There were a lot of reasons I joined. To save the world – idealistic, but yes, a factor. To escape Mississippi. To escape family drama. To explore the country. To have an adventure. To develop into a better person. To find myself. To lose myself.
It’s hard to say what I’ve gained – not much in material terms. Besides my AmeriWear, I bought a pair of black courderoy pants from Goodwill for $3. I’ve been trained and certified by the American Red Cross in damn near everything – First Aid/CPR, disaster relief, mass care. I’ve worked my ass off, until my fingers ache and my legs are numb, and then I work a few hours more. I’ve been to Maryland, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Jersey, New York. I’ve toured Baltimore, Philadelphia, D.C. and, tomorrow, I’m going to experience NYC.
I met a Doper, Biqu. I’ve had more guys hit on me than ever before in my life – it must be the man-getting pants. I’ve met some of the coolest, strangest people imaginable. AmeriFolks come from every state, every religion, every race, every walk of life. We have ex-hippies, lesbians, atheists, Native Americans, former gangbangers, and one Polo Jeans model.
There are times my life is so full that it seems I’m living in a whirl of activities, thought, and senses. Sometimes I’m so lonely that I can’t even cry. I’ve seen children play in rat-infested Baltimore back-alleys. I’ve worked side-by-side with Jamaican immigrants who are building their houses with dreams and nails. I’ve roasted marshmallows at Camp Norwich, the second oldest summer camp in the nation, on its first opening day in 15 years. I marched for women’s rights in D.C. I’ve met senators, generals, and crack-whores. I’ve lost friends and made new ones.
Sometimes I think I never want to go back to Mississippi, and other times my longing is so great I feel it in every atom. I couldn’t tell you what I’ve gained and lost – except that I lost myself, and I’m finding her again, piece by piece.