I was out getting inebriated with one of my best friends this evening, and along the way he was talking about his current successes in the field of romance compared to his previous failures.
Now, this is a guy who is 28 (5 years my junior) and is better looking than I can ever hope to be. This is not a request for pity, it’s just a simple acknowledgement of fact. I’m fine with that, and happy for him.
But it made me realize that I, now, at 33 years old, am about as good-looking as I’m ever going to get. I’m at the right body weight for me, I’m graying in mostly the right places, and I’ve “ripened” without completely going to seed. This is somewhat unsettling, as it means I need to start doing something with it, but it’s not completely dismal. It just means that if anything’s going to happen, it’s going to happen right about now.
So the question goes out to the Dopers: are you at your prime? Past it? Still waiting for it? Or do you believe the concept is completely invalid, and you just keep getting better?
The concept is invalid. What exactly are you defining “prime” as? Looks alone? Well, that’s really shallow, I think. We’re all going to lose them, I’m afraid. It’s inevitable.
Growing up, I’ve learned wisdom, experience, knowledge of the world. I’ve made a lot of acquaintances and a few really good friends. I found a guy who loves me. And this is just in my first 28 years.
Who knows what’s going to happen in my next 28? It’ll be an adventure, that’s for sure. While I’m in the lighted room, every minute is my “prime”. Once I go back into the dark, there’s nothing left, I think…so this is it.
I think the concept is mostly invalid. Physically, I suppose I’m doing alright. At 105, I’m a bit heavier than I prefer. But I’m working out for the first time since high school, so that’s a plus. I’m smarter than I was a couple decades ago. I’ve found some peace in my life after years and years of internal chaos.
I saw a program the other night. It is possible to slow the aging process through diet, exercise, and stress reduction. A 60 year old today is comparable to yesterday’s 45 year old. Medications can ease or prevent some of the ailments that were once nearly universal among the retired set.
In a nutshell, “prime” means different things to different people at different times in their lives. It’s all relative. You need to look at the whole picture; not just the receding hairline or the beer belly or the less-than-porceline complexion. We are complicated beings and all aspects of the self must be accounted for.
The idea that there’s one peak in your life is mostly a myth. I am in way better shape than I was ten years ago, know more and have a much healthier outlook to boot. Most people never hit their potential at any age–if that’s really a meaningful goal to you there’s nothing out there that’s really keeping you from excelling when you’re 40, as opposed to 30. Seriously, there’s people out there who, at seventy, can run laps around me now mentally and physically. No reason I can’t be one of them, too, with sufficient work.
I hit my prime right around the age of 30. Most of it through my own doing. Around age 28 I started realizing I couldn’t eat everything I wanted and never exercise, plus it was really hard to find dates when you have a nice pot belly and no upper body, and I mean “no” dates.
I started a strict diet/weight training/cardio plan and within a year was at my physical prime. I suddenly had more self esteem and the girls just seemed to appear. There was a time when I was dating 4 girls at once in 3 different states.
6’1" 195lbs. 32" waist.
Then I got really attached to one, got married, gave up the diet, and quit working out. 4 years later and I was 6’1" 238lbs. 38" waist. I finally had enough and decided to try to get back to my “prime” again about 3 months ago. I’ve since gotten down to 219lbs. and 35" waist. I’m determined that by my 35th birthday (february) I will be back in my “prime”.
It does keep on getting better - to a point. The answer to your question is different for each of us.
In terms of being “good looking”, it seems to me that men often become better looking as they age. One exception seems to be guys that are awfully good looking as teens tend to look like aging babies rather than men in their forties.
Personally, I’m just past my physical prime. At 62, I don’t have the stamina I once had. Mentally and intellectually, I’m still in my prime, I think. So far my best decade was my 50’s.
I have big plans for the rest of my life and I think that makes a big difference. IMHO, the prime of your life is whenever you think it is.
Every day is my prime. I was cute, but callow in my 20s; I travelled the world in my 30s; I’m muscled, young-looking (thanks for the genes, Mom & Dad!) and settled in my 40s, and I intend to be a hot-looking muscle daddy in my 50s. I’m a big believer in self-improvement and striving to better one’s circumstances. A quote I live by is, “Either get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’.”
