I’ve been wondering for a while now if things like having a drinking age of 21 is contributing to the continued juvenilization of young adults in the US, and if we’re seeing that in some attitudes in this thread. I can’t remember if I said this before in this thread and don’t feel like looking, but the age of adulthood for everything in Alberta is 18 (and the age of consent even younger). I don’t see anything wrong with an 18 year old dating a 35 year old, if the two people involved are good with it. Most people do date within their age range for a number of reasons, but the only people who know what works for them is the two people in the relationship.
Aw Hamburgers!, you’re entitled to your own feelings of course, but I don’t see the age difference between 27 and 18 as a huge one; I wouldn’t think twice about meeting a couple like that.
Causing the most pregnancies doesn’t necessarily mean having the most or even a super significant amount of sex with. Three things off the top of my head I can think of to account for a lot of pregnancies (these aren’t claims of validity, just potential):
Pressure from the man to forgo condom use.
Willingness from the woman to forgo birth control because he’s “settled” or “will take care of her.”
Decision not to abort because of 2.
Well, and I’ll throw in a 4
People involved in these sorts of relationships might be extremely stupid.
Against, these aren’t necessarily true. They are just ways in which causing pregnancy might be because of something else other than sheer frequency of sex.
I’m so used to seeing May-December relationships that I always forget it can be controversial in the West. Another reason I avoid the West. (For the record, I am only 2 years older than my Thai wife, and we are both in our 50s.)
I don’t care either, and coming up with numbers was never the point; I just think it’s funny. Some guy says because high school girls can legally fuck old people at a certain age, it’s a fair assumption that it’s “not uncommon” that their partners would be old dudes and young alike. Then I say, “Not so much. Just because they can fuck old people doesn’t mean they do. It seems to me people usually keep it within their general age range.” Then comes Captain Google with a link that says high school girls who are pregnant, on average, conceive from fathers whose age is almost four years their senior. Let that marinate for a moment. … Done? Then it goes on to suggest the age differences between teen mothers and their partners is likely due to sexual abuse… and that was supposed to refute something, I guess.
Good show. Seriously now, if it turns out that age has little to do with people’s sexual partners, and it’s not uncommon for people to have sexual partners of all ages, especially teenagers, I’d be glad to know. It’s always appeared to me, though, that people tend to stick with people similar to them, and I don’t think necessarily because of any particular effort, but because that’s just the way things shake out.
I’d say it’s likely from a lack of effort, if anything - you date the people you encounter in your life - co-workers, friends, friends of friends, online site people, people you meet in bars, whatever. I’m sure there are young people who seek out much older people, but I think most young people dating older people just fell into the relationship.
ETA: Re-reading, I realize I’m agreeing with what you’ve already said, MeanOldLady. Let’s just say I’m expanding on your point.
Dan Savage has something he calls ‘the campsite rule’ - leave her better than you found her. Meaning that you can teach her things like personal finance just by the fact she’ll probably ask you for advice at some point, or you can help her find what works for her sexually so she won’t end up a 35 year old housewife who has never had an orgasm or one of a bajillion other situations.
Last year I fell in love with a woman 10 years younger than me. We were 42 and 32 at the time and both divorced, so we don’t have your issues. She lived half a world away, so we spent months just talking and fell in love before we even met in person. On paper, we have absolutely zero in common. She’s an army nurse, no college degree, of a different race, and I’m a lawyer/CPA–just to mention some of it. But as soon as we met in person, we decided to get married, and we are ridiculously happy.
The 10-year difference is significant only in that we don’t share a lot of cultural references, but that’s easy to get past, and even is a good source of conversation. The bigger difference turned out to be the difference in education/experience. I’m pretty well-educated in the traditional sense, and she has zero interest in all that. But I discovered that one cool side-effect, is that regarding technology, she is awesome, waaaay beyond me.
So my question: Is she way more proficient than you with tech stuff?
Couldn’t tell if this was snark or not. Subject matter sounds like snark, but it’s worded in a non-snarky manner, so I’ll assume no intended snark.
Nope, won’t be bummed. I’m dating her and she happens to be a teenager. I’m not dating her because she is a teenager. Actually, looking forward to her being 21- to ease going out for music at 21+ venues (not that it is to be assumed we’ll still be together when she’s 21, nor is it assumed that we won’t be).
The month before her 19th birthday, there was a little bit of joking back and forth of “only another month/two weeks/one week of dating an 18 year old”- but joking is all it ever was.
It does seem like having a legal drinking age that is not synced with legal age of adulthood is troublesomely inconsistent, and I’ve thought of starting a GD Thread on this very topic.
I like this. I was not familiar with any of Dan Savage’s writing. Thank you for introducing me to it.
Thanks for the wish of good luck, and the generous appraisal of my sanity!
She’s way more tech proficient than I am, I touched on it a bit when another poster asked about generational gaps. It’s not just a matter of comparing skill at tech stuff, it’s that she, in a way, doesn’t think of computers, the internet, Blackberry loaded with apps, any of this- she doesn’t think of it as being something outside herself. She grew up with the internet, it is so sewn together with her experience of reality. For me, it is a separate and distinct “thing”, some aspects of which I make use of, and other aspects I am either unskilled at or not interested in.
For her, it’s just something that’s always been.
Thanks to everyone who took interest in this Thread!
Sorry if this is old enough to be considered a zombie thread, but I was wondering if we could get an update on this. It’s almost a year old, which means you should be coming up on your 2-year anniversary by now. Are you still together? Is she in her 20s yet? Does she still live with her parents?
In years past, historical data (Bible included), did not make a big hoopla about age differences. It’s the spiritual and moral issues that were focused on. So, this thread is far too much to dwell on.
