This sounds like the right idea – so, when I get to the counter, what do I actually say? My sis and dad say “blah, half-glorp, doody-wah”, and the drink magically appears at the end of the counter.
What do I ask for?
p.s. Thanks interpreting what flavor I was trying to describe!
I can’t believe I’ve missed this thread! I also work at Starbucks, though I don’t particularly like the job. (It is not a bad job, by any means. I am just not well suited to it.)
I don’t have much to add, but I would like to emphasize the following to those embarrassed that they don’t understand how to order: Don’t worry! WE ARE NOT JUDGING YOU!! Seriously. I make 8 dollars an hour and am not delusional enough to believe that I am anything more than a glorified fast food employee (I have also worked at Dunkin’ Donuts, by the way). I know for a fact that most of my coworkers feel the same way. We won’t look down on you for ordering a “large” coffee, or for knowing the type of drink you want but not what it’s called, or even for not knowing what you want at all. We won’t even laugh at you if you order like you would at Dunkin’s–“I’d like a medium coffee with cream and two sugars, please”–we’ll just get you your coffee, tell you that milk and sugar is at the condiment bar behind you, then forget about you completely and go back to cleaning or daydreaming or move on to the next customer.
Also, we can help you if you don’t know what you want. We’ll ask you a few questions about your preferences (and they’ll be easy ones, like, “What flavors do you like (chocolate, vanilla, etc.)?”), then suggest something for you to try. If you don’t like it, you probably won’t have to pay for it, or we’ll make you something else instead. You may even get to try things that aren’t on the menu.
Really, I hate it when people are all apologetic because they’re afraid they aren’t ordering their drink correctly. It doesn’t matter; we will figure out what you mean. If we ask lots of intimidating questions, it’s because we want you to get the drink you want. We all know the size names are stupid–it’s okay if you don’t use them, as long as you don’t act superior about not using them! I know what it’s like to feel stupid ordering food in an unfamiliar environment; I get really nervous when trying a new type of cuisine for just that reason. I sympathize completely. But even if none of this makes you feel more comfortable, please remember that Starbucks baristas do not have any real incentive to care how you order your drink. We’re not the real coffee snobs; those are the people in independent coffee shops!
FTR, this definitely did not seem to be the case for the Mexican family I spent New Year’s with a couple of years ago.
quilter, you can just ask for a “[size] mocha.” You can absolutely ask for small, medium, or large if you feel more comfortable–it’s perfectly acceptable. If you want an extra shot* like ChrisBooth suggested, you can just say that–"…with an extra shot."
You will then likely be asked if you want whipped cream on top. Answer accordingly, or if you want to skip being asked you can include your preference as part of your order: “tall no-whip mocha” or “grande with-whip mocha.”
*For reference, short and tall come with one shot of espresso, and grande and venti come with two. The “proper” way to ask for extra shots is to begin your order with the number of shots you’d like: “triple grande mocha” or “five-shot venti americano.” But this is by no means necessary.
And here are my questions. Why are there the same amount of shots in a grande and a vente? You’d think in buying a larger size that you’d be getting more than just extra milk?
FTR, I always order an extra shot. And there is little consistency in the stores that I go to. In one Starbucks, an extra shot in a hot venti will make it a quad. In another store it only makes it a triple. Then I have to specify that I want a quad and they charge me for TWO extra shots 
.
So are the other stores just being nice? Or are they mixed up? And why in the summer is the ICED venti automatically given THREE shots? While the hot is only two? I don’t get it. I never really know when to order the extra shot.
Most of the time, I need the extra shot so that it has some coffe taste. Otherwise it tastes too milky.
Wouldn’t you rather work at Peet’s?
Well, the idea is that the ice that melts down becomes the “water” that would make an Americano, therefore to start out with extra water just makes it watered down.
I can’t vouch for the venti=2 shots, but the iced venti probably gets three shots due to both the ice melting factor, and the fact that it’s 24 ounces and not 20.
That makes sense. However, I don’t understand why a grande and a venti get the same amount of shots. I’m paying more for more of the same drink. The same drink should consist of more of the same. If you just add more milk, it changes the drink, the flavor, KWIM?
The local independent coffee shop makes incredible lattes and cappuccinos. I wish they had sugar free syrup and skim milk 
I have coined a new term for Starbucks and like establishments – feel free to use it at will.
Calculatte – to figure out the price of one of those pricey coffee drinks.
Huh. That’s pretty weird–I would expect every coffeehouse to have at least a few sugar-free syrups, nonfat milk and soy milk. That’s just basic stuff. And in New York, of all places.
I didn’t ask this earlier because it’s really a question for the corporate management rather than the servers, but maybe somebody knows: WHY would a company use strange unfamiliar terms for the sizes of the cups (in more than one different language, no less) instead of saying small, medium, and large (or 8, 12, and 16 oz). It makes the entire experience more frustrating for new customers and increases the probability of someone ordering wrong. I see no logical reason to do such a thing.
Who is “we”? Is there really anything better for warming up by the fire after working outside in the snow? Is a hot chocolate with a shot of tequila or schnapps a kid’s drink? I’m not being snarky – hot chocolate being “just for kids” is just a completely foreign concept to me. Of course kids drink cocoa. They drink soda pop, iced tea, lemonade, and water, too, just like most adults.
So that their customers feel like hipsters long enough to be distracted from the fact that they’re actually sucking an inferior product from the corporate teat. There’s value to the buzzword game from a marketing standpoint–hell, I’m the most anti-Starbucks guy I know and if I go in there to use the bathroom or my friends drag me in, even I get put under the spell. “Hey, that new Minty Colombian Banana Whatever sounds really…HEY WAIT A MINUTE!” The other reason is that once people decide on a favorite drink at Starbucks, they then think of Starbucks as the only place to go for it. And then people lament the entire coffeehouse industry for using strange terminology, when it’s really just one branch of one corporation. What makes me even sadder is seeing people talk about how lame Starbucks is and still go there all the time, as if someone is holding a gun to their heads and forcing them to spend more for worse coffee.
Amygdala, you’ve answered a bunch of my questions, and I sincerely appreciate it. However. I’m not particularly concerned about your opinion of me – what are the odds that I’ll ever see you again? – but of a) holding up the line whilst you help me figure out what I’m trying to describe, and b) not embarrassing my sister because She Knows Things and I don’t.
So, can I safely say “triple grande no-whip mocha” and my sister won’t roll her eyes? Or do the words go in a different order?
p.s. I’m embarrassed by how grateful I am for your (plural) input on this!
I would say “no whip” after “mocha”, because that’s the order the barista will probably think it in. Other than that, you’re fine. And that’s not even a big deal.
Bless you! Thank you!
(now memorizing "triple grande mocha no-whip – as mentioned up-thread, I fly home on Wednesday!)
Actually it would be better if you said, Triple grande no whip mocha.
The best answer, of course, is triple grande extra whip mocha no whip.
Oh, how I wish you were kidding.
ETA: It used to drive me nuts how many people went to great pains to get as little fat and sugar in their fancy drink as possible–and then insisted on whipped cream. Sigh.
Fortunately the earlier memorization effort hasn’t had time to sink in…
Triple grande no-whip mocha. Got it.
I’m glad you started this thread, ChrisBooth12! If, after this trip home, I discover these words don’t produce the drink my pea brain is trying to describe, I’ll try to describe the refinements and ask again.