I’ve recently christened my friends lover:
Pot bellied Troll - you would laugh if you saw him. Now and again I send her a text “Troll whore”
Paper Bag my vain friend said the dude is not much to look at. He’s become a keeper now, so we call him “Papes”
Short-arsed-bald-headed-chubby-motherfucker Well, this is a guy I dated, one of my male friends was so incensed that I was dating him this all came out in one gush. We call him Shorts now for short.
LBB Love bite boy
I Drag it out as long as you want - this fella could only talk about himself.
I am not proud to admit this but: At my last job I nicknamed a woman Shrek. Although everyone told my how bad I was, they all laughed *and *they all knew who I was talking about. Even the women and the wives of coworkers laughed and knew who I meant.
In my defense, it wasn’t just because she was not attractive, she was also mean.
**Khadaji **- great! That’s the stuff I’m looking for - the ones you’re not proud to admit. I christened this woman “Puss in Boots” and people would get as far as “… I don’t know who … oh yeah”
My dad has a friend he (privately) refers to as C.T. The guy wears his pants a little tight around the crotchal area.
I am very very bad with names and faces. By the time I figure out the faces, I’m to embarrassed to ask the name. So there’s Security Guard No-Neck (I have since learned his name, he’s just a huge bull of a man with no neck) and Security Guard Probably-Not-A-Trannie. Because just because a woman has a really deep voice and blunt features and wears garish makeup does not make her a him. I feel ashamed of myself, but whenever I pass by her some part of my mind starts thinking about surgery and harmones.
I used to work with Canadian John and a guy who believed his nickname was Hairy John but was more usually called Stupid John.
An ex-girlfriend was jealous of my female friends. She gave them all derisive nicknames based on their actual names. She called one of my friends “Stinky Wanker” and I still think of that name first when I see her.
well, there’s this boyfriend of a friend we call Wünderschlong.
A friend of mine had a co-worker named Janet that was always messing up. Her nickname (to her face) was Dammit Janet.
Continuing the Rocky Horror theme:
My wife used to frequent a makeup counter in a department store. One of the salespeople there would always have on way, way too much of the makeup, plus she had strung-out black hair. We called her “Frank-N-Furter”.
Once during a department meeting I refered to a guy working in another department as Whiny Assed Bitch.
No one asked who I was talking about.
Now we all refer to him as Wab.
Oh, we have nicknames for all sorts of library patrons. There’s Tweedledum and Tweedledumber (aka The Wonder Twins), Evil Hat Lady, Kaiser Bill, the Pillsburgh Doughboy, Wilford Brimley…
ETA - and you never ever have to explain to anybody in another department who you’re talking about.
Oh god, I have a million of these. I am extremely guilty of creating nicknames that a) don’t flatter and b) TOTALLY stick.
For instance:
A lady in the finance office has a bit of a bitchy reputation and some really weird teeth, they’re brown and look like her baby teeth never fell out. I referred to her as "Jack O’Lantern Teeth"at some point. She’s now forever “Pumpkin Teeth” or just “Jack”.
My brother’s self-important, long winded, narcissistic bore of a wife is a “nutritional expert” and interjects her pet subject into every single conversation anyone ever had, verily I shitte you notte. I dubbed her the “Nutri Hag” some years ago and my entire family calls her that now. That is, when we’re not calling her “Mimi LaDouche”, another of my stickers. “Mimi” is, of course, derived from her mentality of “ME ME ME”. The rest I believe is self explanatory.
Another woman on campus is “The Possum”, only because she has shorty bristly silver hair, a pointy nose and sparkly little brown eyes. Sorry, she just totally looks like one.
There was a jerky guy named Stu on staff at a bookstore where I worked - he was a total creep and everyone hated him, he made sexually inappropriate remarks to all the women and was vaguely threatening to all the men. I referred to him as “Mr. Pedaso” and you can believe that one was used in every department all the way up to HR.
::snicker:: A friend of a friend’s boyfriend is PonyBoy. Whenever he’s around some woman will be making a small stamping motion with her foot.
My newest nickname victim is DadLove. He’s a checker at the grocery store and has a picture of his daughter on his keyring. When he’s not busy, he’ll be looking at the picture and smiling slightly. It’s sweet. He’s a good checker too, although he doesn’t bag bag stuff up as well as Spatial-relations man. That guy could bag any pile of groceries into a perfect bag-shape. He was awesome.
My ex had a friend people called Grimace behind her back. She was kind of shaped like the character from McDonalds and had a reddish face. I never called her that, but I never told her about it either.
There was another girl that was called oompa loompa because she was very short and a little chunky.
Now that I think about it…I wonder what they called me behind my back?!
The Crasian. (AKA Creepy Asian). At my old apartment building, there was a creepy Asian dude who would sit at this window and stare at people for hours. Just watch. His eyes would follow me as I carried groceries from my car to the apartment. Really creeped me out. So my sister and I named him the Crasian.
I had two coworkers who, at the time, were a two-person team, but their personalities couldn’t be more different: one was a sour, complaining pessimist and the other was a bubbly cheery sort. We called them Eeyore and Tigger.
I work with a guy we have also dubbed Shrek, among other names. He’s tall, broad shouldered, has a tall and wide forehead, large chin, tiny ears, etc…Despite the lack of green, he is Shrek.
He’s also referred to as “Magilla”, or “[the boss’s name]'s pet ape”.
Ok Joey P - I give in Crotch What?
Camel Toe.