And I mean you…DON BAYLOR
What the fuck people? I MEAN REALLY. WHAT THE LIVING FUCK? Is it true that I shall never live to see the Cubs field a goddamn decent team for two consecutive games?
OF COURSE Kyle Farnsworth’s foot fell off walking out of the bullpen. That’s just…OF COURSE.
Jeff Fassero is in the dugout regailing us with tales of how when he was younger he’d tie an onion to his belt 'cause that was the style at the time.
Flash Gordon…wow. Flashing his way into oblivion.
And Kerry. KERRY. God you know I love you. I love you in the way only a woman can love a scraggly texan. But good jesus lord my man. Every fucking day it’s something new! My shoulder hurts, I chewed my nails too short…my elbow is killing me, I have a blister…MY VAGINA HURTS. If the choice is YOU or Glass Joe from Mike Tyson Punch out…I’m gonna be up late worrying about it.
Moises Alou! Hey, welcome to town. How the hospitals treatin’ ya? The physical therapy offices? The restaurants? Bars? hookers? THE FUCKING BANK? You should stop by Wrigley Field some time if you feel up to it, you fucking cockfuck.
Psst…joe girardi…I’ve got a little secret for you. YOU’RE ALLOWED TO HIT THE BALL OUT OF THE INFIELD. Just thought you might want to sock that info away.
I won’t abandon you…and that’s the hell of it. You know I won’t. You know I’ll be there, watching, listening, attending EVERY FUCKING GAME. But let me tell you something…NOT ALL OF YOUR FANS ARE MASOCHISTS.
jesus christ…all this for a fucking goat.
j