Are You A Poet? Then Show It! 2-Electric Boogaloo

Cafe Society
1

Back at the turn of the century ( or thereabouts) I started a contest to determine who was the best poet of the SDMB: Are You A Poet? Then Show It! - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board
It has been about 22 and 1/2 years and time to crown a new SDMB Poet Lariat :smile:

Here, slightly modified is the original invite.

*I’m searching high, I’m searching low
For the Bestest Poet of the IMHO
Be it happy or sad, verbose or terse
I invite y’all to send in your verse

You can post in the form of a limerick
If you’ve got some original schtick
But if you put in a bucket
Or a girl from Nantucket
You’re chances of winning ain’t slick

Haiku can be used
Poetry touching the heart
Dreams of pulp and ink

So send in your best effort, and let loose your muse
All poems will be welcomed and none will I refuse

[I ask only that it be original verse To avoid nasty letters, or lawsuits, or worse*

In about a month we will vote on the winner.

2

I wanna be poet laureate of the SD.

Let me study on this.:thinking:

3

I always wanted to start a Japanese style “Haikai No Renga” for all to participatr in renku". “Earthy”, snd even witty and vulgar chain Japanese poetry. Like graffiti poetry. One experience and line with nature extrapolating into the next… haiku like, but linked. Should I open here, or in my own OP?

4

Post here please, and you’ll be the first!
From what you’ve described, it won’t be the worst.

5

I’ve heard of a young man from Nantucket, but a girl? :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

What would her distinguishing feature be?

6

I’ve written exactly one I’m happy with, so here it is!

It has a 6/5 syllables per line structure, which even I find takes a little getting used to when reciting it. But it seems to work to me.

Little creatures

Small ones of the rock pool
Short is your time here
My second is your day
My day is your year

You long for the tide’s turn
To bring all you need
Its advent is your spring
A spring tide indeed

Oh how must you feel fear
Each time it does wane
Drawn off by some fierce force
To be others’ gain

Not your turn but now theirs
Is that not fair play?
Just a few more of them
Then done is your day

Our life is but one tide
That comes in full flood
We feast of its bounty
From sapling to bud

We live as though that is
Our permanent state
Take all that’s on offer
Until it’s too late

Our tide starts to recede
Right under our nose
Heads now above water
As quietly it goes

Skin wrinkled and prunish
From bathing too much
Our strength it is failing
No water as crutch

So you of the rock pool
Take this as your crumb
Possess you of patience -
A new tide will come

While we who stand watching
We will see but one
One wax and one waning
And then we are done.

7

There was a young girl from Nantucket
Couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket
She was totally tone-deaf
Knew not treble or bass clef
“Hey, how 'bout a song?” “No, I’ll duck it.”

ETA: In response to @terentii .

8

Never count the years
When a memory arrives
Of too much alcohol
Too much flirting
Too short a skirt
And a night of fun

Never count the years
When a memory arrives
Of late night chats
Ideas shared between friends
Writing your otherself
In a shared world

Never count the years
When a memory arrives
Of a surprise knock that
Reveals a friend in surprise
Someone who is gone
12 months later

Never count the years
When a memory arrives
Of a necklace
Broken in three parts
And a forever that
Time pulled apart

Never count the years
On the memories, good and bad
That define part of you
They will always appear
To be closer in the mirror
Than they are in reality

(I’ve been trying to write a poem a day for a full year. This is one I wrote back in January. )

9

Ok, then Haikai no Renga… my only distinctions, or requirements, or loose rules, is that it should have a etandard haiku 5-7-5 sylabbary or syllabus. 4-6-4 is also acceptable. It also has to have a jacket of season. Meld into the other with wit and panache. I will start:

Rain and Cold, sog seat.
First Day of Landscaping Mows,
Dog is going deaf.

10

Is this a “one poem per person” contest?

11

Hi!
Bye!

12

Multiple poems are welcome, but only one per post.

13

It’s been a long time since I’ve tried, and I was tempted, but the best poet on the Dope today doesn’t even know she’s a poet.

Consider the following verse by our own Beckdawrek:

Bad, bad, bad: I Did It Again

So …
Here goes nothing.
I wander around the webz looking for freebies. Free samples. Free subscriptions. Free books. Free snacks. Free socks. (Yay!, toddler socks will soon be needed)

I get something nearly everyday at this point. It’s getting ridiculous.
I got chip clips today. Nice!!

