ARRRGH! Why is parenting so difficult?! (or, I Have Created a Monster)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My daughter, age 2 and a little, has been having…shall we say, difficulty in keeping her diaper on while in bed. I believe she’s sleeping in it okay, but then waking up and quietly taking off all her clothes and her diaper. Occasionally during her waking times, she’ll do the same, and just saunter through the room nekkid. Now, this wouldn’t be a problem if she had any interest at all in the toilet, but she doesn’t, so thing sometimes get…messy.

Well, this morning I happened to interrupt her in the middle of her little clothing optional festival. I went into her bedroom to find a baby with no clothes on, but still wearing her diaper.

A-ha! thinks I. I’ll ‘catch her being good’, as they say, and reward this part of the behavior. So in I go, with a big smile on my face. “Look! You left your diaper on! What a good girl! Here, have a graham cracker, big girl, 'cause you left your diaper on! Way to go! Diaper on, graham cracker, yippee!” Okay, I worked it a bit. But I have visions of B.F. Skinner dancing through my head and the fantasy of extinguishing this unwanted behavior in a matter of days.

And she looked at me like, “You moron, I was just getting to that part. But hey, I’ll take a graham cracker anyway, thanks!” What she actually said was: “Gacker!”

Fast forward a couple hours to…well, nowish. She comes up to me and says, “Gacker, Mama!” while patting her bottom.

“What?” I ask.

“Gacker!” she tried again, once more patting her padded bottom, " 'iaper! Gacker!"

“Excuse me? No, I don’t think so. You get a graham cracker if you leave your diaper on when you’re in bed. We will not have graham cracker extortion in this house, young lady!”

“Gacker?” she tried again.

“No gacker,” I said firmly.

Three minutes later, she was naked as a jaybird.

:smack:

2

:smiley: I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you! :wink:

Seriously, my oldest daughter went through a phase of undressing whilst in her crib, then having a nice bowel movement, and practicing her fingerpainting skills. :eek:

I started dressing her in removal-proof clothing. For instance, a blanket sleeper with the feet cut out (I always used to cut out the feet anyway, as they made my kids’ feet sweat too much) can be put on backwards, zipped up the back, and then the zipper tab pinned down with a diaper pin. If the kid can’t get to the diaper, the kid can’t remove the diaper!

3

My mother often told stories of my nudist festivals as a small child. She especially delighted in telling them in front of new boyfriends. Especially the one about how I escaped the babysitter who was hired to take me to the park (babysitter was making out with her boyfriend), stripped down, and was found very close to the interstate. A policeman wrapped me in a blanket and took me door-to-door to find Mom. Dad was not amused. I understand he had quite a conversation with the babysitter’s parents.

I outgrew my nudist phrase and now wear clothing most of the time, and all of the appropriate times. :smiley:

4

You see, I think this is why the stars have never aligned for me to have children. I am simply bursting with pride at WhyBaby making the conniving connection between diaper-wearing and graham-cracker-getting, like you go, little cracker extortionist.

5

Oh, I am too.

I’m also trying to find the duct tape.

:smiley:

6

And I’m sure she now feels pretty sure that you’re “even” for all the trouble she’s caused you!

7

Thank you for cheering me up WhyNot and others. I was despairing at having a baby who refuses to sleep at night (nighttime is for playing, apparently) and now I see it can be (and probably will be) much worse later :slight_smile:

8

My nephew, when he was two, ate two whole ears of corn…uncooked corn.

It was later revisited while my dad was giving him a bath. It was still whole.

Susan

9

The kernels were whole, or the whole ears? :o

10

Skinner knew better – he didn’t even try to make his daughter keep her clothes on – he raised her in a box with a changeable floor and her naked.
i swear it’s true – i’ve seen pictures of it.

11

What did you think “The Terrible Twos” meant?! Not sleeping? You mean small children sleep? My son didn’t. Well, once. I was afraid to go into his room the one and only time he slept all night in his first four years. (of course, as soon as school started, he was impossible to awaken)
Diapers off? Hey mine wore cloth diapers with pins, and he still got them off, then got mad at me when he stuck himself with the pins.
Good luck. (The duct tape sounds like a great idea.) :smiley:

12

Snopes page on Skinner’s daughter:

13

Always my favorite parenting tool. Still works now that they’re older teens - just need more.

14

Crib age kids are smarter than we give them credit for that’s for sure. I’ve seen my nephew pull a few things I never dreamed he could do.

I am told that I was also a wonder kid. When I was less than 3 years old I was given shoes with buckles and straps as to hold the two shoes and thus my feet together. This was because I had the cricked knees and thanks to me I still do. :cool:

Apparantly the doctor thought they could fix my knees with these shoes that would hold my feet together while I slept and over time my knees would adjust. Well after the first couple of nights I figured out how to unbuckle the straps and untie the laces and take the shoes off. The mighty struggle of wills between me and my parents lasted two weeks before they gave up and I came out victorious.

15

I have a little nudist, too. Not too long ago, we had a power outage during a storm. After three hours of walking around in the dark with flashlights, the power came back on…to reveal that Harry had taken off his diaper (he sneakily left his shirt on, so we didn’t realize the disrobing sooner). I then spent the next hour looking for puddles. I can usually foil him with pants…he’s still a little too small to manage getting his outer clothing off.

My nephew was the opposite. He went through a stage where he wouldn’t leave his bed until my SIL had gotten him completely dressed, including socks and shoes.

16

I’ve often said in the last few months, never underestimate a toddler. My Dudes just demonstrated that they can figure out how to get out of onesies. Luckily only one had decorated his crib and himself with poop and needed an emergency bath, but I couldn’t see where either diaper had gone. I have’t yet worked up the gumption to go back in the nursery and strip the cribs and go diving for the diapers. :eek:

17

My (grown and nearly) kids have had some adventures in growing up, but you guys are making me realize how lucky we were in the early days. I had three who stayed clothed and in their cribs and in their high chairs. I have long since quit thinking it had anything to do with my parenting skills.

WhyNot, I’ll bet you didn’t anticipate this when you were looking at her in the NICU. She’s going to be fun as she grows up, isn’t she? I love kids who think.

18

Are you me? I went through the exact same thing with my youngest. I would also sometimes zip her sleeper up, grab a needle and thread, and sew the damn zipper tab in place (this probably wouldn’t work if your kid is wiggly). I tried duct-taping the diaper closed but she managed to shimmy out of it anyway.

19

It’s possible. I’ve always suspected I had multiple personalities. :wink:

20

I’ve taught my daughter to put the diapers in the diaper pail when I’m done changing her. Except she just got the first part. So now she takes 'em off and throws them away.

Today has been a banner day for me. My oldest dog is dying and is peeing and pooping on herself and my vet hasn’t returned my calls to have her put down. She’s probably finally dying. So I’ve been cleaning that up all day. The other dog is an italian greyhound that enjoys peeing on the floor, so I’ve been cleaning that up. Then, my daughter, the light of my life, whips off her diaper and IMMEDIATELY pees on the floor.

I told my husband to go ahead and whip it out. I’ve cleaned up everyone elses pee today.