I’ve recently changed jobs, and so have a couple hundred people to get to know. Some I’ve already begun forging relationships with (nation building, you know), others I just pass in the hallway and smile/nod (or not). And of course, there’s a bunch of people who’s names I may or may not know, upon whom I have bestowed names of my own choosing. Here’s a few…
Arrogant Hair is a short pudgy guy with great hair and an arrogant air about him.
Basketball Ass is a lady, well, that’s self-explanitory, right?
NotGay is a DBA here. And he’s not gay. Really.
Those are just a few that spring to mind. If I think of any more, I’ll post them. Got any of your own?
I went to use the photocopier in my old work place and there was a man of about 40 whom I didn’t know, using it. As we had a lot of English as a second language teachers doing their practicums there, I just assumed he was one of those. I introduced myself and asked him if he was a student (meaning teacher trainee) - he looked mortally offended and said in an exasperated tone “No, I’m not a student, I have a Phd”. So, as I never found out his name, I called him Mr Phd. Turns out he was a relief teacher.
Well, there are the necessities: **Big Dan ** and Small Dan (who aren’t very big or small. Big Dan is tall, Small Dan is not-quite-as-tall)
And the luxuries: **Food lady ** (the one that supervises Wednesday lunches) Bad Cop (one of the teachers) and **Good Cop ** (another one of the teachers) and The Butcher (one of the systems guys who knows heaping shitloads about computers…‘n’ stuff…he can also be cranky.)
all in my immediate vicinity. That last one is a cruel name I’ve never used out loud. The poor woman has an enormous butt and hips that give her the silhouette of a hamburger-shaped McDonald’s character. She’s also rather a jerk so I don’t feel too bad about mentally calling her that.
Let’s see…I work with Bitchy Brenda who is a complainer. She will come to your cube to complain about our boss who is super awesome and stand there until you agree with her. You have to nod or something or she won’t go away. I also work with Sexual Harrassment Ray who comes by the cube, rubs my arm seductively and whispers “show me your tits!” over and over again. I don’t have any names for anyone else. Generally if I bestow a name other than their own upon someone it is because they are a horrible person to work with.
My dad’s boss is called The Banana Man because every time he gives an ata-boy it’s the same thing to the point that they reenacted a staff meeting with a banana receiving the praise instead of a person….kind of random but fun to call him that
In addition to what I listed upthread, I just remembered:
Inspector Luger, a bony old geezer who’s still stuck in 1958, acting like he’s wearing a lampshade on his head at the country club. No matter how many times he’s admonished by management, he still makes stupid sex jokes to women and stupid minority jokes to minorities. He bears an uncanny resemblance to Inspector Luger from the old Barney Miller TV series, and he sounds just like him, too.
and
General Woundwort, a woman with enormous pale blue eyes and tiny pinpoint-like pupils. She fixes those eyes on you in a death stare until you start to sweat and shift from foot to foot. I feel like Bigwig caught in a lie.