I’m not - I’d be utterly uninterested, but I wouldn’t necessarily be insulted, depending on just how insultingly it was phrased I suppose*. I’m sure superficially I could be cleaned up a fair bit with fancier clothes and a stylish haircut. I just don’t give a shit and would never keep up with that kind of fundamental change. I’m pretty happy where I’m at.
But sure I could see many people being insulted. Many others seem to be grateful. Takes all kinds.
“You’re a walking wreck and your place looks like shit. We think these guys are your last hope to be a presentable member of society” = not so good.
“Wouldn’t you be interested in a makeover with some new clothes, furniture, cooking lessons and hair style? I think it might work out great for you!” = meh, not interested but thanks for asking.
Why, though? Because your friend is admitting that they think some things about your personal style might be capable of improvement? Because your friend is embarrassing you by outing you to a TV producer as a schlub in need of style help? Because a suggestion that you might benefit from a makeover is tantamount to attacking your worth as a person? What exactly is so insulting about the mere suggestion “hey, have you ever thought about going on Queer Eye?”?
You’re getting a lot of pushback on this because most other posters, ISTM, would not have anywhere near such a drastic reaction to such a suggestion, certainly not on the order of “how insulted and humiliated I would be […] I would be very tempted to find a different job in a different city, as well as a new group of friends. (All the more so because of how awkward it would be for them to know I refused.) Maybe I would secretly get a new look before arriving at that new city, but I certainly would not let the people who called up QE have the satisfaction of knowing I did so!” Yeesh, dude. What’s the problem with just shrugging and saying “Nah, can’t be bothered”?
Maybe the pushback is starting, but before the post you responded to I actually did not see a lot of pushback because most of the posts were about an only tangentially related subject of how these shows are made.
As for your first three questions: yes; yes; and that is snarky hyperbole. Someone does not have to attack my worth as a person to be very insulting.
I wonder if you watched the episode I specifically referenced. When this music teacher was in the same room with the Fab Five, she was treated pretty gingerly, but in a blatantly patronizing manner. When she was out of the room, there was all kinds of facepalming about her “mullet” (long hair and bangs, not the most attractive hairstyle but not a true mullet in my opinion) and her clothing choices – not just that they were ugly, but that she bought them late at night on a home shopping network.
So she gets the new clothes and the new hairstyle and everyone applauds for her and says she looks great. Awesome sauce. Except that it’s still hanging in the air that she was judged by friends, colleagues, and students to be a clueless fashion disaster who needed an intervention to be saved from having everyone cringe/laugh at her behind her back. No agency of her own.
If you don’t see how that is insulting and humiliating, I don’t know what else I can say to explain it to you.
Now, what to do if someone you care about is in fact cluelessly making themselves a bit of a laughingstock, and you want to save them from this oblivious status? That’s tricky, but you could invite them to go with you to go get a new look at the hair salon (and you have to change your own as well to provide cover). And “hey, let’s go have a fun shopping day downtown” hopefully takes care of the clothes. I am arguing for diplomacy, tact, kindness — and you are providing “pushback”. :dubious:
When I started posting on the SDMB and AFCA in the late ‘90s, Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners, was greatly revered among Cecil fans. I don’t know how many people still remember her, but she was awesome—and I am pretty sure she would agree with me.
If I were asked to be on a makeover show, I would insist on one thing - no hair coloring. Fuck that shit. It’s a plot by stylists to rack up higher bills and more frequent visits.
I see two separate parts to your question, Slacker, and I don’t think they’re related to each other:
Would you be insulted if a friend suggested going on the show?
Would you be insulted if you went on the show and were treated disrespectfully?
I think you’re getting push-back regarding 1) because there are plenty of diplomatic ways a friend could get the ball rolling:
Have you ever thought of being on reality tv? A game show like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy? Or maybe something physical like The Amazing Race or American Ninja Warrior? What about one of those cooking shows, or a makeover show like Queer Eye? A dating show? Not like a skeezy Love Island or whatever, but like a Love Connection type dating show?
Would that conversation really offend you? Because that’s the kind of thing I think people are thinking of when reading your OP. The part about the show treating you badly is a whole different matter, which I didn’t get from the OP at all.
I’m pretty much with Slacker on this one. I would feel insulted if a friend or family member suggested to me that I consider a Queer Eye makeover or equivalent.
I’m learning to be more open to criticism in various realms of my life, and to genuinely appreciate advice for self-improvement. I know I need to get better at how I present myself to others sometimes — don’t be too long-winded, or overly excited, and don’t talk about myself so much (actually, I’ve gotten better at that) — but things like clothes, hairstyle (ha!), home decor? No way I’m making any serious changes. This is who I am, and there’s nothing wrong with it anyway!
Actually, none of this applies to me, because the Queer Eye type things are jointly chosen with my wife — and when I stray, she’s my worst critic. That’s why I agree with Slacker. The Quuer Eye episode he described, about the woman with the “mullet,” reminded me of my wife harshly criticizing my occasional dancing. Maybe she could kindly suggest some improvements, but the insults are unnecessary.
Yes, I saw that episode. But I didn’t feel like anyone was laughing at her, either before or after the makeover. There was tons of stuff about what an awesome teacher she was, and she was going to be Grand Marshall of some parade or other, so they did the makeover for her sort of in honor of the occasion. Didn’t one of the QE5, the hairdresser with the handle bar mustache and the long hair and beard, go to that high school? Maybe I am conflating it with a different episode.