And you, my dear Sol Grundyare far too adorable to be down on yourself this way. “Now, this is a guy who is 28 (5 years my junior) and is better looking than I can ever hope to be”–whatEVER! Everyone is hot to someone else, and there is no objective standard of beauty to which you must measure up. I’m a good-looking guy and I’d do you ten ways from Sunday were I not attached. I’m talking back rubs, foot rubs, slow kissing, the works.
Nonsense. You’re not a gallon of milk that must be disposed of before its “sell-by” date. Eat right, work out (and I cannot sufficiently stress the importance of regular gym time), and do interesting things that you find entertaining. Being happy with your looks and your life is key to attracting other people. Take care of your body and your mind, and the boys will come a-flockin’ into your old age. Please, you’re 30 fucking 3! That’s young! I’m 43, and I get checked out all the time.
I know it sounds weird, but I’m extremely fine-boned. Until the last few years, I never…except for pregnant…weighed over 100 lbs. I used to have a very flat, trim tummy and no “extra ass” sitting above my waistband. Well, menopause kicked in and this is no longer the case. I really miss my old tummy.
And to reinforce what Gobear said, the workout routine has to become just that – a routine. Like brushing your teeth. If you make it part of your life instead of a “project”, you’ll be stronger, healthier, more coordinated, have more bone mass, and you’ll look faaaaabulous! I’m at just under 1 year for my work out, and I know that I look better for it. Even though my tummy isn’t exactly where I’d like it to be, my arms and shoulders look better and I’m not such a weakling anymore. The sooner you start, the better you’ll feel (and look!).
I’m with you on this SolGrundy. Last year when I turned 25 I realized that the next 5 or so years will, physically, be my prime. I think this is the prime time because I’m young enough to get checked out both by younger, college-age guys and by older guys. I think past, say 30, the younger crowd doesn’t show as much interest (not that I’d want it, but it’s nice to have it right now).
I agree that your prime is what you want it to be and obviously it’s more than just the physical part, but as far as just turning heads, at least for me, I think it’s now and I’m taking advantage of it. I started wearing clingier clothes and got a bikini for the first time and basically decided to live it up. I say if you think this is your prime, SolGrundy, enjoy it!
I, too, am 33 years old. Single, straight, female, yadda yadda yadda.
In some ways I do feel that I’m in my prime, that life has never been better: I like my age (I’m still young but not very young); I rent a townhouse that I like and own a new-ish car that I like (I haven’t been happy with both my home and my vehicle since '94); I enjoy my job and do it well; I’ve just started graduate school and am psyched about it; I’m mostly healthy; I make a decent salary; I have good friends; I’m adored by the coolest 3-year-old in the world; I have time for outside interests; etc.
On the other hand, though, I know there is still some really good stuff to come: I am determined to lose weight, and maybe even – :eek: – get in shape; I hope to fall in love with someone who loves me back; I’d like to own a home someday; and so on.
So, while I don’t believe that the concept is invalid, I don’t quite know where I stand in relation to it. Maybe I’m at my semi-prime?
Interesting responses! And with the OP, anyway, I was just being shallow and talking about physical appearance – I guess I just always assume that in terms of personality and knowledge, everybody is always getting better and you don’t hit a peak. I sure don’t feel like I’m getting stupider or more mean and petty.
But it’s interesting how everybody interprets the question “Are you at your prime?”
Heh, I definitely appreciate the encouragement (especially when the encouragement mentions slow kissing and foot rubs!), but I really didn’t mean it as self-deprecating as it may have sounded. In fact, that was kind of the point of this somewhat shallow thread – talking to a friend, I realized that sometime along the way I’ve grown past the point of being petty and jealous of the “beautiful people” and feeling as if they get everything handed to them. And I realized that for the first time, I’m actually comfortable with the way I look – not down on it, and not arrogant and all “hey, check me out!”, but just “here’s what I got, it’s as good as it’s ever been, and it’s not all that bad.”
(And for the record, the guy in question is as close to objective standard of beauty as you can get. Straight, and I love him like a brother so there’s no romance there, and he’s not really my “type,” so there’s no attraction from me, but it’s uncanny to go out and see how people just flock to him.)
