Fine, but it doesn’t matter. It matters to HER, and there’s no real reason or need to convince YOU.
It’s like an agnostic who can’t understand the difference in certain judaeo-Christian sects. Some dude nailed a paper to a door several hundred years ago, what’s the big deal?
Well, Anaamika was adopted and her adopted parents that let her know that adopting her was a family duty they had to do. They shunned her biological mother and never forgave her. That scaring, I imagine, would make her traumatized and probably panicky that treatment like what happened to her could happen to the child she gave up for adoption by its adoptive parents. It’s trauma, so it’s deep seated if not always rational.
However, she can realize that not everyone has that trauma and for some giving up a child can be a positive and acceptable solution to the situation.
I hate speaking for her, so if I’m way off base, please let me know…
[Moderator Note]And for the second time, I’m telling y’all to take the adoption debate elsewhere.[/Moderator Note]
Sorry- didn’t see the earlier mod note.
IvoryTowerDenizen, that’s not a bad answer. I think if the OP had stated clearly that she didn’t want to risk putting a child through what she went through, then your explanation would just about fit.
But the OP is not drawing any obvious distinction. To give a child up for adoption would be to put someone else through the same thing she went through. At least that’s how I read her statement.
Czarcasm, given I’ve received two warnings (I think they were both at me) for “debating abortion” in IMHO, can you please quote [del]two opinions[/del] one opinion on abortion I have expressed in this thread.
I think you’re misreading the mod notes.
He said “adoption” not “abortion”.
I got my interpretation of Anaamika’s words simply by reading what she did write in the OP and later.
Both notes(not official warnings) were directed at all those who were straying away from the topic of conversation-asking questions about Anaamika’s abortion. General discussions/debates about adoption and/or abortion should be taken to Great Debates because they are heated issues. If you wish discuss my decision on this matter any further, you may do so in About This Message Board, not here.
Because emotions and instincts and gut reactions are always perfectly clear and rational and easy to explain. 
To give a child up for adoption would be to put someone else through the same thing she went through - FOR ME. I believe I have added that particular comment on multiple occasions.
Poking my head back into the thread to thank you for this, with all my heart.
Bertha: mine came back the very next cycle - I don’t think I ever skipped as a result of the procedure. And for the folks talking about the pain aspect: I got nitrous. It hurt about as bad as a really bad period cramp, but honestly, I think the pain was worse because for some reason* I thought it wouldn’t hurt at all. Silly purplehorseshoe! If I’d known up front (“Think of the worst cramp you’ve ever had. This will feel .. about like that.”) I might have been better prepared mentally. The nurse held my hand and asked me a zillion mundane questions - what music I liked, what classes I was taking and so forth, and the nitrous made my head so foggy (ha!) that it took everything I had to focus on answering her questions, and that helped distract me.
I’ll never forget the waiting room: a coupla dozen Barca-loungers, each holding a silent, huddled woman. Everyone avoiding eye contact with the others. The nurse’s spiel, which she repeated to each woman: “There’s juice and cookies up at the front of the room. Once you can make it up there and eat some, we know you’ll be okay.” She was right, too.
That nurse was made of awesome. Anonymous nurse at the Austin women’s clinic: thanks. You made things a lot easier than they could have been.
Thank [insert diety of choice here] I didn’t have to wade through any protestors. That would’ve sucked ass.
I saw the same debate thread in the Pit and also considered a thread similair to this one, so thank you Anaamika for starting this.
My boyfriend (now husband) and I got pregnant my junior year of college after a night of being utterly irresponsible. He was finishing graduate school and applying for medical school at the time. There was absolutely no way we could have afforded a child or even have had the time to raise one. I never thought twice about the decision to have an abortion, but I told my boyfriend if he were oppossed to it I would consider his opinion, although I am not sure if it would have changed mine. Regardless, he felt the same as I did and we went a week later and paid $475 ($400 for the procedure and $75 for a drug they call “twilight” to make you loopy enough to not really be cognizant of the process). I was 7 weeks at the time, felt no emotional connection to the embryo, but did seriously regret having put myself in the position to have to make the choice in the first place.
I was not comfortable with adoption- being pregnant while going to school and working in a primate facility would have been nothing short of extremely inconvenient, and I don’t feel after carrying it for nine months and giving birth that I would have been able to place it up for adoption. I also think both of our families would have pressured us to keep it. I don’t claim to know when “life” begins, for some it begins at conception, some at birth, but I feel it is right around the time of fetal viability. It is not my decision to make for anyone but myself. I have a son who is almost 3 now, and when I saw the positive sign for his pregnancy it only reaffirmed my pro-choice position. Instead of feeling desperation I felt joy, the way I feel every pregnancy that results in the birth of a child should be, because we were financially and emotionally ready to have him.
The only hard part for me was not being able to tell my mother. I don’t feel any shame, but I know she would blame herself, and I am also fearful that it could damage our relationship. Almost all of our friends do know, however, as well as my sisters and brothers.
So to sum up, I am a mother now who feels exactly the same as I did before, that we as a society should strive to make abortion safe, legal, and rare.
My SiL had a devil of a time getting her tubal ligation even after having children. She first seriously looked into getting one after having her 4th daughter (my brother’s 2nd child), but everyone she talked too kept asking because she didn’t have a son and she was even directly told (by a female OB/GYN) that she should think of her husband. Granted my brother really did want a son, but supported her whatever she decided to do.
Eventually they did decide to wait a few years, she got pregnant again, and it turned out to be a boy. Then she ran into problems with her insurance provider because they’d only pay for it if it was done while she was still in hospital from the birth. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if not for the fact that the only hospital in the area that both took her insurance and had a maternity ward was affiliated with the Roman Catholic Church. :smack: They ended up having to save up and pay for the entire procedure in cash.
Just another voice in the chorus of saying thanks for posting this. It’s not easy to describe - but you always so eloquently, gently but firmly lay out your position and your experience.
Do you human life is sanctified at some point-ie after their birth for instance?
What are your religious and/or philosophical views?
How could you be so sure, that whoever adopted your baby would not love them?
Sorry to drag this back up, but I wanted to apologize to **Captain Amazing **for misunderstanding his posts and misrepresenting his beliefs. I was out of line there. :smack:
KNT
Would you like to ask her anything about the procedure itself? I’d like these side issues to be taken elsewhere, like Great Debates.
Oh, sorry.
Thank you ladies.
You all did what you felt to be best and I’m glad you feel able to share your choices, and in some cases explain them.