The point is, if I were the one getting the makeover, I don’t think I would be any more insulted than the teacher was, or most of the other subjects seem to be. Because -
[ul][li]I am a clueless fashion disaster, and I know it as well as anyone else. I know it, my wife knows it, my friends know it, my co-workers know it, and especially my daughter the Fashion Maven knows it.[/li]
I once needed dress pants, and I went out and bought some. Bow ties were on sale. I always wanted a bow tie, so I bought one. I came home and showed off my new purchases to my wife and daughter. My daughter turned to my wife and said, “See what happens when we let daddy go shopping by himself?”
She wasn’t being mean - that I am a clueless fashion disaster is plain to any objective observer.[/ul]
[ul][li]Much of the reason behind my being a clueless fashion disaster is that clothes and a sense of style are not, to say the least, very important to me. My clothes are clean, there are no obvious holes in them, my socks match - I rest content. All the rules about “you can’t wear brown and blue together” and “you can’t wear a striped shirt with a patterned tie” and so forth that my daughter knows like Billy Graham knows the New Testament is completely over my head. But that’s OK - when my daughter says “daddy, you are NOT leaving the house dressed like that”, it doesn’t hurt my self-image at all. Criticizing my fashion choices is like criticizing a moose for not knowing how to play chess. Moose aren’t expected to know chess, and I am not expected to know that both socks being inside-out does not count as “matching”.[/ul][/li]I am used, in other words, to accepting arguments from authority about what clothes to wear. So it doesn’t upset me, nor would it if it came from five gay guys with a much larger clothing budget than I am used to spending at Wal-Mart.
YMMV. As long as you are not incurring the mileage while wearing the purple T-shirt I have been wearing since the Clinton administration, green camouflage pants, and black Velcro-strapped sneakers, you’re golden.
I used to watch that show a lot several years ago (until I realized every episode was pretty much exactly the same). The thing that used to bug me about it was how the hosts didn’t seem to take the makeover “victim”'s preferences into consideration.
For example, take me. I’m pretty much a fashion disaster (I mostly wear jeans and nerdy black T-shirts). I wouldn’t mind some help with style, but only if they respected the fact that I’m not looking for a feminine aesthetic. No “pizza toes,” no high heels, no dresses. If they could teach me to do a nice menswear look, I’d be all over it. But I watched other non-feminine women on the show and the hosts always seemed to bully them into trying out bright colors, tight skirts, pointy shoes, and other girly stuff. The victims seemed grudgingly happy at the end, but I always wondered if that was just for the camera.
So yeah, I’d like a Queer Eye or WNTW makeover, but only with certain assurances in place that I’d end up looking like a better version of me, not some dolled-up imitation that fits somebody else’s idea of who I am.
I would assume that there are people who quit the show part of the way though if they don’t like the way they are treated. Also in some cases the people clearly know what the show is about so they know what they are in for - the style of clothes/hair/makeup etc. for example In other cases they don’t know or have not seen the show - more likely if it’s a new show.
No sane production company would allow a potentially embarrassing gay surprise, even if it’s just a makeover after the 1995 Jenny Jones Show “Same-Sex Secret Crushes” disaster.
On an episode that never aired, Jonathan Schmitz was told he had a secret admirer who turned out to be his friend, Scott Amedure. Three days later, a drunk Schmitz shot and killed Amedure. He was released after 23 years in jail in 2017.
Schmitz had no clue that the show was about same sex admirers.
Reading Schmitz and Jenny Jones Wikis, the Jenny Jones Show producers claimed that Schmitz was advised his admirer may be a male and according to Schmitz’s Wiki, there may have a meeting and sexual encounter between Schmitz and Amedure after the show.
Regardless of what really happened behind the scenes/after the show, I remember there being a huge backlash against the Jenny Jones Show and as I recall, the self-imposed rules/guidelines for for “reality” shows changed after this.
I think it depends. My daughter once told me she wanted to put me on What Not to Wear, and I was insulted because I really hated the hosts and how rude they were in general. I didn’t think my clothing choices were so bad as to deserve that. On the other hand, if I had the option for a Queer Eye makeover, I’d be on it like butter on toast.
As for the OP’s original question about the person, it comes back to what others have stated. It’s amazing what some people will do to be on TV and if the person being asked to appear is genuinely insulted, they would never appear on the show. It’s a sure bet the majority of pre-submission conversations are along these lines:
Friend/family member - “Umm…have you thought about your makeup/dress/decorating”
Future participant - “What’s wrong with how I look/dress/decorate?”
F/F member - “Nothing really, but if we play it up you could appear on xxxx show and get free stuff.”
FP - “Let’s do it! What do I need to do?”
Those “hidden camera” videos showing the before participant?. How many of your family and friends can take those nicely framed, focused and lit videos/photos without your knowing? Especially in the days before camera phones and HD?
The “secret” comments? Prompted and staged. A number of reality show judges have talked about how they have to sometimes repeat what they’ve said numerous times in different ways, changing their tone and delivery. They’re also prompted to say both negative and positive things, most of which end up on the editing floor. A one hour show can take 10-12 hours plus, a lot of it retakes of those “spontaneous” moments.
