A few people seem to have gotten the mistaken impression that this is a “feminists bashing non-feminists” kind of thing. Nothing could be further from the truth! No one said anything about hating women, or women being [insert strong negative adjective here] if they aren’t [insert another adjective here]. (Or about you being a lesbian if you like women – what’s up with all the specific denials of lesbianism? It never even ocurred to me one way or the other, frankly.) And I’m sure that the women who love shopping, romance novels, and the latest hideous fashions (come on, be honest, look at yourself in the mirror without thinking “but it’s up-to-the-minute fashion!” and ask yourself if you are dressed like a clown) are just as real and, in their way, multi-dimensional as those who don’t, with their own hopes and fears and sorrows. The point is simply that I can’t work up much enthusiasm for spending recreational time trying to have fun with them, or spending my free time trying to get to know them better, because we just don’t seem to have much in common. (Anyone else remember the Bloom County cartoon when Opus is getting married to Lola Granola and two other characters, probably Milo and Binkley, are reflecting on the wonder and horror of it? One of them comments that they must have something in common, and the other replies, “Well, they’re both carbon-based forms of life, I suppose that’s something.” 
) Most of the stuff I find fun and interesting, a majority of women don’t, and vice versa. I don’t think that’s stereotyping, just an accurate observation. (I said “majority”, not “all”.) I know there are other female MST3K fans out there; I’ve just never met one myself. pugluvr originally commented in the other thread something to the effect that she (and I) didn’t often run other women who had much in common with us, as our style runs to the less traditionally female. I don’t find a lot of clothes in the store I really like either, because my taste in clothing runs to the…well, not what seems to be popular these days, anyway. Nothing wrong with baby showers and shopping if that’s what you’re into…I’m just not, and never will be.
As far as being judgemental, well, I think I’m one of the least judgemental people on the planet, and I always see twelve sides to everything, even when I wish I didn’t. I’m the one who is always inclined to think that that driver who cut me off may have been distracted by thoughts of a loved one who is ill or blinded by tears caused by a cruel lover, instead of that the driver is just an inconsiderate, inbred asshole out to further cramp my day. But there’s a difference between judgemental (by my definition, sizing someone up and condemning or condoning them, or making some broad inference, based on a snap reaction or the slimmest of evidence) and exercising normal judgement. The former is an acquired attitude, the latter is built into us as a species, since a creature without the ability to make a measured assessment of the situation or fellow creature before them would not last long. When I’m on the street alone at night, I make a “judgement” of those around me constantly so that I can measure whether I think I am in danger or I am safe and act accordingly. That doesn’t mean I’m passing judgement on the inherent worth of the people around me like some holier-than-thou extremist, just that I have normal perceptive and analytical skill, combined with the self-interest that is part of self-preservation. On a milder but equivalent level, when I hear my co-workers discussing that perfectly darling fashion show they went to at the mall and how one of them will just die if she can’t get that red dress in teal and how another will castrate her husband tonight if he refuses to buy her that leather coat, I’m not judging them to be evil or inferior humans when I conclude that I probably don’t have much to share or enjoy with people whose attitudes and priorities are so radically different from mine. There are only so many minutes in a day, and I have few enough free as it is, so I don’t feel like wasting any more than necessary approaching everyone indiscriminately on the grounds that eventually I’m bound to run into somebody I have something in common with. A million monkeys, a million typewriters, a million years, etc, but since I don’t have a million years, wouldn’t it make more sense for me to screen the monkeys beforehand and narrow the field to more likely candidates (so to speak)? As mentioned before, it’s not about superiority or any such thing, just about common ground - I’m sure those gals I overheard talking about the fashion show don’t want to waste their time being bored by the things that interest me either.
Mishell, glad to hear I’m not the only one who is instinctively disliked by babies and children, no matter how good my intentions. They told me twenty years ago, with knowing smiles, “Just wait till you get a little older, you’ll change your mind and want babies of your own.” Hasn’t happened yet. Ain’t going to, I’m pretty sure. And I had almost the identical experience with my nephew as an infant, except for ending up in the bathroom (too afraid to leave him after a solid hour of screaming). Even as a teenager, I was no good as a babysitter and avoided it whenever possible.
Mully, if your wife and I were in the same room of women, at least we could talk to each other about how we can’t find much to talk about with everyone else, so we just smile in a slightly strained way and wonder how long till we can leave politely and go do something fun.
And pugluvr, yes, I get those smarmy emails fairly regularly from one well-intentioned but misguided friend. I’ve tried to send a gentle signal by my lack of response or enthusiasm, as I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but so far it doesn’t seem to have made any impression. So I just roll eyes and delete…
Perhaps a more accurate thread title would be “Are you a women who finds relatively few women who are enough like you to want to relate to?”
