I happened upon the movie Crossroads (starring those 80s powerhouses Ralph Macchio and Jami Gertz) the other night and accidentally found myself watching it. No, I cannot explain this. That’s not the point. If you haven’t seen the movie (and if you haven’t – where have you been? It’s got Ralph Macchio! Ralph Macchio I say! The greatest geeky man/boy actor since Chris Makepeace) the plot is: hotshot good kid guitarist (Macchio) battles the devil’s hotshot guitarist (former Zappa-mate Steve Vai) for the soul of Joe Seneca. Pretty decent, if goofy, movie. But I digress.
My question to the teeming millions is this: Is there anything you do so well that you would be able to challenge the devil (or one of his lackeys) to save someone’s soul? I examined the talents I posess and found myself lacking. I could maybe whip him head to head in Gran Turismo on the Playstation, but don’t ask me to out-guitar, out-dance, out-drink (anymore), or out-do him on anything else for someone’s soul.
So how about it? If you had to fight for my soul, what could you do for me?
Heck, if I’m dueling him for YOUR soul, I’d be up for just about anything. Candle-dipping, crap shooting, arm wrassling, tap dancing, cribbage, charcoal-sketching…
How about fiddlin’?
Wait, this end goes under my chin, right? What notes are these strings tuned to, again?
Okay, for Bottle of Smoke’s eternal soul, my first number will be that old Johnny Cash favorite, “Ring of Fire!”
The sit down version of the 80’s arcade game Star Wars. My highest score was 48million and this was only coz the place had to close. God I was good at that game. Helped a guy get the highest score in the world on it ( 3 days playing). It was witnessed by Atari. Then some American punks played it for a week. :rolleyes: Just didn’t have it in me to do it again. But now as part of a battle with Satan I’d whoop his big red ass. Use the force, Luke.
I wouldn’t want the fate of your soul to depend on my Scrabble-playing abilities just now. Satan is kicking my ass.
However, I could mount a speed-reading challenge. You know, give each of us a really long book and a weekend in which to finish it, whoever finishes first (and can prove comprehension) wins.
Sit me and Old Scratch down at the table with a bottle of Jim Beam, and a stack of boolean logic equations. Face us off one quation at a time. Last one finished has to take a shot.
I’d put the Devil on his ass, and bang his wife while he was passed out.
If we’re counting video games, Bloody Roar and Counterstrike (while drunk; it seems to improve performance) are it. If not, then I’d have a shot with a foil bout (hoping that the devil doesn’t fence very well…I mean, c’mon, why on earth would he practice that?). Failing all that, I’d have to go with solving/approximating wave functions for quantum mechanical systems. * Nobody * really understands that, so at least we’d be on equal footing
(Forgive me if this is double posted. My browser crapped out)
Jack – Sorry, didn’t mean to imply I was excluding video games. Go with your strenghts, says I. (aside – How is Tony Hawk 2? I’ve heard good things but I haven’t been able to rent it yet…is it a keeper?)
Ike – I’m scratching you off my phone-a-friend list.
Best game out there at the moment, IMHO. If you liked THPS 1 you’ll freakin’ love the sequel. More levels - more objectives - more moves - more characters - more cheats - the key word here is more. It took me a week to beat the game without cheating, with one character. The more characters you win with, the more cheats you open. But of course I have secured the much coveted “master cheat” code for just goofing around.
And now back to our regularly scheduled program. . .
