am without a doubt, one of the biggest fakes out there. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And I’m also real. Go figure.

I type my posts with all the honesty, intelligence, and humor and/or seriousness that I know. And if that makes me a fake because it happens to impress others, then fuckin-A. I’m public faker #1. I happen to know I haven’t impressed anyone so it’s all good.

I learned something a few years ago from a friend of mine when I was posting to another message board. I put up a few, oh…what one may call trollish posts, in a message board that I was a frequent contributor of. My friend, who was also a contributor of that board, asked me why I did it.
The conversation went something like this:
“Why did you do it?”
“I don’t know. I thought it would be funny.”
“No one’s going to respect you anymore.”
“bullshit. They’ll respect what I have to say in other threads because I post intelligently there.”
“But you’ve shown in this thread that you don’t respect them. So why would they respect you now?”
“No one’s going to remember it!”
“They will. Trust me. So now you have to ask yourself, if you want their respect, why are you posting offensive messages? And if you don’t give a shit about how much they respect you, fine. But why are you posting to the message board then?”

Took me awhile to get it. But he was right. And I decided that I really didn’t give a shit what those particular people thought of me. So I stopped posting.
And I do care what this community thinks about me. And so I decide not to purposely inflame them with potentially obnoixious and insulting comments.

Take from that what you will, malkavia. But I notice that, for good or bad, WanKuei hasn’t been back to his thread since the OP.

20

I am not fake. 100% non holographic image here.

Otherwise saying you are fake is like saying you have no life. Its other people judging my actions by their standards. I think that not offending other people is a good thing.