I hereby nominate “umbrelladactyl” as this week’s most useful word.
You know how there are smoking and non-smoking areas? Well, I think all businesses need “normal” and “I’m on vacation/retired/have no life/nearly brain dead” divisions.
And the penalty for a non-normal person found in a normal division would be disembowlement.
From OxyMoron:
ARGH! But some folks have to work there – ground zero for every Elmer and Ida Mae in the country to stand in immobile wonderment, staring at the big Cup-of-Noodles ad or eagerly snapping pictures with the Naked Cowboy with one hand and shoving you into traffic with the other.
I also hate the guy who lolls against the mailboxes shilling tickets to some comedy show. He has to stand right there in front of the mailbox, so that anyone who wants to pay their bills has to fix him with an icy glare?
Finally, what is up with the people who are so intent on the subway map that they will plant their hands on either side of the unfortunate person in the seat below the map and lean in thisclose. Holy cow! At least say “Excuse me” so I don’t assume you’re leaning in for the kill.
That’s when you let loose the biggest sneeze you can blast. (I’ve got a sneeze that can startle people two rooms away – very useful at times). If that doesn’t move the sucker back, reach out and grab the twit’s shirtfront to wipe your nose. 
Which is why I’d have to think long and hard before accepting a job at, say, Reuters, Conde Nast, Viacom, Ernst & Young or (when their new building’s done) Wachovia.
I hate it when people walk on the left side of a sidewalk or hallway or use a door on the left. All through grade school, I and many other people I know were taught to stay to the right.
Also, why the hell do people think it’s a good idea to maximize the usage of doors going in one direction? I’m constantly blocked from going through doors by a pack of people heading in the opposite direction using every single door.
My two chief hallway/sidewalk rants (the clueless walking several abreast and refusing to make room for passersby, and the go-against-the-flow-by-walking-on-the-left crowd) have been taken care of, thank you.
I’ll just add a gripe about the ancients (especially two or more) who walk ve-ee-ry sl–oo—w–l–y right down the middle of the walk or corridor. I sympathize with whatever ailments or lack of energy you might have that make the slow pace necessary, but you might consider walking well to the right so that others can pass. And above all, try, when someone behind you whom you are blocking says “Excuse me” and wants to pass, avoid making pointed comments about how “Some people are in such a hurry, Mabel”. The next time this happens I may not be able to restrain myself from replying, “Sorry Ma’am, but some of us have a few things left to accomplish before toddling off to the crematorium.”
And that would be wrong. 
I was just thinking the other day that there needs to be a Pit thread about this…
Might as well add: “Just because you’re walking your dog(s), you don’t own the whole damn sidewalk”. Don’t you just love those extra long fishline-type leashes?
Good thing I’m from West Assboink. Otherwise, you and I would have a problem.
My my, so many complaints about sidewalk hogs going in the opposite direction, and so few about those going in the same direction. To me, an even bigger peeve to pet.
There are two other sidewalk behaviors that have been festering in my craw for some time. Now is my chance to complain about them.
The first is assnuggets that throw their gum on the sidewalk. 'Nuff said.
The second is – well, let me explain. This happened all over town, but especially in front of one certain store. Poster kids for botched lobotomies would park their bikes in front of the store. No, I don’t mean set upright against the wall next to the door. I mean laid down, in the doorway itself, thus blocking all entrance and egress from the store. That is, to exit the store, you’d have to literally jump over the bike. There is no way around. And of course, the intellectual colossi that did this traveled in packs, so it was usually more than one bike. Usually there were enough that they covered the entire width of the sidewalk. You’d have to walk in the street just to get by.
Many times I was tempted to simply move the bikes (into oncoming traffic), but I had a feeling that these poor excuses for fecal matter would have either cried to mommy or pulled a knife on me.
The way I deal with sidewalk hogs is to square my shoulders, stand up straight, and walk with purpose in one direction staring at the person in my path. So far they have all moved out of the way.
I love moving walkways, LOVE them. At the airport, they save your breathe, life, and flight. They even have very convenient dividing lines down the middle, labelled “walk” and “stand” (usually). A few months ago I was very late for a connecting flight, and jogging down the walkway. Of course, there’s the group of complete jackasses standing two-abreast and talking. I get up to them, push myself through the middle of them (making sure to not pay attention where my large garment bag was swinging), stopped, looked each of them in the eye and said, “Look! A sign that says, ‘walking’ and ‘standing’ - how very FUCKING convenient!”
Hey, just because my speed is faster than yours doesn’t give you right of way. If I’m running and a gaggle of people is coming at me, hording the entire walkway, I’m going to run my 6’1" frame right through whoever’s on the right side, from my POV. I’m not going to drive my car off to the park to find just the same thing as the sidewalks around my place.
Exactly. This is what I do to. Most of the time they’re just being oblivious.
I’ve been known to “accidentally” bump into a sidewalk hog. Oops.
Also aggravating are the people who walk on my street. It’s a narrow, two-lane road with no sidewalks, so folks are forced to walk in the street. However, they are not forced to walk three abreast down the center of the street, so that cars have to go to the wrong side to get around them. :dubious:
YES!!! I’m not on a BIKE. I’m on foot. My speed and method of moving are just different than yours.
The car exhaust and uneven surface are my problem (BTW, I trained for and ran the NYC marathon and probably ran on a track ONCE. Nothing for staying sharp like a 15 mile run through the streets of Baltimore.)
Three people walking abreast should cede a foot of the sidewalk to a person running. I’m not talking about running through downtown at 9:00 in the morning expect the businessmen to part like the red sea for me.
Sometimes as I approach people face on, I see them staring at me like I’m some sort of ghost that’s going to past through them. When I get to within about 3 feet, I finally slow down and try to put a look of bewilderment on my face so that they get the message, “I have no idea why you’re not giving me a foot of sidewalk.”
The look of bewilderment is easy to achieve because I really am bewildered by it.
My wife just about had to mow down three women hogging nearly the entire width of the local hike & bike trail the other day. We were on bikes coming down a hill, there was a man walking the same direction in front of us, and these three stupid ass women coming towards us who would not fucking get over! My wife had to weave between the man and the women, then turned around and yelled “Share the road!” (Unfortunately, I think the guy thought she was yelling at him. 
)
And as long as we’re talking about idiots using the hike and bike trail, what is it with people who walk their dogs and let them crap all over the damn trail? The grass is two fucking feet away! Use it!
My bug concerns the Port Authority Bus Terminal escalators. Especially at rush hour. Most people will help out by walking on the moving escaltor, but there’s always one asshole who just stands there. It sounds stupid, but if everyone else is walking, please move your sorry feet and get some exercise. In NYC, it’s a good idea to move or get out of the way.
I will note that whenever I am walking down the street and a bunch of young guys is coming the other way, they will line up and let me pass. That impresses me greatly. Young woman not so much. In fact, I have a personal prejudice that some female gangs have the worse public manners of any group.
This problem has an easy solution.
Get a peice of wood. Carve out to look like Machine Gun. Buy Trenchcoat. Put Tranchcoat on. Put machine-gun shaped peice of wood under jacket. Walk down street.
I do that from time to time when I’m distracted- especially in stores. My husband calls me a “walking stop sign”.