As some of you can see i have a thread in IMHO about my ex and some tax snafu.
Normally I would not care about him. He screwed me over about 80 different ways, and used tabasco instead of ky to do it with. I wouldn’t care if he fell of the face of the earth.
But when he talks to me, he tells me he is only asking for a favor because of his children. If I don’t help him it will hurt his children. Dammit! Either he knows me well, or he is really concerned about his kids. He sounds so sincere. But he also sounded so sincere when he promised me he wasn’t cheating on me.
I know I should just walk away, but I think about his kids, and it starts all over. This has kept me up for two nights. Now that I know that its up to me if He can claim me or not.(atleast I think it is, there will be a final determination on it tommorrow). I hope to God they say no, because then my hands are free and I don’t feel like I am taking money away from kids. But what if they don’t? then its up to me, and I am not dealing with it well.
On one hand I know I owe him nothing. Not a damn thing. Infact he owes me and my family money. But on the other hand my mother always told me “Right always returns right, do not do wrong because other people did you wrong”.
God, we are divorced. I didn’t do anything wrong, it was a whole lot of me being screwed. Why do I feel obligated? Do I feel obligated? I don’t know what this is. I just want to scrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeam.
I am not a tax preparer, but I have filled out the forms.
So that means he cannot legally claim you on his form if you were divorced before Dec 31, 2003 and that you will both need to file. So listen to your mother and do what is right and just tell him you cannot break the law.
That does sound like a really difficult decision. I hope that they say he can’t, and it’s out of your hands.
You do not have any obligations to him. It’s his job to provide for his children, not yours, and you would not be a bad person for walking away from this. But from other things of yours that I’ve read, I know that that wouldn’t be easy for you. (It would definitely not be for me, either.)
It sounds like he is asking you if he can claim you as a dependent on his taxes, so that he will get a bigger refund, and then use the money for his chidren. Is that correct? (I know nothing about taxes.) If so, try to find out how desperately his kids need this money. Can he prove he needs money that badly? You’re divorced and you owe him nothing. He already owes you money. If you say no, you’re 100% right.
But if you do this for his children, because they really need the money and he can prove it, it doesn’t make you a sucker. I know you want to do the right thing, and in this case, there is no absolute wrong thing. You have to do what feels right to you.
Without understanding the whole situation, I hope that helped.
Well, I shot my mouth off in the other thread, so I might as well here. Hope I’m not wrong about this:
You were married to him all of 2002, which seems to be the year in question. You haven’t filed taxes for that year, and neither has he. He’s making the effort to file taxes for both of you. You are doing absolutely nothing for him whichever way he files, save deciding which piece of paper you’ll sign. He will pay more (or get back less) if you can file jointly. You gain absolutely nothing by refusing this.
I don’t get why you’re taking the stand you are. And yes, the bottom line is that if you file seperately, the IRS will take more money, and that means someone else has less money, including children.
Honestly, I can’t see justification for your point of view beyond vindictiveness. And if he was a jerk, then screw him if it makes you feel better. But you won’t be the better person, and you won’t be doing the right thing.
I think Bill H has a very good point, as did suezeekay in the other thread. You already owe no taxes for the year in question, 2002. As long as you can ensure that he’s not going to stiff you on the tax bill, it’s no skin off your nose to let him file jointly instead of separately. You were married during that time, so he’s not breaking the law.
Yes he is filing back taxes, because for whatever reason he didn’t file. I don’t know why he didn’t file because I was not around by that point.
Actually I can see a bit clearer today. I think I might have an idea. Now its just getting my husband over it. My Husband is highly upset that I am even giving my ex the time of day. Its almost like he thinks I want to go back to my ex (couldn’t be more wrong) or something. That of course isn’t helping anything. I have all these people telling me to walk away, But it doesn’t feel right. Of course I am the biggest sucker ever. I am the “Soft touch”. I have forgive and forget thouroughly ingranined into me. I can hear my mom now " Nightlight, girl, You know what Jesus said, forgive 77 times 7". I have taken back friends after they did me wrong time and time again. People were amazed when I finally got rid of the worst offender, because it just wasn’t like me. EVERYONE know that Deadly Nightlight never holds a grudge, Deadly Nightlight is the person to go to if you are in trouble, Deadly Nightlight will help you even if she hates you. I am afraid my ex is just playing on that, because when we were married it was his biggest pet peeve.
Kind of ironic, isn’t it? DN, let me give you a piece of advice from someone who used to be like your ex. You will not be doing him or his children any long term favours by giving in to this. It won’t be until people start holding him accountable for his actions that he will come to realize that his actions have consequences. By getting bailed out, he learns that others will solve his problems for him.
It may be a moot point anyway. I’m not sure what the tax laws are in your area, but you either were his wife or were not, at the time of filing. It’s not up to you. I’d check with an accountant.
By the way, no matter what your mother says, I don’t recall Jesus ever saying “And it shall come to pass that thou wilt cater to everyone other than yourself, even at the expense of your own well being.” I DO seem to recall him saying that your ex was an asshole though. Somewhere in Thessalonians, I believe…
From my experience taking a taxation course, and working as an income tax checker, he needs to file as married if you were married to him in the year in question. It sounds like the issue is whether or not he gets to claim you as a dependent, which is a whole 'nother ball of wax, and that is definitely up to the discretion of the parties involved. My knowledge of tax laws is for Canada, of course, but Revenue Canada isn’t interested in anyone optimizing their taxes, and I suspect the IRS feels the same way. As long as it’s legal and complete, they don’t care if one way gets you more money than another.
As for being a forgiving, non-grudge holding person versus not being a doormat, it’s up to you to decide how much is enough, Deadly Nightlight. Even Jesus got righteously angry at times and kicked over tables and such. It’s one thing to forgive small slights and not give up friendships over them, but it’s a completely different thing to never stand up for yourself and get angry when you’re being taken advantage of.
Well I asked him to provide me with something saying he owed 1500 dollars. I told him he could back out any info he didn’t want me to see, but I needed to see something real. He hemmed and hawed and finally I said forget it.
I said no folks, and I don’t feel bad about it. In one of me previous posts about our divorce I said “What goes around comes around, and when It does I hope it takes his penis” I figure this is close enough.