Well the other day I got something labeled ‘airline cup’
No instructions. It has a USB cable.
Hmmm? Why does a cup need USB hook up?
It’s shaped like a drinking cup. Has a top.
I tug around on it. It opens.
Oh, my. You can’t put a drink in that. I don’t think.

Omg! It’s not a cup at all.:open_mouth:
The insides are pink and fleshy looking.
Oh shit.
I know what this is*. I cannot believe I got it for free. Did I get it free?
I may have clicked something untoward.
I have a card attached to my Google acct.
I better look.
There in all it’s glory is my ‘airline cup’, costing me $39.91.
From a company called ‘Jianghx, Well fitting clothing ’
This ain’t no freakin’ clothes I’ve ever seen.

I’m getting a refund. I look them up and find a customer service number.

I get someone on the phone and ask for a refund. I give him the item number, my name and stuff. He clicks away and says “Oh” and asked if it is damaged or not working, wrong size and could I give him an idea why I don’t want/or need it.
Duh? Imma girl, ordered it by mistake or size?
I choose size. I said it’s “Too small”
I swear he laughed out loud.

He says he’ll send me a return package and a mailing label. Then ‘crickets’
I asked 3 times “Are you there?”
Maybe 2 minutes go by (I’m getting my refund, I stay with the call) and finally he says “Sorry, I consulted my Lead. We don’t accept returns on ‘airline cups’ I think you’ll be happy to know we’ll provide a full refund.” I laughed out loud.
“Do you want a refund to your card or would you like an e-gift card?”
For a brief moment I considered an e-gift card. Wondering about a Well fitting clothing company selling ‘airline cups’ like this and what else they may have.

No, no, refund my card I tell him.

It begs the question, how dumb do I have to be to accidentally order this?
I don’t need contact with the outside world, clearly. :saluting_face:

BTW

My card was refunded.

Other free verse gems abound by her in MPSIMS. Just look under threads starting with “Bad, Bad, Bad”.

This stuff is gold.

14

Poke

He picked up the universe,
Gave it a poke.
The universe cried,
“Is this some kind of joke?”

The scientist said,
“It’s just something we do:
To poke until poking
Reveals what is true.”

The universe laughed
With a voice full of rue:
“How funny - I’m doing
The same thing to you.”

15

I posted one some years ago about our cat knocking something off the kitchen counter, but I can’t find it now.

16

The works of Ed Zotti
Were worth every zloty
When writing some scat
About Schrödinger’s cat
But he’s kind of a challenger
To old J.D.Salinger
Reclusive
Seclusive
Though not much wrong with that

Sure, sharing the spotlight
With Cecil is alright
But it bruises the ego
To be the placebo
And it’s tricky, I reckon
To be the vade mecum
Applauded
Unlauded
Itching like impetigo

But his book had its spine held
By some sideshow on Seinfeld
And it’s wisdom and wit
Has survived quite a bit
So which glory is greater?
We’re still here years later
Still teeming
Daydreaming
Writing poems and sh*t.

17

If I reached up and took
A piece of moon
To give to you,
The moon would be
A little smaller,
And there would be a piece that no-one else could see.

If you kept it in your pocket
You would always know
Just where it was.
I could look into the sky
And see the rest,
And know that, too,
Like I know you.

18

When I don’t know what
To write, I turn to silly
Haiku like this one

19

George Washington by Happy Lendervedder
Our nation’s father, a father of none.
He married Martha, with a daughter and son.
He wore a wig, all powdered white,
And took it off for bed at night.

20

When nightfall cools the desert sands
And shadows fill the summer sky
Lethargic lilts of lullabies
Stream softly through the holy lands
And calm the caravan to rest.

A secret moon, half-seen, half-guessed
Gives feeble light at end of day
Its heart a million miles away.
Like you. How can its languid stare
Look down on Montréal, and find you there?

Sepulchral dunes, dry, dark and deep
Frame figures full of fitful sleep
Who half-remember jungle streams
Those lush lagoons adorning dreams
To freshen sun-scorched skin anew.

But I can only dream of you.
I loved you when demure and deft
I love you now there’s little left
I loved you through the grace and grime
Will love you through the end of time.

Drunk on l’amour, et les eaux fraîches
Eschewing food, but tasting flesh
Sweet spellcraft shrouding summer swoons.
Still echoes there in ancient tunes.
There’s magic in the midnight moon.