Are You Hearing Voices?

Inspired by I’d like to start a thread where people can post things they hear. This could be a conversation you’ve had recently, or heard recently - or a snippit of a conversation, or sentence you’ve over heard. It could be funny, odd, classic, disturbing, etc. I’m unusually amused by these type of things. So put on your eavesdropping hat and get to work.

Bossman: Whatcha got there?

Me: Coffee

Bossman: Uhhhhhh… from the coffee maker?

Me: Um… Yes?

Bossman: You know I made that at 6:30 this morning…

Me: Hey, with a little cream and splenda - my own pee would taste good.

Boassman: You’re discusting.

Intriguing idea…

Ok, I just tuned in to the phone conversation of The Girl Who Does No Work. I’m guessing she’s currently chit-chatting with a friend (big shocker):

“I think they send it back to the manufacturer, who then proceeds to break it further before sending it back to you.”

“…let me tell ya, those guys really spent too much time under water sniffin’ seaweed…”

One woman to other: " . . . thank goodness I’m usually unconscious when it happens!"

Overheard while comming out of the Pharmacy at Wal-Mart.

Two teenaged girls walk by…

First Girl: “Did you put yours in your butt?”

Second Girl: “Heh, yeah.”

Well, this one happened a few weeks ago, at the Woodland Park Zoo, but it’s a pretty good one:

(Hubby and I are in the night exhibit looking at the armadillo running around in it’s habitat. The night exhibit is extremely dark with very little lighting, and you must step softly and speak only in whispers, so as not to disturb the animals in the exhibit (though some people just never learn - grr… but that’s a thread for another day). Enter quietly a mother with her toddler daughter, who stand beside us and look into the same display).

(Both whispering):

Daughter: “What’s that, Mommy?”

Mommy: “That’s a bat, sweetie.”

(the armadillo runs by, directly in front of us all, and starts running his little route - through the log, loop around and run back by us at the window - again and again and again)

Daughter (delighted): “Oh, Mommy! What is that [animal]?”

Mommy (glancing around at the top of the display, looking for a description or picture that matches the armadillo): “That’s a… um… that’ssss… a…” leans forward and looks closely at the armadillo “That’s a monkey.”

Hubby and I shuffled discreetly out, and when we hit the daylight and our eyes adjusted, looked at each other and realised we both had red cheeks and tears in our eyes from holding back the laughter. I mean, I understand taking a WAG at something you don’t know, but a monkey for an armadillo? I’d have tried maybe hedgehog or something first. Monkey. I love it. Now everytime hubby or I see a monkey, we call it an armadillo.

My boss looking at a mis-printed job:

“If I’d’a oughta saw that, it wouldn’t’a oughta ran.”

I rest my case.

Overheard from next door: a conversation among our obnoxious, gang-banger neighbors.

GB#1: So I got an extra $400 and I asked Maria (his live-in girlfriend) if I should spend it fixing the car’s leaking gas tank or having it lowered.

GB#2: Your car’s already lowered.

GB#1: Yeah, but I want to lower it some more.

Just now, in the hallway here at work:

*Girl #1: “…tries something like that again, he’s going to wake up to find it anally inserted.”

Girl #2: “Keep your voice down! That guy right there probably heard that!”*

Sure did. He posted it on the internet, too.

“…he said he called and some gal told him she could enlarge it, and you’re the only gal I see here.”